Your favorite unemployed blogger. Well. Technically Pioneer Woman has no job, right? Crap.

FER SALE

So yeah. Not so much with me having a job anymore.

And I do not want to say anything bad about my workplace, nor do I want you to, because it was strictly financial and they assured me over and over it had nothing to do with me or my performance, and that I could come back should it be possible AND I'D LIKE TO DO THAT.

If you are just getting here or you were just born or something, in which case perhaps you should be napping and not reading this depressing blog, this JUST HAPPENED TO ME. Last year. I had a job at another [insert my field here] and due to the economy and the part where I was last hired I got laid off. Then I found this current (past) job, which is (was) six minutes away, and I loved everyone there, and my boss was cool, and oh crap.

That's all I have to say about that. Maybe they based it on last week's bowling scores.

I got home late yesterday afternoon and immediately signed up for unemployment. And do you know it remembered all my info? Sad. And do you know I remembered my PIN? Similarly sad. Then I wrote my old boss at the place that laid me off last year, and he wrote back immediately and sounded kind of encouraging about being able to find me something, at least freelance work.

Then at the same minute, literally, I got a statistics book to proofread, from that company I always freelance for. That just came by coincidence, so that's a relief. At least I have some money coming from somewhere for this week.

You know what I wish I had done? Is kept that big stash of money I had, what?, two weeks ago. Instead I paid off a credit card, which I know is good, but still. And I'd frown about this but of course the rest of that money I put into my forehead in the form of rat poison.

Hey, maybe that will help me get a job. I'll seem 36 rather than 46. You think?

So I can start my statistics book today, which is good, and also I found many things that need doing around the house while I am stuck here.

I can learn to use the Gentle Leaders I bought for the dogs, back when I was flush and could spend $11 on leashes. The trainer who was here a few weeks ago (www.marciasbestdogs.net) had my dogs walking RIGHT NEXT TO ME with these.

I've tried Gentle Leaders before and Lu gently lay in the street like road kill when she had it in. But that trainer? Had her walking in five minutes.

The last trainer I had here similarly tried the Gentle Leader, and said, "In all my years, I've never met a more obstinate dog than Tallulah." I was kind of proud of Lu for that.

I can paint the redunkulous ceiling. I realize that will actually take money to do, but as you can see it needs doing. This is in the spare bedroom, where Lily and Iris hang out. Does anyone have how-to-paint-the-ceiling advice? Oh! But that reminds me.

Marvin sent me a picture of Anderson Cooper, all grown up, for our viewing pleasure. He looks the same, doesn't he? Marvin calls him Ampersand. I mean, he didn't change his name, he just calls him that instead of Anderson, thinking he's hilarious. Who misses Marvin thinking he's hilarious? ...Anyone?

Anderson/Ampersand is a beautiful cat. And he and Henry just love each other. Now I suppose some yahoo wants Marvin to send over a picture of Henry. June and her revolving jobs and cats and men.

Honestly, if I had blogged from 1998-2007, it would've been same job/man/cats. Okay, I switched jobs, but from 1999-2006 it was the same ding-dang job all the time, at least.

They're putting in sidewalks in my neighborhood, and it is sort of excellent that I will be home now, because I want to be one of those assholes who puts her initials in the cement. I should totally write JUNE and be not only an ass but a delusional one.

This also gives me ample time to work on my art. AKA my paint-by-numbers I bought at Michaels. I should totally do a giveaway after. Win June's fine art! Who WOULDN'T want a yellow and purple and brown and red painting? It'll look great in the family room.

I must go, because my old work just called to say they are delivering my personal effects from my desk and I do not wish to look like a loser in her robe, which I currently do. Who wishes she could answer the door in a barrel just to be hilarious?

Oy.

Comments

[Ms Spelling]

you know, I've always wondered where that whole poor-person-wearing-a-barrel concept came from....I mean, if I was so poor that I had to sell my clothes, where would I get the money for a barrel, and the suspenders to hold it up?
And yes, I think selling your paint-by-number artwork is an excellent idea. Seriously--someone WILL buy it.

[Letha]

Okay, everyone is still over at yesterday's post, saying OH NO, OMIGOD! Refresh, people.

Lovely, positive post, June.

Ampersand!

[sandra, what would I do without google]

I am happy to hear you have some freelancing work lined up and that you have not lost your funny.
Off to google ampersand.

[Letha]

Also, I am prepared to enter a bidding war with Zadge fer Edsel.

[KatieKazoo]

As I read, I thought well, at least her forehead won't be furrowed with worry.

I was "let go" at my job before this one, and that taught me to never, ever, keep anything personal on/in my desk and my computer. Always be prepared to pick up your purse and say "Adios, y'all!"

