I am sad about Heidi Klum and Seal, which is not at all pathetic of me, because I know them really well and Heidi Klum and I are like this. But they always seemed so happy, and like such a hot couple, and once again I'd like to remind you of the many times they came over and the marathon phone sesh Heidi and I had that time.
To add patheticness to delusion, I checked America's Top News Source, TMZ, to get the full story, and of course there WAS none, other than they have irreconcilable differences. Gee, do they? That tells us a lot. But in the comments someone said, "Seal looks like my ass with teeth."
And I am sorry but I fell out my chair in hysterics. Because you know that's awful. And yet hilarious. Ass with teeth. Poor Seal.
While I'm on the topic of stalking people, you know how I love the new girl at work?
LOVE.HER. Do you think she'd think it was weird if I followed her around with my bottom teeth out like Edsel?
Here are the shoes she wore to work yesterday.
No, seriously. Like, if I rested my chin on her desk while she worked, that's no big deal, right? And did the Edsel sigh? Hmmmmmmmmm.
you no, edzul resent. do not spend ALL day followeeng m--oh who edz kiddeeng. where you go now, mom?
I must go now, because Iris has her follow-up vet appointment.
she do?
There is a chance they may have to remove her wonky eye altogether.
wait. wats?
I will inform you as developments warrant. Oh, did I tell you I have a second date with the guy from the other night? Whose blog name is going to be Ranger Johnson, and we did not get that from doing the porn name thing at all. His dad had, like, four dogs as a kid through the years and named them all Ranger. Then when this guy was a kid, they got a dog and guess what they named it?
I mean, take EIGHT SECONDS and think of something else. How could you refer to the dogs of the past? "Remember when Ranger got that skunk?" You'd be all, wait. Which EFFING RANGER?
iris see gud! playing! playing gud! not to take out eye, pleez.
*You know, I heer it just awful, Iris. Terrible surguree. Lily haf many storee she can tell you.*
Okay. Going. Not berserk today at all.
