What can brown carpet do for you?

There is an artist who lives next door to me. Her name was not formerly Prince. She is so cool. She showed me her front porch (which is not a euphemism for her bosoms), as she painted her concrete and I want to also do that in our sun room.

Does anyone else know how to prepare and paint concrete? I want to make it a pale green, I think. Currently there is the world's worst brown carpet in there. I guess it is redundant to say "world's worst brown carpet."

Also, Marvin is in trouble, dawg. He is coming to Greensboro this weekend to meet with his new boss. Did I ever mention that Marvin got a teaching job here in about seven seconds? He will be a science teacher next year. Still teaching fifth grade.

Anyway, his new principal, who is a man, wants to meet him for a drink this weekend.

You may remember that Marvin is the girliest drinker ever. His drink choices are usually daiquiris or cosmos. His new boss will be buying him a skirt by the end of the night.

I have sat here for hours on end, or at least minutes on end, trying to think of what he could order that would be remotely respectable. I wish he would just order a whiskey and soda and drink it anyway. But Marvin does not like bubbles.

I think he should just order water and look like a teetotaler.

And in case anyone was worried sick, Lula came through her surgery okay. We get her tomorrow night. It will be TWO WEEKS before she can go to the dog park! Dang!

Also, I had them do the DNA test on her. Marvin Gardens, you ARE the father. We find out that she is half chihuahua/half wolf in about two weeks.

It seems like I wanted to tell you something else, too. Crap. I will think of it as soon as I hit save.

Comments

[Darla]

Oh man, I have a 5th grader and I hate science. Can I borrow Mr Gardens for homework? I can fix a mean girlie drink.

Glad Tula is ok. Dang no fun for two weeks. *stomp*

[annoymous]

Can your neighbor tell you how she painted her floor? Are you going to make the squares? My high school boyfriend's family had a painted floor in the kitchen. They would use sponges and primary colors and sponge different colored squares on top of the base coat. It was cute. Can't wait till Tallulah is back home.

[Sister Honey Bunch]

Can he just drink a nice smooth vodka on the rocks? No bubbles. Even mix it up and get a flavored one. No one would ever know.

Marvin could be drinking some Vanilla or blueberry stoli on the rocks and his boss would think he was some kinda tough guy.

[Emily]

>Also, I had them do the DNA test on her. Marvin Gardens, you ARE the father. We find out that she is half chihuahua/half wolf in about two weeks.

OMGosh ROFL!!

[The Nester]

you save? I just hit publish. I knew I was doing it wrong. Why do you already have more friends than I have? I have lived here a year and have 4.5 friends. Lucky. You are so likeable. That was just underlined in red. I guess it's not a word. sorry.

[othermama]

Even as a young shoot, Marvin would not drink pop (soda for you easteners). Also no chocolate. Wonder if we are actually related. Glad doggie doing well. She probably will be REALLY mad at you. Tell her the cats talked you into doing it. My friend just had the DNA test done on her dog. I could have saved you money and sent you their official results. You do get a nice certificate.

[Ree]

Wait. You mean I could actually find out if Poopy was Chocolate Lab and Daschund OR Chocolate Lab and Basset Hound?

Srsly?

Or would it just tell me if Mr. Hot is really his dad?

Snirk.

[Linda .. the Aussie one!]

Cadillac Margaritas .. no bubbles there .. and he could just .. I don;t know .. like adjust his crotch and spit .. or something .. just to seal the "abundance of male testosterone" deal.
Glad the ladypup is doing well .. she won't be too happy tomorrow but when she learns that you have saved her from endless months of menstral cycles she will be grateful. I know I would. Want to get me spade?

[dcrmom]

He ought to try the new Mike-Arita! :-)

[Dingo]

Ha! The vet is going to tell you to keep her quiet for a week while the sutures heal but Lulu will have other things in mind. She's going to be racing around like a bat out of hell scaring you to death thinking she's going to hurt herself.

Ooooh! Please keep us posted on the cement floor.

