Before I forget, book club is tonight! Seven p.m. my time (Eastern). Click Mince Words with June if you are bored and want to rush out, buy a book, read it, and be ready for book club at 7:00. That is totally something I would do.
However, today I am not bored. I have to take Anderson and Roger to the vet for their initial shots. Not that they are getting shot with the letters "A" and "R." Then Laurie and I are putting up a screen door on my back door area, and I do not mean my buttockals.
I always have capable friends, which is good since I know how to do nothing. My friend Tammy used to "teach" me to sew buttons, meaning she would sew all my buttons for me and I would watch her TV because even in college she had the good channels.
How do y'all afford all the good channels? Even when Marvin and I made six figures I never felt like I could afford it. Maybe if we had earned dollars and not settled for six body types...
I am on fire today.
Also, Edsel ate my bra. I am so irritated with him. I JUST BOUGHT IT a few months back and it's a good one. Bastard. He ate the little ribbon off the front, so I can still WEAR it, it just looks like a pack of wolves came at my cleav.
Why the HELL did I want all these pets? Could someone remind me? And has anyone gotten me the bulldog puppy yet? Because I note his conspicuous absence.
Oh, and speaking of my annoying pets (but not my sweet new bulldoggy, who surely will not cause me any trouble and thank you again for buying him for me), yesterday I wore a peasant blouse, because I am a peasant who cannot afford the good channels on her TV. Both my mother and my cousin gave me tons of clothes when I was in Saginaw last weekend, and each of them gave me a peasant blouse.
"I really don't like how I look in peasant blouses," my cousin said. "Neither do I," said my mother. "It's like I'm, I don't know, too dignified to wear them." "EXACTLY!" agreed Katie, neither of them thinking about the fact they were handing their undignified blouses over to me, who is apparently the Richard Simmons/Lady GaGa/Soupy Sales of the family.
So with my lack of dignity, I wore a green peasant blouse yesterday and decided I needed a little tank underneath so everyone would not see my bits. Who knows why I bothered, what with my evident lack of dignity, but there you go.
When I slipped on the tank, I thought, What is that SPOT on here? I figured I must have spilled coffee on said shirt, which, you know, what else is new, but I was in a hurry and it was going under my blouse so I put it on anyway.
When I came home for lunch, the kittens COULD NOT STOP sniffing my shirt, and they kept getting that open-mouthed kitty look cats get when they smell another cat. I figured since the shirt belonged to my cousin, they smelled her cat.
After work I went out for drinks with a coworker (she had diet cola and I had cream soda. PARTAYYY!) at a fancy hotel bar and I thought, What is that SMELL in here?
When I got home, I smelled it again.
My tank top? Had KITTEN PEE on it. I had piled my whites on Fran's angry chair before I left for the weekend, and I don't know if they were mad I was gone, or they smelled Francis or what, but the point is I went around ALL DAY and into the EVENING with eau de pee de kittay on my shirt.
Why did my family give me those undignified shirts again? How long has it been since I mentioned I hate everything?