[Karla -- Hang in there, June!]

Based on what you have painted by numbers so far, I think it's a painting of either Pepe La Pew or maybe Foghorn Leghorn. Either one would be awesome!

I always try to get people to guess what I am knitting when I've done only a couple of rows. I know you didn't ask, and it's probably a painting of happy little trees or a wolf or something, but I am playing the game!

[Lisa]

Junie... even in your depths of despair you are still hilarious. Or is it hysterical? Well either one. You make me LOL all over the place.

And thank goodness for the gel mani - at least you won't have to worry about paying for a new set of nails in the near future! PHEW!!

My ad says "Apply for Unemployment" - who needs to advertise that?? And also "$97 to work from home!" JUNE! YOU'LL BE FINE!!

[Lisa]

Karla - I try to get people to guess what I'm knitting when I'm nearly done... so far? No winners!

[Mrs. Oh]

At first blush I thought the painting was of an Indian. But now I see it is a dog. You shouldn't do a give-a-way but an auction!!

[Karla -- Hang in there, June!]

Lisa, that is awesome!

[Letha]

Oh, it IS a dog in the painting. And if I am not mistaken, there is a barrel too. Or a half barrel.

[Anita (glad you have some free lance stuff coming in!)]

Some of us prematurely refresh and then realize at the last second their comment was still sitting there waiting for the garbled word to be typed in and then their comment is lost in a blink of an eye.

So anyway, as I was saying.....
You need to check for leaks before repainting. See if that is why it peeled in the first place. You will have to scrape the loose paint, spot prime and then paint. They have ceiling paint that goes on either pink or purple and then dries white. Helps you to see where you have painted. OR paint it a pretty sky blue. Then have DW come by and massage your neck. You will need it.

[Beverly]

I teach painting as my part-time job, June. I must say you are doing a bang up job on your paint by numbers. Also, I collect art from lots of my artist friends, so if you want to auction this one off when you're done I will put in a bid. I'm allergic to dogs so I can't fight Letha and Zadge for sweet Edsel.

[June Gardens]

Ohmygod, it IS a barrel. I shouldve known. Hey, what time does Price is Right start?

[Jen from MI, where layoffs are all too common]

OK, I could see it was a dog in the paint-by-number, but for a second there I wondered why the dog was playing a wooden flute.

Now I get that he's holding a newspaper. I think.

Sorry for the layoff. Keep your chin up!

[SheriW]

If you want to move back to Saginaw, my company is hiring another copywriter, another proofreader/editor (which is what I am) and a new communications manager. I'm sure the pay is nothing like what you're used to, however. Cheap. Is what this company is.

[Just Paula.]

Ampersand. Ampersand? Ampersand? Really, Marvin? Ampersand. ** shaking head quietly **

[Mary Lou]

I will buy Eds for one billion dollars-sending my address.
Please include Gentle Leader.
Anderson Ampersand is vay vay handsome now!
Anita is right on with the ceiling info-
One or two of your manly men should be able to help you with it-
DW? TB?
Come on boys, June NEEEDS your help!
Glad to hear you have some freelance work- things are already looking better!

[Joan in NV. Come work for me! Do you file?]

Carp on the layoff, but look at you with a plan.

[Amish Annie/Paul did I say they were horrible and awful? I meant FURRY and INQUISITIVE.]

I have an acre and a half fenced in just for my doggie who would LOVE a playmate named Edsel. I'm in on the Edsel bidding ruuummmmble. Actually I have two horribly awful ornery cats who I affectionately call Two Cats For Sale. Can we trade?

[Lisa]

He's the cat currently known as &.

[Joan in NV. Come work for me! Do you file?]

Oh, and didn't one of Marvin's beasties wander off? Is he back (the beastie, not Marvin). I'm old. And forgetful.

[The Furry Godmother]

I'm worried. Is Poochie safe?

You need some sage to smudge yourself and the house. Seriously.

Terra said to tell you he's so sorry. And everything will be fine in the end.

[The Zadge knows all will turn out good for June]

Back off Mary Lou. I was here first and he's mine, all mine.

[Anne]

Oh, June. I adore you and your shit-for-luck with jobs. If I had not just this very morning overdrafted my checking account I would hire you to follow me around and be hilarious.

[Vicky in Delaware wondering how much more one person can handle in a year?]

Let's make today, February 1st 2012 National Tip June Day! I did ...shouldn't you? If anyone deserves a tip today it's her...

[Pollyanna]

this economy sucks, and I am so sorry for you! having been through that 101 times myself, I know.....but I am so glad that you have this blog, that you ARE GONNA PUT A BOOK TOGETHER AND MAKE MILLIONS AND SELL MOVIE RIGHTS and that in the end all will be better than ever......now is your time......

