Dead Ex. That's what Marvin's gonna be.

I have eight seconds to write you today. I overslept, as I was having a dream about Michael Jackson (I am not making that up) and incorporated the clock radio into my dream. Don't you hate it when you do that?

I don't know how Michael Jackson could have wedged himself into my subconscious. You never hear about him lately.

At any rate, I have forgotten to tell you that Marvin got a summer job. While I understand that elementary school teachers make a magnificent sum, and we really should have saved enough to get us through the summer, somehow we didn't. I will not name names, but Marvin is working for a famous delivery company that absolutely, positively makes him come in at 8:30.

I think he had to be at school at 2:45 a.m. or something. Girlfriend got there EARLY, is all I'm telling you. I do not know if he is ambitious or having an affair with a rooster, but either way it was fine with me, because I know I have told you that Marvin is what you'd call irritating in the morning and I was always glad he was out the door.

Marvin is a morning person. Morning is my cranky time. I mean, I understand that all the time is my cranky time, but it is at its peak in the morning.

Marvin BOUNDS out of bed at about 5:00 every day, like he's Amish or a fireman. He begins talking cheerfully right away, fully expecting that everyone around him will gleefully participate. Usually Tallulah and I just continue our REM and have learned to ignore him.

Now that he has three-and-a-half hours before he has to be anywhere other than DIRECTLY WHERE I WANT TO BE ALL MORNING, he is a real pleasure.

First of all, he turns on the TV right away. I know I am weird, but TV in the morning depresses me. Morning should be when you are bustling about, staring your day. Turning on the TV says to me, "I've given up. This day will be about lazing around." Even worse, Marvin watches MOVIES in the morning. You don't watch MOVIES in the MORNING. It's an end-of-the-day kind of thing. Why doesn't he just get a glass of wine and some chips while he's at it?

Plus also, he makes himself a leiiiiiisurely breakfast, which includes waffles and juice. And waffle plates and juice glasses that he leaves on the coffee table while he's watching his music documentary at 7 a.m.

If he's not watching TV? He's here. On the computer. ON MY COMPUTER. I mean, the morning is my blog time. But there he is, with his waffle, looking at guitars on eBay. If I demand the computer, he hovers here. "What are you doing? Is that what you're gonna write? You missed the 'e' in 'murder,' honey."

I am also lucky enough to have Marvin here when I finally leave for work. "Drive carefully. I don't want to hear that you're part of a twisted ball of metal!" he likes to say.

When does school start, again?

Comments

[misschell]

we should have named our new puppy Marvin! because before he came into our life daughter & i were sleeping till 9:30 (remember my status as trophy wife). Now this dang dog is all "hey it's 6:45 & i'm excited because i have to poop"
stupid Marvin dog....

[misschell]

i was 1st, i was 1st.... hahahaha!

real mature, i know!

[Hulk]

Flush the toilet when he is in the shower...

Of course, I'm not sure how much marital advice I should be doling out...

[KW in Atlanta]

June, I feel your pain. My husband will start firing questions at me as soon as I have cracked one eye open. "What do you want for dinner? Have you taken anything out of the freezer? Are you going to water the Topsey Turveys? Have you seen my phone? Will you call my phone?"
Irks me that my feet haven't even touched the floor before he starts rattling on and on.

I tell you it amazes me that I can restrain myself from gut-punching him every a.m.!

[Carpoolqueen]

Mine was discussing the Honduran elections BEFORE coffee, June, BEFORE coffee. Exhibit A in the divorce proceedings, I say.

[Kelly]

I'm a morning person myself, so I can't really complain. Not exactly a cheerful morning person, mind you, but I like getting a head start on my day. I also turn the news on the minute I turn my alarm off. STOP HATING ON US MORNING PEOPLE! I warned you I'm not all that cheerful in the morning. Oh yeah, I have also started watching a movie before work as well. Sorry. Go Team Marvin.

[Nighttime June]

If I made "Team Marvin" and "Team June" t-shirts, would anyone want them? I so want to make some.

[The Furry Godmother]

YES! Can you make a little dog version that says "Team Tallula"? 'Cause I hate to leave the Zali Lama out of anything...

[Kristy Kish]

Okay, he sounds just like my kids. At 7 am, they're in full swing. But they're 7, 5, and 2, so they have an excuse for being overly chipper.

[Lou Cinda Munroe]

Okay, I too.....am a morning person! I know, I know...it is disgusting. I am all chipper and bubbly and bouncing around! my poor husband....he is the quiet type!

Bless him! I will be exhibit A in the divorce proceedings!

Reason for divorce: To damn happy in the morning!!

Have a great day!

Lou Cinda :(

[June, mom of the ever-popular Henry]

Well, then, Furry Godmother, we will also have to make Team Henry shirts, and you know everyone will just ask for those.

[dottie]

At least he's eating waffles and not wafers for breakfast!

[Erin]

Morning tv depresses me too. I'm on Team June. I'd like mine to have the number 9 on the back, as in no one should speak or turn on an appliance until this hour.

