My life has been redackulous since before Christmas. Have you noticed that? Have you gone around thinking of little else other than my life since Christmastime? Why not?
First I had the incident with the money, where I accidentally sent $1,600 to a credit card, when I meant to send $200 (I clicked the wrong CALENDAR on their website. That's all I did! I clicked the right DOT to pay $200, but then they asked, "Wait! What day did you want to pay?" and they directed me back to the page, and I clicked the calendar--the CALENDAR!!--next to the "pay my whole bill" thing, and it paid my stupid credit card $1,600. Yes, I do owe that much on my credit card. It's my vet credit card. What did you THINK was on that thing? Have you met my life?).
So I went all of Christmas with negative $600 in my checking account before I got THAT straightened out, and I still owe my stepgrandmother a Christmas gift. My stepgrandmother, who has 97378 real grandchildren, yet never forgets to send me a birthday and a Christmas card, each with $20 in them.
I am a jerk.
Then I had 58 visitors from Christmas till after the new year, and it doesn't bug me at all when people capitalize "new year" incorrectly.
As soon as everyone left, I had an ENORMOUS book due for the statistics textbook company for whom I freelance, an even bigger one than usual. It had line numbers and articles that I had to compare word-for-word, and references at the end of each article that I had to compare letter by letter, and an answer key that also referenced the dang line numbers, and I wonder if you could just club me about the head.
And if that weren't pressure enough, then I had to get all SICK, and be unable to even SIT UP without waves of hideous nausea crashing over me, rendering me unable to look at the book for days at a time, so even though the book was supposed to be mailed out yesterday for Tuesday delivery, I didn't get it in the
box until after 11:00 p.m. Because it was not imperative that I watch the extra-long Real Housewives last night while I worked. Or anything. They added an extra 15 minutes last night, because there was too much drama to pack in to just an hour.
If you ever catch me dating a man who looks or acts like Ken, I want you to club me about the head more than you just did. Ken the hideous one, not Ken the endearing Brit with the mullet. Did he really need to stand outside the bathroom UNENDINGLY like that? Irritating.
If you do not watch Real Housewives, there is just no reason to read this blog. In fact, I don't see how you can read this blog if you haven't seen It's a Wonderful Life, Say Anything or Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Which leads me to my point. The Tall Boy, who I dated for precisely one month of my life (Tall Boy. November-November 2011), has never seen Say Anything, and this bugs the CRAP out of me. It does. What in hell has he been doing since 1989 that could be remotely better than watching Say Anything? Huh? What? WHAT? Bagging women? Writing a book, which he did? Having a cool job and living in New York, which he also did? Oh, so what. SEE SAY ANYTHING.
So tonight, he is coming over and we are watching it. We have been trying to arrange this night for 48 nights, but I kept working or barfing or working and barfing. The house is a wreck, and you know how tidy he is, but tough shitsky, said the sailor. My grandmother used to say that and I have no idea what it means.
Do you think I should give up on trying to get Fed Ex dollars? How long have I been trying to suck up to them with that
thing? Like, four years now? Have I gotten one thin dime from those em effs?
we luff momma. too maaach.
WHEN HARRY MET SALLY! I don't see how you can read this blog without having watched that, either. "You mean Joe is available?"