[Pamela Soul Sister NUMBER TWO, emphasis on the # TWO]

Gone are the days when one was allowed to clean out one's desk themselves. Guess the concern is that one would pull out the AK or Glock they conveniently stashed in their drawer for that very moment and shoot up the place.

I love the sense of humor and positivety-in-the-face-of-adversity thing you've got going, June. You never cease to brighten our day! And you are going to be just fine!

Price is Right comes on at 11am here in NYC on CBS. Also there is that nonsense called "The View" on ABC.

[Anita]

Wear a hat when you paint the ceiling.

[Just Paula.]

Is Henry called Hashtag now?

[original joann]

Do NOT write your name in that concrete. My friend, the police officer, said they often arrest people for that if the concrete company wants to press charges and they always want to press charges because everyone wants to do that.

Then again, it would make a great blog post.

Sending you good vibes, prayers, mime hugs and a ridiculously small amount of proof work in the hopes that all of this will be very temporary.

[Letha]

And goggles.

[Hulk (Kidding. I have a spot for it in my shed...)]

"What time does 'Price Is Right' start..."

Dying...

Now what do I have to avoid doing/saying so I don't win that painting?

[Amish Annie/Paul you already have a pretty sari to wear to the India-themed Saginaw wedding]

Does this mean you're going to have to reconsider a betrothal to Hulk?

[original joann]

Also, you can usually find a marathon of America's Next Top Model during the day.

Because that Tyra Banks crap is like crack, you know it's awful bad, but one hit and you are addicted.

[The Furry Godmother]

Orrrrr, Joann, she could accidentally let Eds out to wander through the new concrete...

Allegedly!

[June Gardens]

Poochie is safe and I smudged a few months back already, remember?

[PJ]

Fur Sale?

[Suzanne]

What a bummer!

[MissusB]

usajobs.gov. Its almost impossible to get laid off from a federal government job. In the central time zone, The Price is Right is on at 10:00. But don't fall into the Jerry Springer/Maury trap, it will just make you feel icky and wrong.

[Jeanie]

Count me in on the bidding war for the Eds. Also, too? The painting. So good to see you can be humorous about this upheaval in your life. Keeping fingers crossed for at least temp work at your old job.

[Poochie (feeling awkward)]

Thank you for asking about me (and June for confirming). Of course I feel like the asshat in the room. Darn this advertising world. I've always said it's an industry where you can literally be canned at any minute due to the whims of the clients. Sigh.

June, I hope you still want to come over to dinner.

[PJ is glad you have two good companies that like you.]

As soon as I opened this post King of the Road started playing in my mind.

Definitely write June in that CE-ment. Just little, you know. Somebody down the street drew an erect male member with its dangling sack of, um, stuff. That is a tad disconcerting. Seeing June will make people happy.

[Hulk (T-bone?)]

But it is probably a Hello Kitty asshat, so it's cool...

Can I come over? What are we having? Wait...not shit on a leaf, right?

[L in ca]

June.you will need a scraper- thingy to smooth of the cracked paint. Then you kinda sand it (sandpaper) ..and use paint that does the job in one coat.. but a quick and no cost solution is to get a spatula from the kitchen and stand on a chair...scrap off the peeling edges of paint until smooth. It will look less annoying. This is how I fixed the bathroom ceiling until I could afford the stupid paint..

[PJ is glad you have two good companies that like you.]

Thank you, kind hilarious Marvin. Yes, I miss Marvin thinking he is hilarious. Anderson Ampersand is a glorious cat.

Yes, our favorite unemployed blogger. Pioneer who?

[Mary Lou]

And a face mask-

Zadge-
HA! It is SO on-
Two billion-

[Letha, glad you are safe]

Poochie, now she NEEDS to come over for dinner.

[Sadie is now humming, "The sun will come out tomorrow" for our Junie.]

There's June bouncing back with her freelance work. Good for you and your positive energy. Here's hoping by the time you finish your freelance, you will be rehired.

Anderson/Ampersand is a handsome cat. Glad he and Henry are a happy couple. Am I the only one who thinks Ampersand is clever?

Your art will bring big bucks because who wouldn't want to own a June Gardens original?

[Viking Amy in MD]

Ampersand is looking well. I'm glad he and Henry are happy together.

[Mary V]

Please tell me you wouldn't think of selling Eds! Maybe you should auction off your art to the highest bidder to raise some money. I bet that was already suggested wasn't it? Me and stampeding to the commenting again.

