Spruce Gooses

The most annoying thing about my new job is that even though I am salaried, if I miss work, I have to make up the time. However, if I'm ever needed to stay late? Well, that's just free. No pay, no comp time.

It irks me.

So yesterday I was two hours late because I had to take Tallulah to the vet to get her cone, to turn her into Conan the Barkbarian, and this resulted in me having to take half-hour lunches for the rest of the week to make up my time.

Have I mentioned this irks me?

Today I packed a lunch so that I could just leave my office and go eat somewhere at work -- there is a lot of land and grassy area there. I know I am totally making it sound like I am a shepherd. A shepherd on salary.

Hello, Ralph. Hello, Sam.

I packed:

1 can of tomato soup, a bag of Wheat Thins, a can of peaches, one of those 100-calorie cookie packs and a bottle of water.

By 4 p.m. I was ready to go outside and eat the sheep. I was STARVING TO DEATH.

Doesn't that sound like it'd be enough food? What is wrong with me? Am I a 17-year-old boy? Who pulls trains with his teeth?

Despite my hunger and the resentment about making up my time, I did have a good lunch because the GEESE, with which I am obsessed, came over to visit me. The mom, dad, and their five babies, like Brad and Angelina. One of the geese had a mohawk.

I was so excited that they came over to me, although the dad was clearly giving me the eye. He had kind of a black, soulless eye, if you want to know the truth. Like a shark's eye.

And I know geese can be mean. But I acted like it's cool, man, goose man, and finally he stopped glaring at me soullessly and just let his kids play near me. Oh, they are cute. They fought with each other and tucked their little goose bills into their downy baby goose fur. Which I guess we should call "feathers."

It was all I could do not to pick them all up and put them in my office all afternoon.

Have I told you how my new office TOTALLY ROCKS? It's huge. It has two windows that actually open, and I have a sink. I have no idea why I have a sink, but it's delightful. I wash babies and peel potatoes in there all the time. Sometimes I wash my hair.

I had better go pay attention to Conan O'Barkin', over here. She keeps nudging me with the cone. Whoever said she looks like someone took the wind out of her sails was totally right.

She's on a Coney Island of Sadness.

Comments

[Darla]

ROFL! You're hellafunny!

Poor Tula.

[Melanie]

I'm begging you, please take off the cone!

[Sister Sassy]

June. Hook us up with some stories about the chick at work who just doesn't get you. Sometimes, they are the highlight of my day.

[Dingo]

Love the Ralph/Sam reference!

Poor Tallulah, she gets a cone on her head and you go given all your love away to some geese (goslings?). Hee.

[Karen]

Is that work situation legal? (I mean the one where you work for free if they need you extra hours, not the one where you have a sink in your office and are being hounded by geese during lunch.)

[Kellie]

You don't know how I needed a good June laugh today!

I love the geese too!

[Natalie]

No wonder you were starving this afternoon! I'd be about to chew my own arm off by 4pm with no protein in my lunch. Pack some chicken, cheese sticks, boiled eggs, something with some protein to help you get through the afternoon without eating your paperwork. :)

Hope Miss T. is feeling better tonight.

[Melissa]

I agree with Natalie. Even a little bit of cheese would make a difference. With no protein in your lunch, you are bound to be looking for fried geese by 4pm! Check out Babybel cheese at thelaughingcow.com. One of those would be perfect with your lunch.

[Jessica]

Yes, that work situation is legal. We do it the same way where I work and we follow all laws very closely. It's stupid though, I agree.

[Oak Park Maya]

Almost fell out of my chair laughing at Hello Ralph, Hello Sam!

[Sarah]

Eat some protien, woman! Geez, for a health blog you know very little about health. You may want to read a book on nutrition like 'The New Rules of Weight Lifting for Women.' It's about weight training and nutrition.

Anyways, I've never posted before, but I read your blog every day. You really are hilarious.

[Tee]

ROFL! You crack me up. Take some bread for the geese and feed them while you have lunch. Take you some PROTEIN, for crying in the cream, for an afternoon snack, like cheese or a handful of almonds, something so you don't eat the legs off the table! Take your camera with you to get a shot of those little babies with the feathers.

[Shannon]

Doesn't one of Brad and Angelina's kids have a mohawk too?

[Sid Leavitt]

Between you and Dingo, it looks like I'm not the only one who loves old Warner Bros. cartoons. Ralph and Sam, indeed.

[annoymous]

Laughing Cow low fat cheese is really good and takes the edge off really well. It comes in little wedges in a round flat box. Learned about it on the South Beach diet and have used it ever since.