Coincidentally, I actually HAD the opportunity to say, "My ass would make you a Sunday face."

Before I tell you about the worst date of all time, which in fact is not even true because once in 1988 a guy picked me up already drunk then told me I was white trash before appetizers, and really THAT one was worse, I have two important details to tell you, even though last night's date said, "Why does anyone want to read your minutiae?"

So hang on while I fill you in on the minutiae, will you?

Minuatiae #1: I really haven't been talking to Marvin a lot, but yesterday I was driving to Raleigh and America's Top 40 with Casey Kasem was on. Is it Kasey Kasem? I'd look it up but I don't feel like it because I am in a bad mood. On my satellite radio, every Saturday they'll play America's Top 40 from the current week, but from a year from 1970-1979. This week they were playing 1979.

Well. You know that's a good year. So I am afraid I called Marvin and got his voicemail. And perhaps I may have sung Don't Cry Out Loud by Melissa Manchester.

 

You know, I never insist you watch the embedded video. Dude. Today I insist. I don't care if you're driving. I don't care if you're gonna get fired. It is seriously the most disturbing thing you have ever seen.

Anyway, you know how I am. Oh, how I bellowed into Marv's voicemail, because you know how he always enjoyed my singing voice. And how I was not banned from singing in the house at all.

What I did not know was that Marvin was at a conference, right next to his boss, and that he tried to surreptitiously listen to his voicemail during some lecture, and apparently the DON'T CRYYYYY OUT LOUUUUUD! Just keep it inSIIIDE! was so loud, people starting turning around to look at him.

Do you know who misses me?

Minutiae #2: Once I got to my hairdresser, she came around to the side of my face to paint on some color, and she said, "If your eyelashes get any longer they're gonna look FAKE! Holy crap!"

I adore my Latisse. So bad.

Anyway, finally it was time to paint on a smile and take up with some clown, so I headed over to the restaurant to meet my date. And just to recap, I went out with this guy once, in October, literally two days after Daniel Boone and I broke up. I sobbed the whole way to the restaurant, dried my eyes because I am not one of those people who get all blotchy after crying, had THE BEST TIME, then got in the car and cried the whole way home.

So I didn't see the guy after that because I was too caught up in the Daniel Boone thing, but at Christmas this guy'd emailed me and I said, "You were so great. Whatever happened, there?" and he was all, "I'll tell you what happened. You broke my heart a little because I thought we had a great time." So we decided to go on another date.

I walked in and there he was and he is still really cute. He is. Even though he may as well slapped me repeatedly with a bag of marbles and the evening would've been more rewarding, I do have to say he is cute.

"You look really good!" he said. So, yay. We think the other is attractive. That pretty much ended the positive portion of the evening.

I thought things were going well, as the conversation was flowing, but the thing is, if you're with me there's never gonna be a lull, you know? So maybe I should stop using that as a gauge. "So, in these three months, all you've had are casual dates? Nothing has stuck?" I asked him.

"No, that's not exactly true. There is one person who's asking for exclusivity and I said I'd think it over." 

"When did that happen?"

"Thursday."

...!

"So, am I the deciding factor? I feel awful." 

"No, no. I went out with someone last night, too. You're not the deciding factor."

So that was disconcerting. And then he said, "I don't think I'd want to keep up with you. It's too exhausting. All the witty banter back and forth. I don't know if I'd want to work that hard."

Wow. I mean. Wow. Where is it written that if I say something funny you have to say something hilarious back? Is that what people think? Am I that scary? I don't WORK to say funny things back. And every single thing I say isn't hilarious. I'm no Shecky Green. 

THEN...yes, then, there's more, he said, "I don't know. I think you're too intimidating. With the being smart and quick and famous."

Famous? And smart and quick are bad things?

And that's when he started trashing my blog. "What IS your blog address, anyway? I know you're gonna write about me, and I stopped reading it last time after I wasn't mentioned anymore. I really don't get your blog."

There have been times in my life when in retrospect I've thought, why didn't I just get up and leave? And last night was one of those times. Honestly I was so stunned that it took me till I got halfway home to even feel anything.

And that thing was rage.

But at the moment, I handed him my fancy new blog card. "Oh, the woman I'm seeing would hate this. She'd get all suspicious about what this was." 

"So, are you going to decide to see her exclusively?" I asked. I caught on because I'm quick. And famous.

"Yeah, I'm gonna do it." And then he got out his phone and showed me pictures of her and began reading her texts.

