Oh my god, in love with self. From now on, I'm calling you all Sandy Schwinkendorf. A name that rolls off the tongue.
At work, we have this private Facebook group where we can link to ideas and articles that're relevant to our job. We call the page Jost Do It, because we work with someone with that last name. I quit Facebook in a huff awhile back, and just the other day remembered that I wasn't on Jost Do It anymore, so I searched for it and found a human being named Jost Doit. Which Jost Killed Me.
Also, if you were once my FB friend and aren't anymore, please friend-request me. If we only know each other from this blog, please send me a message so I know you aren't a scammer or that idiot stalker from Manhattan who keeps friending me with different names. You know what? Forget it. If you know me in real life, and we've actually met, friend-request me. I keep trying to go through all the periods of my life and remember who I used to be FB friends with.
Everyone from elementary school? Did I friend that smug girl who read faster than me?
Junior high, when I was hot hot hot?
What about college? Hey, we drank beer together.
Seattle, after college? Hey, we drank beer together.
What about that one job in L.A.? Did I request everyone there?
Did I ever tell you about the best compliment I ever got, and I wasn't even there to hear it? At my old job in L.A., which was a textbook publishing company--
Celebrate good times, come on!
--but really, it was a fun place to work. Okay, not as fun as the creative stuff I do now, but it was fun. There was a woman named Katie who worked there, and we weren't really good friends or anything, but we kibitzed from time to time. Once, it was someone's birthday, and that person got a birthday crown. She wore it for, like, an hour and took it off.
Katie asked her, "Where's your birthday crown?"
The birthday girl looked at her desk, where her crown lay, dejected. "Oh, I took it off. I know June Gardens would wear it all day, but..."
"You put that crown back on. Wear it proudly. Everyone needs a little June Gardens in them," Katie told her.
And that was my favorite compliment I ever got. I did note she said "a little," not a LOT of June Gardens, kind of like how too many Starburst lose their charm.
The point is, I looked for her on Facebook and she's dead. She had cancer. I was so sad, and scrolled through all her pictures, missing her even though we hadn't talked since 1997.
I have no idea how I got off on that tangent. I'm up early today, and just burst into the dining room to show Ned my "I'm up early!" pose. "Did you already shower?" he asked, astonished, like I'd just put a t-shirt on my head for yucks. When you do the Curly Girl method, you dry your hair with a t-shirt.
I realize this picture isn't the best advertisement for Curly Girl. I look like Jesus of Nazareth hangs out with his 40 pets. I hadn't washed it in two days; just kept squeezing water into it with a little gel. Also a Curly Girl tip. They do not, however, encourage Jesus of Nazareth hair.
The photo above is from when I came home from work late yesterday, and Ned was already here and at his computer, and all the animals followed me in. Note how each animal is featured, which might be a first. June's House, feat. Five Pets. And yes, Ned got a new computer. Dude, he's gettin' a Dell. That never gets old.
You know what gets old? Songs feat. somebody. Why can't we just say, This song is called Smack My Grandma, by John Smith and Fred Jones? Why does it have to be Smack My Grandma feat. John Smith? Feat. this. And are we that pressed for time, that we can't spell out the whole world?
The REASON I'm up early and have a t-shirt on my head is that I have to take Talu to the vet. Her footie's all fucked up. She CHEWS on it, and it's in terrible shape, her footie is. Yes, you have to refer to it as a footie. June, feat. asshole words like footie. I feel like maybe a cone is in Tallulah's future. I'm sure Edsel will make things easier, what with his constantly wagging tail and how it won't swoop into her cone all the time where she can't escape. Talu's most constant expression is a wince as Edsel flaps his tail in her face, allegedly with no idea he's doing it.
I will let you know what the vet says, although most likely what the vet will say is, "That'll be nine hundred dollars, please."
So, I'll go now, as we have to be at the vet soon, before my workday begins.
You know, I really should have used this time more wisely, to bug Ned and follow him around all morning, rather than quietly type at my computer. "What're you doing now? How about now, Ned?"
So I'll go, but I had an inspired idea. We talked about affairs yesterday, and awhile back we had terrible cheating stories. How about today we talk about what we want from our person, that we aren't getting. Like, he isn't paying enough attention to you, or he drinks juice boxes. Whatever. What're you doing about it? Do you think it'll ever be solved? You can sign in anonymously.
Love, June, of "Everyone Needs a Little June in Them" fame