I hate it when I'm dreaming about work and then the alarm goes off. I really should be getting paid for that time. Also? I cannot begin to tell you how annoying it is that the moment I wake up, Edsel straddles me and licks me on the lips. It's disgusting. I feel all Lucy Van Pelt. DOG GERMS! GET THE IODINE!
Must he do it right on the LIPS? No wonder I got sick. Blech. Why must that dog be so passionately in LOVE with me? It's irritating.
Last night the Tall Boy came over, as planned, to watch Say Anything. It goes without saying that he liked it, and I do not want anymore annoying discussion in the comments about "Oh, was that the movie where John Cusak travels to LA to bang a chick?" If you haven't seen it, just do not TELL me. Cause you're gonna make me mad. Did I not say it was required viewing for this blog? I did. Don't MAKE me come there and smack you with Joan Cusak's liver.
I don't know why I had to pick Joan.
The point is, we made these elaborate plans and I don't even own the movie. I guess the other 494954 times I've watched it we Netflixed it or it was just on or something. So I had to go on Amazon and buy it. I did not TRAVEL TO the Amazon, which would've been dramatic.
How would Lloyd Dobbler have wooed Diane Court in 2012? Sent her a YouTube video of In Your Eyes? Because it's not the same. Texted her? "standg in yr yrd. n yr eyz. th lgt th heet. yr eyz. lol."
Anyway, Tall Boy said that Edsel was night and day different, with his new fancy raining. Raining. TRAINING. His new fancy training. He also rains. Am hoping to make million dollars from this new trick. Edsel did not jump on Tall Boy, which would have required a javelin anyway, and he did not get all up in TB's grille when we were eating. During the movie, Eds curled up in his dog bed and went to sleep. Tallulah ambled to actual bed and flumped into her regularly scheduled slumber.
Iris, however, slept purring on Tall Boy the entire movie. I do not know if I've mentioned to you that Iris is a blind tramp. She will sleep on anybody. Mostly because she has no idea if this is the same or a whole new person. But she purrs like a grinder and charms everyone with her teensy while paws.
I would have taken pictures of this but I was too busy watching Say Anything. And I am sorry to tell you that every scene where Cory is obsessed with Joe tickles me anew, even though I've seen it 200 times. "Her family is being ripped apart. Like Joe and I were ripped apart."
Who got obsessed like that in her high school years? Was it June? Had June been able to play the guitar, would she have written 65 songs about Cardinal, her high school boyfriend who now reads this blog? Hello, Cardinal. You invade my soul. Okay, you don't, but sometimes you invade the comments.
Oh, and speaking of my many nonboyfriends, yesterday on this very blog, there was an ad at the side for dog flowers.
I found the link for the flowers, which wasn't tough because the ad was on my own blog and all, and sent it to, oh, 80 of my friends. I also included my work address and said anyone who wanted to send me dog flowers could feel free.
I got a lot of "don't hold your breath" replies, WHICH I AM. I AM HOLDING MY BREATH TILL I GET THE FLOWERS, and WON'T YOU FEEL BAD WHEN I DIE, and I also got this from a different ex-boyfriend:
Okay, I must shower before getting into my street attire. I feel bad about Dooce. She and her husband separated. Did y'all see that? I feel like I know her. It bothered me all night.
Maybe Dooce needs a nice dog flower bouquet. I could have them send it with something on the dog's head, like Chuck always has.
Okay, really going now. Because like dog flowers, this post was necessary and unridiculous.