So I went on a date with someone and they decided they wanted to be exclusive. With someone other than me. Honestly, am I covered in Repulsivity Shield? I know that isn't a thing but I swear I have it. Kind of like gingivitis. Didn't advertisers just kind of make that up?

I called Tall Boy on the way home, who I am seeing a movie with today and who by the way is also seeing someone exclusively, and did I ever tell you we broke up because he wasn't ready to date exclusively?

"I GIVE UP!" I screeched at Tall Boy. I told him the whole story, and he insisted my blog is hilarious, which believe it or not was the worst part of all that, and somehow TB knew that and I'm glad that's what he dwelled on. "I mean, your minutiae is funny. If you can make that crap funny, people read it."

Then he had to go email the woman he's dating exclusively.

Oh my god, I hate everything. Oh! But my hair is good! Here:

FYI, am never getting out of Christmas flannel pajamas, so enjoy them. It is my version of Miss Havisham. I will be Miss Havingalife.

Comments

[Jessica Lurker]

So I played the video and watched the first minute of it. Horrible, it was absolutely horrible and clowns and horrible. Her eyes were doing weird things, too. Then I started reading your entry and got sucked in to the whole repulsive date. Then I realized the song was still playing as a sort of score to your entry. Ha. I see the Disney logo, was this song in a Disney movie? Snow White and the Seven Scary Clowns?

Girl. He is Lame McLamerson. Thank goodness he is deciding to be exclusive with someone other than you. How in the world could he use witty banter as a negative?! Gross.

[June Gardens]

That song is so the soundtrack to my life right now. Except I guess I really am crying out loud.

[Jessica Lurker]

By the way, the hair and the nails are loverly.

I adore the other Christmas robes(?) pajamas(?) you have hanging on the closet door back there ready to go into your regular rotation.

[Kristi]

Oh, June! That sounds like just a horrible time! I am surprised you didn't yank that blog card back from him so fast it would leave a skid mark. Your date was just a big bag of dicks.

We love you and your minutiae and you are not scary or intimidating. And now I need to go Google Shecky Green.

[Hulk (I'd actually RATHER have someone keep the lull back. I am funnier as a responder. Case in point...)]

What are you famous for?

[Letha,]

What a dick (the bad kind). Sounds like he was just trying to reinforce an exclusive decision he had already made. Those negatives he mentioned are such big compliments. YES! And your hair looks so good that he was probably jealous of that too.

You should have come to the kegger/slumber party.

I will watch the video later. Honest.

[Anita (I hope the dinner was good. Oh God, he didn't make you pay for dinner did he?)]

Those are the clowns of which nightmares are made.

What a dweeb. You have every right to be pissed off but don't be sad June. He doesn't deserve that. I wonder what happened with his date from the night before.

[Beth]

Wow. Just...wow. I think it's safe to call him a d-bag and forget about it. Love the hair and nails, by the way.

[Laurie in Texas (A pox on he who trashes this blog!!!)]

You have great hair and great lashes and that class ring isn't bad either. As I told a patient the other day, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" which is, I think, Eleanor Roosevelt. If ol' Eleanor could feel good about herself, you should feel like the pink, sparkly queen!

[Lisa]

Minutiae? He doesn't get women at ALL, does he? The most important stuff happens in the tiniest details. Thank you for sharing THE MOST important part of your life, June.

Signed,
Your Loyal Minutiae-ite.

P.S. I do so hope he reads this. Him and his Sunday ass-face.

[Cosmo's Dad.. . I think 1978 had better songs..]

What the hell video crap was that? I bet your date has a small minutiae and it matches the lull between his ears. The nerve!

[Sandee]

men...clowns...sums it up. There are some men that i like. no clowns, though.

[Lisa]

And P.S. The veedeo? Just keeps getting worse and worse. How is she singing all serious like when all that ridiculousness is going on around her? Or maybe to her it's all just minutiae.

[Amy in MD]

Why'd you have to make us watch that video? I'm going to need therapy.

A) Love your pic today. Would date you based on pic. If I were a man.

B) Ah, dating. So fun. Not.

C) Does Eds also smell like banilla and labendur and hate?

[June Gardens]

That video is so my life right now.

[June Gardens]

Edsel does not. Edsel never smells bad so I did not make him bathe. I probably should just on principle. However, getting solid Talu in the bathtub my myself was hard enough. Edsel tends to flail.

[Hulk (You should really get me...)]

"Hello June? Hi. I'd like to introduce myself. I am Persective."

[Anita (I hope the dinner was good. Oh God, he didn't make you pay for dinner did he?)]

I'm sure Marvin and his colleagues enjoyed your rendition. I wish I could have seen his face!

