Do you think this shirt is a little snug? Am I going to the Harper Valley PTA, or what? This is what I wore to the dance recital the other night. Since then I have been wearing a robe, as I have number 862 in a series of colds caught from Marvin's fabulous job. Fifth-graders. Bringing you germs from around the world.
And no, it isn't swine flu. Thanks.
It is time for Ask June, everyone's favorite Q & A time with your tawdry know-it-all pal, June. Let's all put on our thinking caps and tight sweaters and get right to it, shall we?
Kristy queries, "June--I have a question that has bothered me for a while. My last name is Kish (rhymes with fish and dish). Last year, I wanted to write Christmas Wishes from the Kishes on our Christmas cards, but I realized I don't know how to pluralize Kish. Is it Kishes? Kishs? Kish's? Or is it just Kish (similar to fish)?"
June wonders if you married into the name Kristy Kish, which is kind of a cute all-K-all-the-time kind of a name, or if it has always been your name. June knows someone whose name sounds very much like Kiss the Cook, and that friend sometimes reads this blog and she will be kissing the blogger if she reads this subtle shout-out.
At any rate. Kristy Kish, when you pluralize a family name that ends in sh, you add the es on the end, so your instinct was correct. If anyone wants to give Ask June heartburn, they will add an apostrophe into their last name. Merry Christmas from the Smith's! Well, you've just ensured that June, here, will not have one. Thanks.
NO APOSTROPHES IN YOUR LAST NAME. YOUR LAST NAME DOES NOT OWN ANYTHING. I MEAN, MAYBE IT DOES. MAYBE YOU ARE THE ROCKEFELLERS. IF YOU ARE, GO ON MY WISH LIST AND GET ME THOSE EARRINGS. BUT LEAVE THE APOSTROPHE OUT OF YOUR LAST NAME.
Kerrin wonders, "When you were a freelance proofreader, what kind of material did you proof? Do you mostly do textbooks and such or have you ever proofread a book that was a bestseller?"
Oh, Marvin is laughing at the "book that was a bestseller" part. Well, he would be laughing if he ever still read this blog. People come and go, talking of Michelangelo, here. Including Marvin.
I worked for the entertainment industry (which I feel like I can't talk about so much), the legal field (ditto) (well, okay, I proofread depositions, and I got to read a lot of celebrity cases, and THAT I cannot talk about), textbooks (zzzzz), and yes, people's fledgling novels.
Oh. People's fledgling novels. I am sorry to tell you about the hours of entertainment Marvin and I got out of these things. And you know what's great about a lot of people writing novels? A lot of them are rich rich rich. I read one guy's novel, a guy who thought the phrase was "another clog in the machine" and during a lunch he ended up giving me, piecemeal, three or four hundred dollars. He was a gay guy, so he wasn't hitting on me. He just kept saying, "You are so helpful. Here, let me pay you more." Who was I to say no? I mean, this was on top of the fee I was charging him.
I also got a lovely set of Tiffany champagne glasses from a woman whose novel I proofread, and hers wasn't bad, actually.
My favorite part of proofreading books was the medical writers. I got everything checked out for free as thanks for my services. I got my hair analyzed for mineral content, free chiropractic, psychic readings, all from people I proofread. It was delightful. I like how I just put psychics in with "medical."
But do you have any idea how hard it is to get your book published? So, no. There wasn't one person whose book I proofed who had a bestseller. Very few got published.
Anyway, my experience with these writers is part of why I scoff when I get the whole "I like your blog, you should write a book" line. Everyone thinks they have a book in them. They don't.
That wraps it up for Ask June and her first-person/third-person, trampy-shirted self today. She has thrown in the daily photo of Henry lest she hear it from everyone. Now she has to blow her nose. Again.