My blood count's got a certain Wessonality

Here's what I forgot already. I forgot there is NOTHING to do in Tiny Town. I mean, there are only so many times in a weekend you can...you know...with someone you've been married to for 10 years. Now, 10 years ago? We'd have been all set for weekend plans, if you know what I mean. Now? We're like, is Cheaters on, or anything?

I came to our second home, our home in the country, as it were, to discover a lovely dead SNAKE on our DOORSTEP. Now, it was a baby, but still. And it is copper-colored, which of course makes me think it's a copperhead, which just oooks me the F out. Oh, you should have seen me flap my hands and get sweaty when I saw that thing.

And it is a BABY, but it is like 250 feet long. Seriously, copper snakey snake is not short. Blech.

Other than oooky snakes, our yard is so pretty! It is all covered in roses and some sort of pretty white bloomy thing on the trees near the roses, so it's all Snow White and Rose Red here. And in the front is some sort of pretty purple flower everywhere.

Should I write for a gardening magazine, or what? "When to Plant Your Purple-Looking Flowers" by June Cutoff Gardens.

So, so far we took Tallulah on two walks, and she was pleased to see her friend Mollie, a dog we used to always see on our walks who is a Shitzu or a Pekingese or something smallish. She is very sweet and they were so happy to be reunited and it feels so good. That Mollie has never met a stranger, as they say here.

Plus, as we walked, lots of people were on their porches and I was happy to wave at people again. I love the waving-is-a-must thing here in Tiny Town. I'll never forget my first week here, and some teenage kid who looked like a hooligan to me because all teenagers look like hooligans now because I am 700 years old, totally WAVED at me as he walked by. I was just so touched. I didn't know people wave at each other before they murder each other here. They probably waved at all the Yankees during the Civil War, too. Before they shot cannons at them and such.

On the drive here I almost killed a turtle, but I am happy to tell you my car went over him, but not my wheels. I know this because of course I checked, because if I had killed a turtle I'd have turned myself into the police department and flogged myself with electric cords or something.

Anyway, here's what I ate today. It is again not so good.

Black coffee, 9 gallons.

Leftover steak, broccoli and mashed potatoes from yesterday.

Arby's roast beef sandwich, because Marvin had a coupon.

Arby's jalapeno poppers, see above.

Arby's jamoca shake. Ditto.

I wanted the chocolate turnover but Marvin reminded me I had to tell y'all what I ate, so I abstained. Because one can be so proud of the other things I ate.

Pomegranate cranberry juice and some Cheeze-Its, and Lula begrudged me every bite and similarly, so did Winston, thereby ruining my Cheese-It moment.

I think that's all. Crisco called. Wants it fat content back.

Comments

[Ree]

I actually bought Crisco today - first time in oh, eleventy-kazillion years or something to make banana bread.

Now I'm thinking about licking it right out of the can.

[Darla]

So glad you made it back safe and are not a turtle murderer, cuz that would have turned me off fo sho. (haha)

Only 9 gallons of coffee is not near enough daily intake June, you're never going to get healthy until you start drinking at least 10 gallons a day. I hate to sound all houndy but I thought you knew this.

Oh and no more sex talk. Your MIL is watching, but more importantly so am I - I nearly passed out - don't worry I'll be fine once the eeeebie jeeeebies wear off ;)