[PJ]

June, when you are with an asshole do not turn it into YOU being repulsive. God, girl! You are da bomb.

Oh, and the video? I did not laugh, I roared! This could not have been laugh out loud funnier if it had been written as a comedy sketch. And did I see two of those clowns doing it doggie style there for a few seconds? Off to her left.

[Joy who is one of the many people who love June and her minu]

Minuatiae #3: That guy sounds like my ass with teeth.

[Letha,]

I'm sorry. But I wish you could have found a Journey video that is so your life right now.

Also, I love Cosmo's Dad's description of your dick/date.

[June. Also, Hulk? Will you put my shorts in your crock pot and fucking eat them?]

MY ASS WITH TEETH!

[Letha, jeez, he slept all through the party]

Persective? Hulk needs another nap.

[Jan I hope your date reads today. What an egotistical, stupid motherf*ucker.]

He is an egotistical motherf*ucker. F*uck him. Not literally. Because then we would all have to discuss HIS minutiae. He doesn't get your blog? Because he's a stupid ass. He stopped reading because it wasn't about him? Egotistical, but mostly, in my opinion, he couldn't follow it, not because of the minutiae but because he's not bright enough to get it.

I can, and love to, cut a person to the quick when I'm pissed off. There is nothing more infuriating to me than to be so angry/shocked/whatever that I can't even speak. After the shock wears off I am so mad at myself for not bringing the person to their knees. I rarely find myself speechless but the few times it has happened I'm ENRAGED. I like to think I'm without words because of two things; 1. If I start to talk, the rage will well up and I may very well kill whomever is the target of my rage and 2. I am writing a poem about it my mind.

I think Marvin does miss you. And I'm happy you still feel comfortable enough to call him and sing such a lovely song into his voicemail. Was he giggling when he called back or was he trying to sound stern?

That video. Huh. I was riveted by the clown/acrobat on the high wire in the background. I was waiting for there to be a Wizard of Oz behind the scenes hanging to happen. I also think it must have been a Disney Channel Christmas concert or something. Strange.

[June Gardens]

Marvin had stern, annoyed voice. A voice that always cracked me up, by the way, because annoying Marvin is hilarious.

[The Furry Godmother those shoes are still up in my head! Anthropology?]

It was less of an insult to you as it was to the boring, infamous,lame woman he chose simply so he won't have to work so hard. Yikes.

Ima need to disobey your wishes today. I don't want to be traumatized by scary clowns this morning. Sorry if that adds to your distress. Really. It's me. Not you.

[Letha,]

JAN! Last night I watched Say Anything, and every time Corey picked up her guitar to sing one of the 65 songs she wrote about her breakup with Joe, I thought of you.

You're welcome.

[Newer JoAnn]

I feel like you dodged a bullet with that guy. Don't you feel bad for Ms. Exclusive? She's dating a total jerk who will never be interested in her minutiae...and she will never be allowed to be funny or quick. She'll have to be slow and dull. I wouldn't wish it on you June...I just wouldn't.

Next time (if you ever see him again perchance) have that video ready on your phone. Then when he tries to show you photos of his girlfriend and read texts (WHO DOES THAT?!?!?!) you can whip out the clowns. It's only fair. He needs to see it.

I love your blog. I laugh and I obsess over it, and even when I'm not commenting I'm like, "Oh, how's June? so funny."

[Hulk (Each your shorts out of my crack pot. Now THAT is funny. Gold, Junie. GOLD!)]

Oh that's mature...

[Jan I hope your date reads today. What an egotistical, stupid motherf*ucker.]

Thank you, Letha. Joe lies when he cries. Lies, lies, lies. I was reading in bed last night and right before I turned off the light I started channel surfing. Say Anythin will be on one night this week. I set the TiVo. Ima make my 13 year old watch it. OR maybe not. I always get concerned I'm showing her too much. But I think I was 13 when I watched it for the first time.

Oh. The minutiae!

[DB in MD]

Ack! What an ass! Banish his royal assyness from your thoughts and move on.

I laughed over your message on Marvin's voicemail. I'm betting Marvin was just trying to sound stern and annoyed so he wouldn't burst out laughing.

[Amy in MD]

Edsel flailing made me think immediately of Siren.

[dates like this make me glad i have my dogs]

so familiar......I just do not get guys these days....at least in 1979 they had videos to watch like this, now they just have entertaining thoroughly wonderful bloggers to read, who might be able to broaden their horizons for a minutiae

[Vicky in Delaware who hates insecure Men who try to use tranference to make themselves and their teeny weiners feel better.]