Only another month and some change before school starts back. That's a short-lived summer job.

[Tee]

Hey June, I'm one of your lurkers. You are one funny lady, in case you didn't know;)! I'm not really a morning a person, but secretly wish I was. And put me down for one Team Henry shirt, please.

[Linda in CO]

Last week sometime I had a dream about Michael Jackson too. My husband woke me up because I was whimpering in my sleep and I said "Michael Jackson was trying to kill me". The dream was very vivid at the time but I didn't want to keep him awake in the middle of the night by telling him about it, and by the next morning it was gone. I would love to remember that dream, if only for the "odd" factor, since I'm not really a fan.
I'm a morning person too, but really want it quiet then, so I can read my newspaper and drink my coffee. Unfortunately, one of the three littles is also a morning person, so my mornings are filled with the sound of "Clifford" and "Arthur". Sigh...

[LisaPie]

Marvin Salad Gardens is the luckiest man on earth. If he was married to me I would be a widow. "Officer, I have NO IDEA what happened! He must have fallen on the sharp pointy thing about 60 times."

I was quietly making my big mug-o-tea this morning and across the kitchen my daughter was grinding coffee beans and making all sorts of racket. That was when I realized how nice my tea is. Tea, whether loose or in bags, is quiet in the mornings. I bet more morning people are coffee drinkers because all that noise whirring and grinding and percolating doesn't annoy the beejeebers out of them. I was actually going to lead in to some comment about Ye Olde Tea Bagge Shoppe from the other day but the witty things escape me this early.

I am totally on Team June. Just later in the day.

[Cat]

I find TV in the morning depressing too. I travel with a friend who turns movies on the minute she gets up. Ugh!

BTW, I can't wait for school to start, but my issue is a 14 year old girl who wants to watch HGTV all day long.

[LisaPie]

pssst, Hey June does the new Funniest Blog Finalist button mean you won? Does it mean we get to vote again? Does it mean they are still deciding?

[Your Pal from MA]

Hi June,

BOY, am I with you on the TV thing in the morning. I likes it quiet. My Marvin was home sick with a chest thingy on Monday and Tuesday and, MAN, is THAT annoying? TV's on all day and the neediness? Gimme a break!

Team June, Team June, GOOOOOO Team JUNE!!! :)

Oh, and put me down for a Team Henry shirt, as well!

Alright, and a Team Tallulah shirt, too!

[Gladys]

Kahuna and I are pretty well matched in the morning person department. He does however drive me crazy when I am trying to write. He will ask me 500 million questions then I'll lose my train of thought because I have stopped to listen to him. Then I tend to ramble on in my comments with no point because I have lost my train of thought, just exactly what type of train is a train of thought? Any way he will disrupt me and then i have a really hard time keeping on task. Now what was I talking about?

[Bronwyn]

Reading this incites murderous rage in me all over again, from my morning encounter with my own husband. I have a husband who could be Marvin's twin, and I have never been known for my charm at any time prior to, oh, say 3 pm. I'm a night owl, he's a rooster. It sometimes makes me think we should not have gotten married, as this is not a situation that is likely to change, considering our advanced years.

Last night I was up till 2 am, struggling with APA format for my ridiculous nursing paper, and old hubster there gets up at 4 am, just when I'm transitioning from REM to whatever, and places an affectionate kiss on my forehead, and of course it woke me up. RAGE. Still not over it, 8 hours later.

[Diane J. @ Contentedly Neurotic]

Ugh! My husband is not really a morning person. I get up around 7am. But I like it to be very quiet. It's my only calm soothing time. Once the kids wake life is chaotic until I crash in bed.

HOWEVER, my husband makes so much noise in the mornings getting ready for work that he will wake the kids. Then I have visions of arsenic poisoning. There are times I won't even come downstairs if it's 7 and he hasn't gotten out the door yet, just so I don't have to talk. Why don't I want to talk? Because I use a soft voice and he uses his overly loud day voice. ACK! My poor ears.

[Hyphen Mama]

Movies in the MORNING? How can he possibly make it to lunchtime without a nap? Movies SCREAM "it's almost time for bed... get snoozy!!"

I'm with you.

Dead Ex. Snort!!

[The Furry Godmother]

A BIG GIGANTIC YES to the "Team Henry" shirts!

My Huddie will be taking the "Team Marvin" shirt. I am on "Team June". The other morning he was prattling on about what he was going to do that day. We were in the car on the way to exercise. He finally asked, "Are you listening to me?" I replied, "I'm aslleeeeppp!" like a little kid.

He gets up at 4:30. I like to go with him to the gym because that way I have kicked my own ass without ever fully waking.

[Rachel]

It could be worse for Marvin. At my house there's no tv at all if it's light outside. I'm a weirdo like that. I think it's because my mom constantly shoved us outside to play and begged us not to come home until the sun went down. TV on during the day just creeps me out. Does his job come with a uniform?