Windbag

I have so many things to tell you. I was thinking about them all day at work, and even wrote a list of what I had to tell you, there was such a plethora.

And then? I had The Humiliation. At work. Oh, help.

So, as you know, if you follow my every move, I have been taking my lunch to work this week. So today I brought one of those microwavable soups. This one was chili. And was it ever good. I think it was by Campbell's. (There were new baby geese at lunch, too, not that I ate baby geese.)

A few hours after lunch, I was in my office, probably writing a list of what to blog about or some other impressive work ethic type thing.

There were ice cream sandwiches in the freezer, and I am sorry to tell you in this health blog that I got up to get me one.

Now, my boss's office is at the end of the hall, and mine is right next to hers.

There was another editor in my boss's office, and they were discussing important work things. As I entered the hall, my back to my boss's office, I am sorry to tell you...

I had gas.

I had no idea gas was coming. It was a sneak attack. And you guys, it was not a slight, feminine type of gas moment. This was an endless, stepped-on-a-duck kind of wind passing. Like blurrrrahhhhhh. Like the kind of gas my grandma used to have when she'd climb steps.

I was three feet from my boss's office. Well, then immediately thereafter I was 10 feet from it, as this gas PROPELLED me through the room.

The editor who was in there just completely stopped talking.

This did not stop me from getting the ice cream sandwich. But now I wonder, should I send a telegram to my office, telling them I can never return? Should I sneak back in over the weekend and place a tuba under the carpet, so the editor steps on it Monday and thinks THAT was the noise I made? Should I hire a hypnotist to make everyone forget Friday, including me?

Oh, dear.

Comments

[Melanie]

Canned chili! that'l learn ya durn ya!

[Anthony]

Holy crap, that is hilarious!! Why are farts so funny? I don't know, but I know they are. Farts and poop – always funny...and sometimes gross.

[Sister Honey Bunch]

Oh my dear God in heaven.

Oh holy crap.

I got all sweaty and cringed and embarrassed for you.

Oh man. I just can't stand it.

How weird am I to be so overwhelmed and horrified by this? I feel like it happened to me. Which it never has and please dear God never let it EVER.

[Darla]

Oh my gosh. I haven't laughed like that, so hard I lost my breath, in ages.

I'm sorry about your embarassing situation. I think it was Tallulah's fault, she made you do it for putting that cone on her head.

[Fern]

Dont worry! They will probably forget it by Monday. If not tell them the Geese are rubbing off on you and you were trying to talk like them.

[Dana]

You can actually erase the fart that you made if you can go back to the scene of the crime and replicate the exact sound, only using a different method! So, wait until that same editor is in the same office, talking to the same person....you walk by the door, and when you are sure they will hear you, make a squeaky sound with your hands or mouth! They will hear it and realize that THAT was the same sound you made on Friday! Problem solved! You are now indebted to me forever :)

[Tootie]

You're the new girl! Just have fun with it! We are!

It would have been funny to ask, "Any chance you didn't hear that?"

[Tee]

I'm laughing so hard I can't give you any suggestions.

[The Nester]

why, WHY does this make me like you even 100 times better than i already do? I didn't even know there was room for improvement.

that foo foo was totally endearing. the only remedy I can think of is let them read this post then they will be begging you to embarrass yourself for their reading pleasure. this is so much better than your prissy sweater strap belt thingy falling in the toilet.

keep it coming please.

[Emily]

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Nancy]

Nester would just tell the truth and a zillion people including me would love her for it....me?? I'd go to Spencer's at the mall and buy a remote control fart machine and spend the weekend concocting a zillion scenarios for a cover up!!! What a hoot or should I say toot?!!

[Linda .. the Aussie one!]

Oh this just brings all of that gas adverts to my mind .. "your sons on line toot" .. "Flatulent in three languages" mmmwwwwhahahahahahahahaha
But dear June .. bless your fart .. oh .. I meant heart .. we plant eating carnivors who breath oxygen .. all fart .. we do .. the lucky ones of us find the hilarity in the situation and I am sure some of the un/fortunate ones who heard you have chuckled over it too.
Hold your head up high and act like nothing happened. Oh .. and try to keep the chilli strictly for home meals. :o)

[Heather]

This was so funny, however I feel for you! Nothing like embarrassment! Your blog is where I get my evenings laughs before bed! I need them after watching 4 kids all day! Kudos to you for sharing...I don't think I could do it! But then again being the mom to 2 boys...I'm sure they will give me plenty of ammo!

[jen]

Maybe the "Girl That Doesn't Get You" will leave BEANO on your desk....

Oh, I hope no one makes a big stink about it! This too shall pass (gas).

** smell ya later **

[Lori - Queen of Dirty Laundry]

Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no.

I'm laughing out loud at 1 in the morning, while at the same time wondering what in the Sam Hill will make everyone forget Friday ever happened.

Keep us posted, yo.

[Kara]

Haha... That reminds of one time when I had to go to the dentist on my lunch break... I quickly snarfed down some Arby's - and I even remembered to bring my toothbrush for a quick clean before getting my filling. Well, in my rush I got the worst indigestion ever - and I couldn't get it to pass. I just kept thinking... please oh please don't let me burp in the dentist's face!! Luckily for me, I had to climb a flight of stairs to get to the office, and gravity sure helped. As I got to the top of the stairs, alas... the glorious, yet huge burp! I even sighed out loud because I was so relieved. It was then, that I realized that the entire waiting room was right there staring at me!!!

Ah, the joys!!

[kellie]

OH June!

This is hilarious! Thanks for sharing!

It reminds me of the time I had to do a CPR/First aide class for work. There was a part of the class where we had to do the practical exam of the First Aide portion. One of my new co-workers was to be The Victim and I was to be the Rescuer. She was lying on the ground. I was to come over to her, touch her shoulder, look into her face and say "I know First Aide. Can I help you?"

When we finshed the Teacher tells us we did a good job, and I ask if I can use the ladies room. I go and do my thing, and walk to the sink to wash my hands when I look at the mirror and realize I have a "dangler" hanging out of nose...

Oh! I Did NOT want to go back to that class! Especially to the poor girl who had been my victim! I am sure she was terrified!

[cpwoman55]

Gotta watch that chili. No bean soup for you
at work! You are such a hoot

[Tootie]

There used to be a girl in my yoga class, that would fart through the whole session. Loudly.

Namaste.

[Frankie]

That's pretty awesome, June.

[Kathy_Likes_Pink]

This is exactly why I no longer eat chili. You were very brave. I especially like that you kept to the task at hand - that is, getting the ice cream bar.

I have no sage advice to offer. Just wanted to say - I feel your pain.

[Jennifer]

I laughed so hard at this... oh, I love a good laugh! The older you get, the rarer those good bellylaugh get...

and I'm thinking you made for a good weekend story for your boss. She should be thankful. :)

[Jenny]

In a way though- isn't it sort of freeing? Like- there's not much else you can do to embarrass yourself. I did the same thing once during a class final- you know, when there's dead silence except for the scritch scratch of lead against paper? To make matter worse there was a guy I had a crush on in the class. It was no tiny squeek either but a giant "Bang' fart. My best friend was sitting next to me and guffawed so there's no way that I could pretend it didn't happen. Well, that guy I liked? Oddly, after that I just didn't care that much about him anymore.

[Christina]

I am sorry for your embarassment but thanks for the laugh I needed it today!

[Chris]

I am crying, I'm laughing so hard!! You're one of THOSE people who is willing to tell the world their embarassing moments, and I LOVE it! I'll be back to read more!