Hello Mr. Minutiae - You are an ass.You don't get June at all. And yes, she is famous and if you could understand how incredible she is in your pea brain you would understand why she is FAMOUS. You are now FAMOUS for being a JACKHOLE. Your new exclusive life partner sure is a LUCKY GAL.
Sincerely,
June Worshipper

[Maryanne the verbose lurker]

When I was 14 I used to walk around the house bellowing that song and glaring at my mother the whole time. All I needed was a clown writhing on the floor and I would have be living the video.

Also, Mr. Minutiae is a narcissist. Funny how he lost interest when you stopped writing about him. Bet he's reading you today. (Hi, Mr. Minutiae. Up yours, if anything can squeeze in down there. My sympathies to Ms. Exclusive.)

Before the internets, I did the phone dating thing. You couldn't even *see* them, which was better than the newspaper personal ads because then you couldn't ever HEAR them! Lots of poor souls & assholes (working title of my dating memoir). A nationally known (at the time) author answered my phone ad and I jokingly asked if he was writing a book about the personals. He got defensive and sniffed, "There wouldn't be enough material for a book. (pause) Maybe an article." Also, he may have been pleasuring himself during our conversation. Either that or he got kicked in the stomach near the end of our chat and was noticeably less uptight for the rest of our talk. He called me the next day and asked if I would like to come over to his house for a beer. Um, no.

Then I met a guy *chose* me as Ms. Exclusive and I spent the longest 9 months of my life dating a narcissist who thought less of me because I liked him. Okay.

Obviously, I gave up on dating and was settling into my life as a happy singleton when I got a call from a girl I knew who fixed me up on a date with my now husband. All because we each had two cats. Now we have one kid, the remaining 19+ year-old cat and a little dog who could only get closer to me if crawled up an orifice.

Note to Friends of June: Make with the pre-screened bachelors, widowers & divorcees!

[Ruby Blue, laughing it up OUT LOUD]

The video! I haven't laughed this hard on a Sunday morning since the morning after one of my own worst dates--there was minutia involved in that date, too. The clown thing on the wire! Kicking its little legs. Woo! And Melissa just stands there and sings like this idiocy is not happening. Loved it. Ah, 1979.

[Duffylou - i agree with jan, egotistical, ignorant motherfucker.]

Hey effing idiot, yes I'm talking directly to you...I actually met the lovely and vivacious June. Too bad you couldn't keep up with the witty repartee. Not only is she a jovial sensitive person in real life, her bloggy self is a comic genius.

June, why oh why are you even wasting any of your precious time on the asshat? You have so many great prospects in the wings.

Melissa Manchester was a crazy ass bitch. Whatever happened to her?

[PJ I had so much adrenalin when I hit the street that I would have killed the first motherfucker* who even LOOKED at me. No, Godchild, I am not going to tell you the backstory.]

If a friend of mine told me this story I would make her practice getting up from the table and saying, "Excuse me. I'm leaving now. Good bye." about 95 times.

I've only done it once. In a fancy French restaurant in San Francisco. And the chairs were delicate little Frenchy things. And I didn't mean to at all but my purse caught on my chair and and pulled it over as I left the table. Every single person in the room turned and looked.

And then, God knows why, my necklace broke and beads flew all over as I was walking past the maitre de and he chased me out onto the street yelling, "Are you okay? Madam! Are you okay?"

Dignity to Drama Queen in 3.2 seconds. And all I was trying to do was stand up, say good-bye and walk out with dignity. Believe me, it takes practice.

[Peter, who believes all the answers to the universe can be found in Seinfeld.]

June, let's face it, you ARE smarter and wittier than 90% of the men on the planet, and that is going to intimidate a lot of them. This guy was too much of a slug for you. You are so fortunate to have discovered it on the second date.

Obligatory question for every first date: "Did you like Seinfeld?"

[Mother]

Your ass WOULD make him a Sunday face. He knows that and that's why he is intimidated by you. Who would want a mealy-mouthed, unable-to-make-up-his-mind asshole such as that guy? You deserve someone who adores you. Until then forget these lesser men. They are not worth your time.

[Amy in MD]

PJ, that is an excellent story. There needs to be a video.

[Karla]

Look at it this way. You are you. You do not make any attempt to be anything other than you. I don't think you could if you tried. I know this because I am the same way. Last night? He was himself. Totally honest with you. That was a gift. Not everybody has to like everybody.
Sorry if this came out harsh, it is not how I mean it.
Going to watch the clown video now.

[Sleeping Beauty]

What a fucking idiot.

[Anita (so true about the answers, they're all there)]

Mealy-mouthed, HEE!

