I think I'm depressed. I came home last night and went into the spare room where the kitten lives--which is not to be confused with the Spare Omm in the War Drobe from The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe--and laid on the floor in my hat and coat for two hours.
Is that a bad sign?
Did you ever read The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe? Because that was a really good book.
Anyway I don't even have anything to be depressed about.
I mean, sure, everyone in the world is madly in love and happy except me, which I should probably shut up about because just today I got asked on two dates by two different people, as opposed to two same people, so I can't be THAT repulsive, but did I mention I got asked out when I was visiting the Home for the Blind and Poor Judgmented?
Judgmented is an excellent word. I have no idea what you're talking about.
Did I mention I was visiting the Chubby Chasers Support Group?
Did I mention I was walking past an I Heart Old Bags Anonymous meeting that was just letting out?
Okay, I'll stop.
One of the people to ask me out was Barnum. The other was named Bailey. "Great beard!" said Barnum. "I've never SEEN such a nose!" regailed Bailey.
Seriously. Done now.
The two people to ask me out were Ernest and Julio Gallo. They wanted to thank me for all the support through the years.
My POINT is, after lying on Iris' floor for two hours, I finally got up. And by the way she has an upper respiratory infection and is on antibiotics and you know how she was so snuggly and just wanted to lie on me? Guess who has perked the hell up? Is it our sweet Iris? Oh, how she leaped and jumped and did sideways spider kitty and bit my hair and batted her toys this way and that while I lay there motionless on the floor. I mean, I did throw her toys for her a little. But mostly she amused herself. She isn't THAT blind.
And no, I did not take any photos. What part of I was depressed and lying on the floor did you MISS, Kemosabe?
Maybe Dick Clark depressed me. That poor man. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's my hair. I heard from this guy I haven't talked to in months, in fact he is one of my dates coming up, and one of the first things he asked was, "How's the hair? Still large?"
The hair. It leaves an impression.
Remember when I broke up with Daniel Boone and like three minutes later I went on a date and the guy was really great and we kissed and everything? He seemed pretty cool, but the timing was so bad, and anyway we started talking again, and my point is we are having coffee this weekend. But I have been specifically not mentioning people I have been seeing so I will shut up now.
Anyway. After finally peeling myself off the kitten floor last night, I went to the living room to look for a book to read, and there on the shelf, after I've been LOOKING FOR IT FOR WEEKS, was a book a reader sent me months ago. It's called When I Married My Mother, and the author lived in New York and then had to move here and she totally felt me when she read this blog and knew I'd identify with her. I got her book and stupidly put it away by color like I do, and I'm telling you at least five times I have gone over to my shelves to find it and couldn't.
(My neurotic color-coordinated bookshelves)
Last night it was right there in front of me. Coudn't miss it.
Ohmygod, that book is GREAT! Jo Maeder, the author, is my people. I laughed, I nodded my head, I got weepy. We should read it for the next book club. What say you?
Ima go now, but I leave you with a word from Tallulah.