Too lightheaded to think of a title

Now that you've all been "blown away" by my gas-at-work story, I can move on to all the things I was gonna tell you.

I couldn't blob yesterday because Marvin unhooked my computer in order to paint the concrete floor in here. This room, and our back sun room, used to be swathed in the most awful brown carpet imaginable. Plus, the previous owner had a Shihtzu who peed simply everywhere.

Can anyone tell me why (a) little dogs seem to be harder to train and (4) why you wouldn't train it anyway? How can you stand to live with pee everywhere? I used to dog sit for my boss's sister, who owned a really modern condo which I would kill myself if I had to live in, and she had two little Shihtzus. They were cute as buttons but they peed and pooped in the house constantly.

Plus, one time I took her coffee cup on the bus with me when I left her place? And she had a fit about it. I had left her a note: "Will return your coffee cup -- took it with me" and she called me like 70 times to say it was hand-painted and please return the cup.

Okay, sister? You need to get your priorities in order. The fact that your DOGS POOP IN YOUR HOUSE DAILY is way more crucial than your ding and also dang coffee cup. Plus, who buys hand-painted coffee cups? Calm down.

Okay. I really had no idea I was going to go off on a tangent about someone I haven't thought about since 1997.

Anyway, we went to Lowe's, which was never interesting to me until I purchased a house, and bought concrete paint and 75 million accouterments, because nothing can ever be easy, and then we spent .7 seconds picking out a color. It made me think of my ex-best friend. She came with us when we registered for wedding gifts, and she was astonished at how quickly we chose things to register for.

Having been standing there for 17 hours in a brocade dress while she decided hem lengths for HER bridesmaids' dresses, I know she took a while to decide things.

But seriously, I knew the shade I had in mind, I saw it from a distance, it was called Willow, and after

saying "Willow!" at the top of my lungs in the voice that the dwarf used, we got that color and went home. But I felt guilty, because I know my ex-best friend would have thought that was a travesty.

Wow. All you can really see in this picture is the hideous blue tape. Well, trust me. It is a pale green. This room used to be a porch, which I would have liked. Maybe someday we'll have a screened-in porch in back.

Okay, I am rambling on and on and I am starting to get dizzy in this room, so let me just briefly tell you all the things I was gonna mention:

• I have finally decided how I'm going to decorate my office at work. Right now, when anyone goes in there they say, "Wow, it sure is...clean in here." It couldn't be blanker in there. It looks like how everyone thought the future would look in movies like 2001 A Space Odyssey. It is white white white. Anyway, I am going for a "my bedroom in 1977" theme. I'm gonna get Peter Frampton posters off of eBay, I'm bringing in my bottle of Love's Baby Soft which I totally already own, and I'm hoping to also find one of those "If you love someone set them free" pictures. I do not care that everyone will think I am a nut.
• I feel bad about Girl Who Doesn't Get Me. Lately we have been joking around at work and I like her. Trust me, I seem weird when you first meet me. When my friend Saundra met me at a college party, I had tube socks in my bra and I not only told her, I let her look down my shirt as proof. She thought I was berserk.
• My dog walker is totally insane, and she stole the neighbor's cat, as she decided it was being neglected. The thing is, it sort of IS neglected, and I am torn about letting her steal it. I will pontificate more later.
• I am totally lightheaded now and I have to go. Which works for you because this post has gone on forever and you have turned into a skeleton with cobwebs, over there. You're totally doing your Norman Bates' mother impression.

Comments

[Sister Honey Bunch]

Why is she your EX best friend. That's a story I want to hear.

You would totally be at the top of my party list every single time.

One day I was at work and wanted some coffee. I went into the community kitchen, opened the community cupboard and grabbed a mug. Drank my coffee. Then washed my mug. While I was washing it, the handle broke.

Oh my word. The secretary was beside herself with anger and sadness and frustration because THAT mug in the community cupboard in the office kitchen was a special gift from her sister. They all got matching mugs and now she would be the lone sister without one.