Peter, didn't you know, Junie does not like Seinfeld! I know, it's shocking. And ironic since these posts could so be one of the episodes.

[Mommie Dearest]

He's an ass. GAWD. I feel sorry for the unlucky woman he's going to be exclusive with. I mean, really? She asks about being exclusive and his response is to immediately arrange dates with two other women? What a dickhead. And then not reading your blog because you weren't writing about him? HAH! Well, scumbag - you're "famous" now - how do you like it?!!

Grrrr. I'm fuming over that stupid, egotistical, jerk!

But I did laugh out loud over the image of Marvin trying to discreetly listen to you belt out "Don't Cry Out Loud" whilst in a meeting....HAHAHA!!

[Suzanne]

What a bummer of a date! I have some super bad ones in my day. My hair dresser set me up with a guy who proceeded to tell me all the tragedies in his life the latest being dating a married woman he met at work whose husband killed himself when he found out. My hair dresser later said, "He had such a rough few years I thought he deserved a good date." I never let her fix me up again.

[Sadie - I'm actually surprised you gave him your blog address.]

I. The video was hilarious. I'm not afraid of clowns so I'm not scarred for life.

7. *Just keep it inside. Learn how to hide your feelings.* Advice like that keeps the psychiatrists in business. And botox in demand.

C. Cute guy did you a huge favor by not stringing you along. He was being honest in saying he could not keep up with your intelligence, quick wit and fame. The fact that he doesn't get you, does not change who you are one iota. Don't take it personally. Other than liking each other's looks, it definitely was not a match. As another reader commented, it was an interview and you moved him to the rejected stack. Next!

Y. Because we love you.

[Karla--Interpretive clown dancing is wrong. And bad.]

OK, video watched. Some questions.

1) WHAT THE HELL???
2) How did Melissa Manchester keep a straight face during that?
3) What do clowns and a tightrope puppet have to do with anything?
4) What show was that from?
5) Again...WHAT THE HELL?

Those clowns were like deranged Solid Gold dancers!

[Mrs. Oh is so not in the mood for the asshats of the world today.]

I have been labeled 'intimidating' as well through out my life. I see it like this for all the intimidating women out there:

It isn't our fault we are uber intelligent and witty. It actually is your fault for not being remotely intelligent, witty or interesting. And we shouldn't have to downplay who we are to uplift you.

Hopefully Ms. Exculsive will find your card and read this post and drop him like a hot potato. So maybe you are doing her a favor. What an asshat.

And whiskey tango foxtrot was up with Melissa's hair back in the day? I found her hair more disturbing than the clowns. MM played a concert in our downtown theatre in November so she still is kicking it - hopefully without the muppet-like clowns.

[Mattie....almost done unpacking.]

A. Don't cry out loud is tge worse advicr ever! Let it all out. I did too much of that hide my feelings crap and it is not healthy.

2. WTF....Melissa is doing some major hiding her shame and disgrace in that vid. She is really good at pretending that nothing out of the ordinary is going on around her. Wow- just wow.

iii. You dodged a bullet with Mr. Minutae. He is horribily insecure and narcissitic. I know many already said that but since I know he will read every comment, he should see how many of us agree and that it is not a few ppl who think so. You are tarred and feather Mr. Minutae......you know who I hate, men who need to put ppl down to feel better about themselves. D-bag.

delta. Marvin story-hilarious!

[Lisa@SliceOfLife]

Well. He sounds like a dimwitted dullard.

[Amish Annie/Paul has no idea why I continue to refer to men and women as chicks and dudes]

Your ability and willingness to be so open is courageous. Your musings on daily life are insightful. You are a writer who creates an environment that not only is free-spirited and amusing but gosh dang, I actually learn stuff from this blog and the comments. Serious info stuff like tumors and depression and not-so-serious stuff like the best dog food, dog collars, make-up to buy. Seriously, I am always spouting facts and information (and funny stories)from this blog to Stud Muffin.

Also, CAN NOT STAND IT when dudes are intimidated by strong women. My blood is boiling just thinking of that.

Man, you should start dating some not-so-attractive dudes. Confident dudes who respect and appreciate what chicks bring to the table.

[Kathy]

"Famous? And smart and quick are bad things?" These most certainly are bad things if you're an asshat. With teeth.

I always had difficulty hooking an exclusive arrangement because so many guys were intimidated by my funny and smarts. (I must have dated some pretty impressive idiots)

I once dated a guy for almost a year who made sure to watch my weight. So very kind of him. And I put up with that crap because 1) he was hot, and h)it always took me so long to find a boyfriend. Being all witty and smart and did I mention - loud? How smart was that? Oh. I think I need to video blog about that douchehammer because now you've got me reliving the fool. Thanks a lot, June! For that and for the MM video that must have been choreographed by her niece?

