I wish Edsel could be any more passionately in love with his grandpappy. Last night my stepfather took a book of poetry to the dining room table (me too) to read because he didn't want to watch Real Housewives (why the rerun? You know who'd be a good addition to Real Housewives? Rerun.)
and anyway Edsel, for the first time ever, slept under the dining room table. That was only after he'd been gazing worshipfully at my stepfather for many moons.
Edsel has man issues, have you noticed that? He is from a broken home.
Anyway, yesterday I schlepped my mother and stepfather out to the shelter, to meet Virgin Mary Bailey Ingalls, and the stupid shelter was closed. There was no room at the inn. I mean, what the? Just because I had the day off doesn't mean the shelter workers deserved one. GOD.
So after that fruitless effort we did the next-best thing and went to a movie with Dick Whitman. It's not like we said, "Well, that's out. Let's call Dick Whitman." He had been on our agenda, anyway. He'd wanted to Southernly charm my mother, which I did not think he could do, but it turns out he totally did.
We all went to see My Week with Marilyn, not that I literally spent a really fast week with somebody named Marilyn and let them watch, it is a movie with Michelle Williams, who kind of bugs me. She always seems kind of beleaguered. And you know what I think? No one should try to play Marilyn Monroe. Because you can pad your bra and your hips and puff out your lips all you want. You are still not gonna have that thing that she and I have.
How much do you enjoy me?
Really, though. She had a kind of magic and that is why we are all fascinated by her and that is why no one can really play her. Dick Whitman pointed out that's why no one should play Elvis, either. True, that.
See. I thought this would be funny, making them stand under the "Boys" sign, but then it turns out you just can't really see them. I shoulda brought my real camera and not just my cell phone. You spend 9 million dollars on a cell phone, it should at least take good pictures.
Remember when it was just exciting to have a phone that took pictures? Now we want really good pictures. Remember when it was just exciting to have a phone outside?
Anyway, the whole drive home from Dick Whitman I had to answer a bunch of questions about why I'm not dating Dick Whitman, kind of like here on this blog. Dick Whitman, could you have been a little LESS charming? Now I gotta hear it from everyone. Fortunately, when things get really heated, I get to whip out the "allergic to cats and dogs" thing. That shuts everyone up.
"Well. That's true," everyone says. You know this leopard isn't gonna change her spots on that one.
Anyway, my mother and stepfather leave today and my best friend gets here tomorrow and June is an entertaining fool.
But you knew that.