[Lisa]

My poor Roxy got attacked last night by a neighbor's "american bulldog" (aka pitbull if you ask me). My four-year-old opened our gate to get a ball from the neighbor's yard and she ran out. The neighbor's dog was loose in their front yard. Roxy will be okay, she's bandaged up unable to walk, blood still everywhere outside. Turns out the neighbor's dog was not current on Rabies vaccine. Our vet says even though Roxy is vaccinated she could still carry rabies and have transmitted it to their beast. One can only hope. That dog is going to rip off a kid's face one of these days. I'll email you a picture of poor Roxy.

[cpwoman55]

How about a beer? That will be manly

[Susan]

OFF TOPIC - Just want to make sure that you are fine after the tornado hit. I have been watching the news and there is a lot of damage. Hope you were not hit.

[Christie]

I am relieved to know that the neighbor is showing you her LITERAL front porch. I'd hate it for you if it was the euphemism kind. Those kinds of neighbors are so strange.

And I'm also glad that Marvin is the father. I'd hate to see you all have to go on Maury to straighten it all out. I mean, what if you got so mad you punched him? Wait, I think that's Jerry Springer. You could go there, too, I guess. But luckily you don't have to.

[June]

I woke up and everything is in color. And there are these small people from the Lollipop Guild following me around.

I am fine. Thanks for checking.

[chacha]

When I heard Greenboro on the radio this morning, I was like "Crap! She *just* moved there and already with the tornadoes?"

Glad that you and your house are in once piece!

[Uncle Omar]

I have two suggestions on the drink that MG should order. Both should earn him esteem in the eyes of the principal. Either order McEwan's ale--which no bar in the US has that I have found--and when the barkeep says "Sorry, we don't have that," he should snort disgustedly and say "Okay, then, I'll have a Guiness. You have that don't you?" Or, he should just go for the jugular and ask for "Talisker. 18 years old. In a small snifter. With a small glass of plain water on the side." And when the barkeep doesn't have that poison, MG should snort disgustedly and ask, "Well, then, what Western Isles single malt do you have--and don't say Laproig!" That way, he can settle for a glass of water.

[Molly]

Ok, for no bubbles and not too strong, I'm thinking the perfect drink is a margarita on the rocks. That's respectable for a man. If that's still too girly, then a screwdriver should work.

[Fern]

Marvin should try a slow gin and oarnge juice. It tastes like a cherry blow pop sucker. Good Luck. I hope he likes pink. Maybe he should change his name to Shirley?

[Kathy_Likes_Pink]

I've been hanging out with my British friends and now I enjoy a "Shandy" - half beer, half ginger ale. I know it sounds weird but it's actually pretty refreshing!

As far as your CEEment, aren't those paint guys at Home Depot or Lowe's trained to answer questions like this? I think it does require a specific paint for concrete.

[Uncle Omar]

Sorry, Ms. Proofreader, but I mis-spelled Guinness--it has two n's--and Laphroig--I forgot the aitch. And the request for McEwan's should be for a draft, not a bottle.

[Sarah]

I think a Margarita is a good idea as long as he gets in on the rocks, and not frozen. For some reason the Margarita seems to be the man's girly drink. Plus it's May. Marvin can make some reference to celebrating Cinco de Mayo all month long. Totally respectable.

[lucinda]

As a self professed cosmo girl I have to tell I have a big burley younger brother who drives an 18 wheeler for a living and he confessed to me and my husband the other weekend he likes cranberry juice and vodka. He says he knows it about as unmocho as you can get but he likes them!!! Marvin is in good company!

[Tee]

Porter Paints has a tint that works well on cement. Check the yellow pages for a Porter dealer near you. We tinted our walkway down to Hubby's workshop years ago and the color is still there. I'm not sure what colors are available with the tints. Forget Home Depot and Lowe's paints. Porter has the best products ever. We used Porter paint on the interior of our house when we built it almost 32 years ago and most rooms have never been repainted. We are going to tint the apron to our driveway when the construction is complete. Our goal is to "paint" bricks on the apron. I'm not sure how DOT will react to painting their apron. LOL!