BTW - Have you seen me video blog? I am famous, smart and quick(ish)!

These dates will one day make a great book. Or perhaps we should start a bad date website because I've got oodles of entries!

[Peter, still playing catch-up.]

I had no idea, Anita. That's what happens when you're late to the party. But it doesn't change my advice. A person who enjoyed Seinfeld will (a) understand and appreciate June's sense of humor; (3) enjoy quick witted banter; and (#) recognize that life is often banal and idiotic, and it's still wonderful. Case closed.

[Beth in IA, where it is still cold and snowy]

June, you are all kinds of awesome. Times 20!! The right guy needs to be equally as awesome and clearly this one WAS NOT.

Thanks for all the smart and funny you share here.

PS - What kind of guy goes on dates with TWO different woman just after another has asked him for exclusivity? I feel sorry for Ms. Exclusive because that sounds like a whole lot of crap and heartache coming her way.

[Sadie - Karla and I are on the same wavelength.]

PJ and Maryanne had quite the stories.

[Kelly Pie]

Seeing as clowns are from and of the devil, I guess I should be glad that when I clicked on the veedeo, I got the "an error occurred, please try later" notice.

Clearly this guy has a need to be The Star in a relationship. And if he's not, you KNOW he'll be mean and nasty and cruel so thank your lucky stars you escaped that fresh hell.

[The Zadge]

I'm taking a break from my weekend of stomach flu (yes, June, there's been lots of puking, but on the upside, my muffin top is now gone) to say that he sounds like every loser date I've had on Match. Except mine try to pay with gift cards that don't have enough money on them.

[Kelly Pie]

Well, I just HAD to keep trying to see that veedeo.

Big mistake. HUGE.

Disturbing does not begin to describe it.

[Mother]

It is true that it is a good thing the guy last night was truthful with June about his feelings except that this was not the first time they had met or communicated. He already knew all this stuff when they set up this second date. So what kind of a sadistically mean person is he?

[LauraL who will now have that stupid song stuck in my head AND can't scrub the image of the video off her brain]

Just watched the veedeo, and ... What the FUCK?? Those clowns. There is just so much WRONG with them. GAH!!!

[Mrs. Gumby]

June,
Ick! What a horrible date.

But at least you're famous and have super great eyelashes! :-)

Hang in there. Your Pie Peeps are here for you. And... Mr. Lame McLamerson, if you're reading this? I hope you get what you deserve. Heh, heh, heh.... [evil chuckling inserted here]

[Texas Kari - don't worry June, before you know it someone will be staring at you in Personal Growth and all will be well]

Shouldn't an asshat be something to wear?
as in, "THEN my stupid date put on his asshat and said ....."

I was starting to wonder how many tester dates this guy was going to need before he decided if the other woman was worth his exclusive time and attention. I guess the answer is two. WEIRDO!

[dancer]

I'm on the run today. Will be back to read the hilarity that ensues on this blog. gawd I hope I'm using ensues correctly.

Anyway. You don't strike me as someone who cussing out loud.

Lesson learned. Next time you get up and say, Eff you, MoFo! and, Hell yeah I'm going to trash your sorry ass on my blog. Here's the card.

Just my opinion.

[suburbancorrespondent who thinks June should get some sort of merit badge for dating]

I don't know why we should be interested in your minutiae, either; but we all do seem to keep coming back for more, don't we? I think the guy is a control freak, first of all; and he is also really insecure, if he cannot handle a woman being funnier than he is.

I love PJ's story about her SMOOTH exit from that French restaurant. And your minutiae, of course...

[Letha, rain rain go away]

I just re-read. The guy may be all the things we are calling him, but really he just sounds like a screwed up person with bad manners.

[HB always make them buy you dinner...]

Well if he paid for dinner it wasn't a total loss. And what a lucky gal he's going to. I agree, you don't have to get along with everyone & you dodged potential heartache. What movie are you & TB going to see?

[Dick Whitman]

Wow darlin'... What a bozo that guy was! You ARE funny, but not in the least intimidating. You are also sweet and thoughtful. What a loser that dude was. Good riddance!

[June Gardens]

Says, Dick Whitman, who I broke up with because he wasnt ready to date exclusively and now he is dating someone exclusively. Repulsive Shield!

[Cuckoobirdlane (live life large in case the Mayans are right)]

For crying out loud that video WAS awful.