People are weird.

[Melanie]

Love's Baby Soft IS still the best.Now I think I'm gonna have to drive 30 miles to the nearest wal mart and buy a bottle.

[Tweenymama]

I am thinking of borrowing a neighborhood cat, getting it spayed, then releasing her back outside. Actually I think more people ought to do this.

[Melanie]

And I can send you a macrame plant hanger for your office.

[Karla]

Is there room for a blacklight anywhere, because nothing screams the 70's like a blacklight poster. Or maybe one of those Panasonic AM radios that look like a ball and chain, perhaps in yellow.
See, I am the receptionist where I work and I cannot decorate my area much, however I do have a weird picture of David Cassidy there.
http://awfullotofnothing.blogspot.com/2008/03/i-feel-compelled-to-explain.html

[dcrmom]

Reading your blog always makes me smile. I'm loving the willow. Did you see my red office paint job?? I'm all about picking things out fast. I wish I had that talent.

[Tee]

I'm assuming the paint is what's making you dizzy. Some people swallow camels and gag at gnats. Want to see the finished project with the porch. I think I could spend the day in Lowe's. I must have a boring life. LOL!

[Queen Mother]

You are so funny! And I totally "get" your sense of humor.

[June]

Who loves the line "Some people swallow camels and gag at gnats"? Tee has her some classics, sometimes. For crying in the cream.

[Valarie Lea]

I so want to see this room I think it will be awesome.

I have a friend whose daughter borrowed the neighbors cat. She never gave it back so I guess I should say stole the neighbors cats. I don't think the neighbors cared. :0)

[Jennifer]

1. I think maybe shihtzu's are a mentally challenged breed. I've known a few.

2. We have a screened in back porch and a I HIGHLY recommend it. We did a acid-chemical stain on that concrete floor which is GORGEOUS.
But so is your WILLOW.

[Sarah]

Love the Willow and I am amazed that you picked it so quickly. I made my husband repaint the living room 4 times before I found a color that satisfied me.

Why is she your ex-best friend?

I'm insanely jealous that you have a sink in your office.

[Susie harris]

Oh my GOSH.... I think I just peed a little laughing at your blog. You rock girlfriend! Yes, ladies do pass gas. I know Im a few days behind the times on reading your post but I just found you so I have a good excuse. I had to come see what the nester was stalking. I will be sure to come back a visit daily. I just need to remember to pee first. Susie H

[The Nester]

I love that susie had to see "what" the nester was stalking.

I'm assuming that you are gonna hang that dog plate. I'm not saying anything about that on purpose.

Your floor looks great and painted concrete is so uber cool. I will never be cool.

[The Nester]

have i been reading this blog every day? yes. did i know that your dog was wearing a cone? yes. did i realize that this was a photo of your dog with the cone even though i have been to your blog 2 times today? no.

somehow, in my mind, that photo was of a decorative plate that one hangs on the wall and it had a picture/painting of a dog on it that kind of looked like your dog.

go look at that photo again. am I the only one who sees a plate? with a dog painted on it? hate me.

[clowder mamma]

ok, I've never commented before but now I'm fairly bursting with comments so here goes:
1. yes I totally saw a dog plate at first glance! I think it's because there are no visible signs of any other body parts, in that photo.
2. OMG..I had a gas-at-work attack one time, but it was the "silent-but-deadly" kind and my boss chose the wrong time to come over to my desk. His eyes watered and he coughed...IT WAS THAT BAD! Oh how I wished the ground would swallow me up forever at that point. But I survived the humiliation.
3. We have alot of cats and my dear husband built them a cat-house in the backyard, the floor of which is concrete, and I wanted it to resemble grass so I painted it WILLOW! I still love the color, a year later. It looks great in your photo!
4. I too want to know why she's your ex-best girlfriend!! Do tell.