Nothing can be THAT bad June. Tomorrow is a new day. Hey, today is too.

[Sarah - I hate dating]

You are much better off without that loser June! I agree with everything everyone else here has already posted.

The only thing I can add to the conversation is to let you know that I, too, apparently have a Repulsivity Shield. Mine works for dating and shopping for large-purchase items such as cars or household appliances. I can walk into HH Gregg wearing nothing but $100 bills covering my body and the salespeople act like they don't see me. My mom thought I was just imagining it until she went shopping with me one day...

[original joann--Didn't Melissa Manchester die? Probably of clown fright.]

I was reading your horror story about the Assbag and I got to the part where he was dissing your blog and I yelled out loud, "NO!" Yes, that was the part that hurt me the most, too.

This guy needs to take a class on Women 101. I feel sorry for the chick he's going exclusive with.

Here's my worst date story: I met this cute guy one night. Yes, in a bar! He was in Fl for the summer. We went out on two dates, had a lovely time. He went back home and we had some phone calls, some letters, (Dark Ages before computers) between us. He came to see me about 3 months later and I met him for dinner. We'd just ordered, when he said, "Let's cut to the chase. The place I'm staying has a jacuzzi. I'd love to take you back there, get you naked. Otherwise, I think we're both wasting our time here." I did dramatically storm out, although not as awesomely as PJ.

June, you are beautiful. You have great hands and a lovely class ring. Men are falling over each other to get to you. You have great hair and ever better eyelashes. You are quite possibly the funniest person on the planet. And your blog kicks ass. Don't you worry about a thing, Puddin' Head, you are fabulous. Ass Bag is not worthy to carry your chewed up shoes.

[KatieKazoo]

"You were so great. Whatever happened, there?" and he was all, "I'll tell you what happened. You broke my heart a little because I thought we had a great time."

The guy is a sociopath.

How sweet that Marvin would listen to your voice mail during a meeting, rather than wait until afterwards. After all, it's June. What could possibly go wrong?

[Mary Lou wonders if Peter remembers bad breakup guy]

Still shaking my head over minutiae man...just...ugh-
Lucky Miss Exclusive-he's ALL YOURS sweetheart!
You dodged a major bullet o' bullshit, so for that I'm thankful-
Also thankful I read comments BEFORE I clicked the veedeeo-
CLOWNS-HATE THEM!
Wish I could remember the movie with the dinner date scene...
He was so disgusting that she excused herself, told the maitre de they were celebrating something important and would like a bottle of champagne- walked out, got in a cab, waved and gave him the finger as she drove off-
Priceless-

[Jeanie]

Veedeo = wtf?

Date = asshat

June = lovely

[Kelly]

OMG. Clown nightmares forever. Thanks.
;)

[Texas Kari - don't worry June, before you know it someone will be staring at you in Personal Growth and all will be well]

That veedeo reminds me of the funny commercial out right now with the family chased out to their porch by a freaky little clown figure they received in the mail. They are staring in at the clown when the mail carrier arrives to tell them how to mail it back. It perfectly plays on clown fears. Have y'all seen it?

[Beverly]

Oh June. Add me to the long list of people who are happy you found out what this guy is really like on the second date.

I went on a date once which always win the contest amongst my friends of worst date ever. The entire thing was awful from the first moment when he got out of his car in the parking lot with no shirt on, flexed his muscles, and finished getting dressed to the moment he told me had slept with his ex-girlfriend's mom and couldn't believe she broke up with him because of it, to when he called me that night to tell me he doesn't know how I can fit my "truck-sized ass through the door of my house" and then called me at 5:00 the next morning to tell me how much he enjoyed our date and couldn't wait to see me again. Um, no dude. Absolutely not.

Sometimes people can't hide their crazy long enough to get you hooked into a relationship. I'm glad this guy wasn't able to so that you avoid major hurt and heartbreak by falling for him and then realizing what an ass he is. But I tend to think he's pompous because he probably has low self-esteem and is trying to make himself feel way more important and desirable than he is. I had an ex-husband like that.

But I'm sorry you had to endure even one dinner like this.

[ruth]

Well right now I kinda love Dick Whitman.

[Tracey S]

Why waste your time on someone who obviously doesn't deserve you?

[Lisa Pie]

Listen to your Mother. She is spot on.

[Angie]

I don't think this is the appropriate response-but I am cracking up about that guy! Seriously...how bizarre is he? "I quit reading when it wasn't about me." "You're famous and smart and quick."

Why didn't he just say "You are awesome and that makes me see what a loser I am. I don't like that mirror so I'm going back to the chick who's more of a loser than me because she makes me feel good about myself."

And I'll tell you why people like reading your minutiae. Or at least one reason. We can relate to the things that happen to you. And then you are honest and funny about it, so we see you go through things that SUCK and things that are awesome and we know that things will get better for us too. And I hope some commenters do the same for you. Minutiae is important. It's how everyone knows they aren't alone in the world.

[Linda in CO]

This guy needs a mouth censor. He can think any of these thoughts he wants but has no business letting them come out his mouth. Just the act of saying them out loud is meant to make June feel bad about being wonderful herself. Good that she found out early. He's just another frog she had to kiss on her way to finding her prince.

I could not keep my eyes off the high wire muppet. I kept expecting it to take a dive or at least slip and dangle there behind her. What a bazarre video.

[Linda in CO]

I meant to say "being her wonderful self".

[Hulk (No, no appetizer for us. Just the free salsa chips and I'll take a Coke. FREE REFILLS RIGHT??? I'M THE DESIGNATED DRIVER!)]

Try to pay with a gift card that doesn't have enough money on it...

Oh man, Zadge. That is effed up. And I am not laughing at you, but that story kills me. I am DYING over that. I canNOT even imagine how that conversation would go...

[Steve's wife, Beth]

If not for the other date in October, I think Casey Kasem would refer to this nutjob as a one-date wonder.

He needs a mental-health-provider referral.

[GreenInOC]

I think you should be dancing in the streets - just not like those clowns! - that guy showed you his ass face rather quickly and saved you from wasting good hair days on him!

[Poochie (the shoe obsessed co-worker)]

This dude is cray-cray. I've only known you for a week and I love you already. Let's commiserate over lunch or dinner or Pop-tarts from the vending machine.

[Lisa from TX]

Others have said it before me, but you really lucked out in finding out that (to put it kindly) he's narcissistic and clueless. DO NOT make it about you.

Although if you were to make it about you, you are kind of like the Good Luck Chuck of men finding exclusive relationships. (You know the movie where every time the woman sleeps with Chuck she meets the man she's gonna marry?) (Oh, and not that you slept with them!) We just have to come up with your clever rhyming name like Love Strewn June.

Not that I am a man, but I find smart and funny people to be the most attractive. Add in your long lashes and you are so hot!

[Poochie (the shoe obsessed co-worker)]

Also, I think that video is from the muppet show.

[The Zadge]

And Hulk, that was after he told me that his ex-wife said he was a sexoholic and that he wasn't sure he would be comfortable dating me because I made so much more money than him. HE WOULDN'T BE COMFORTABLE?!

[Mary Lou-registerd Eds and SHOOOES addict]

Poochie!!
We love you!!
And your SHOOOOES!!!

[Barb from Milwaukee]

Everyone.... you are all killing me today!

[Lisa Pie]

Poochie!!!

Love your blog! I just went and looked at all your gorgeous polish, tights, shoes, etc. Those clear Bass shoes are right up my alley. Fabulous!

Welcome aboard the Pie Express!

[Poochie (the shoe and pop-tart obsessed co-worker)]

Thank you for the big welcome everyone.

Also, I have I note that I invited June for pop-tarts (because I love them) WITHOUT knowing she likes pop-tarts. I just read and d post where she talks about them and now it is obvious we are meant to be together.

[Poochie (the shoe and pop-tart obsessed co-worker)]

Ugh. "I have I noted" ???

I have to note...

[Peter, who thinks June will find Mr. Exclusive as soon as the timing is right.]

Why we are wasting all of this time talking about this clown? June's two dates with him lasted half as long as the venting. He isn't worth the pixels that have gone into today's blog. And isn't it really a compliment that he said she was too smart, funny and popular for him rather than dumb, dull and friendless?

Plus, Poochie is now IN THE HOUSE!!

[original joann--Didn't Melissa Manchester die? Probably of clown fright.]

OMG! Poochie, I just sauntered over to your blog. I am in love with you and I want to live in your shoe closet. I'm a 6.5?

Seriously, you are one stylish girl. And now I must go call my husband who is whooping it up in Vegas to break the news that I'm leaving him for a woman in the most fabulous shoes.

[Anita (Welcome Poochie!)]

Very good point Peter, it was a compliment. It was the delivery that was lacking.

Who was I supposed to tell when I made the lentil soup without the marjoram? Well, I did and it was still delicious, even better the second day. I was also out of oregano so I used basil.

[Letha, rain rain go away]

I think it was Hulk who wanted to know, Anita.