[Kira]

You would still be my favorite blogger even if the Pioneer Woman was wearing a barrel and suspenders.
Now that I think about it, I don't see how that would really increase her appeal.
Anyhow, sorry about this blow. That just sucks.

[jennyuk]

i am so sorry that your job has gone it seems you liked that place .
So glad that i am out of the work world and my time is my own money not great but thats life
chin up...

[Terri]

um name in the cement, don't do it. I have a friend whose boys did that when they were little and unfortunately not only signed their first name but also too their LAST name. Made it very easy for the city to find them and send a bill to the parents for redoing said sidewalk. Like $1200 worth of redo.......

[: : Garden Girl : :]

Don't beat yourself up for too long about paying off that credit card, June. It was the right thing to do at the time. You didn't know this was coming....do we ever?

[Elisabeth in WA (knows you would never ever part with Eds.)]

Yay for freelance jobs.

[Amish Annie/Paul clearly a bad advice-giver, although I do think you should have your own star cemented somewhere]

I'd say the hell with it and do up your hair real big, put on a pretty flowy dress and your Latisse eyelash stuff, run out to that wet cement, get down on yer knees, smile big and act all giddy as if a hundred photographers are snapping your lovely picure, then slam both manicured hands full-on in that wet cement.

[Mrs. Oh]

Cripes - I never realized editors were like Project Runway designers. Von dahy ur in, nexscht dahy your outz.

[The Furry Godmother]

Oh, good, Poochie! The last place was just awful with the parade of characters filing out one after the other. Don't feel awkward. You didn't do it to her!

And oh, yeah. I forgot about the smudging. I'm going to NOLA in a few weeks to walk in our Krewe, want me to pick up a gris gris for you?

[Lisa Pie - I know! it was in really bad taste. But I had to do it.]

In other news, Don Cornelius is dead of an apparent suicide. I am so sad about that.

But I can't resist saying "maybe it was because he heard of June's new unemployed status?"

[Ms. Spelling]

just learned that when you smudge you have to leave a window open so that the negative energy can escape. And it never hurts to smudge again.
yeah, and stick to locally-sourced gris-gris

[Jane]

Cement - half of the city sidewalks where I grew up are covered with the initials of everyone I went to school with. Wet cement rocks!

[June Gardens]

Okay! Wondering HOW MANY TIMES Ima hafta say NO ONE SAY EVEN THE SLIGHTEST THING BAD about my old job, please.

[Sadie - And tomorrow is Groundhog Day.]

Yay for National Tip June Day. Great idea, Vicky in Delaware and everyone else who mentioned it.

[Lenette]

Thanks for clearing that up on the sidewalk, I thought you had a mole, cuz that's what my yard looks like.

[Misti]

I'm glad you have projects and freelancing to keep you busy. Your painting looks great so far.

[Heather P]

June, trust me you will be so glad that you paid off that credit card-now just don't charge anything else and you will be fine.
I'm glad you have more freelance work coming your way. Ampersand has grown into a beautiful boy.
You probably do need to smudge again. Sometime June will you tell us how/where you learned to read the tarot cards?

[Peter, who would happily paint June's ceiling if she lived next door.]

I have no doubt, June, that you will land on your feet, and quickly. You are much too talented for me to think otherwise.

On the painting front, one other tip. There is no universal white paint for ceilings. It comes in a bazillion shades, so unless you know the brand and shade that was used originally, you're probably going to have to paint the entire ceiling. Unless you're okay with a splotchy paint job.

[Anita]

Quite true Peter, the whole ceiling has to be painted. Especially if you paint it blue. Because a blue splotch would look even worse.

Go ahead and smudge again. What could it hurt? Smear a little too while you're at it.

[Tiffaney wills good things for June toot sweet!]

Well this just sucks. I'm sorry, June. I think it's time to hit Drag Queen Bingo. Maybe you could have a windfall, and if not, a few compliments on your Latisse and gel nails could perk you right up!

[b]

I'm so sorry, June. It sounded like a great place with *fantastic* coworkers. It hurts so much when something good ends so unexpectedly.

Since it was purely a financial thing, I'm sure you'll be back as soon as they can make it happen. You made their world pink and sparkly and they must miss you a lot.

Standing in the doorway....

[auntiekim]

Anderson Cooper is gorgeous. Both of them.

I'm so sorry about your job. My company is being acquired and the deal is scheduled to close in the next month or so. Waiting for details now as to WHEN I will be laid off. Not IF. Definitely WHEN. I understand. Hope something fabulous comes your way soon. Hang in there.

[Kara :) - Make sure it's on the sunny side of the street.]

1. Pioneer woman has a cooking show -technically a job - so you're still in the running.

2. I think you should get a star made, and when the sidewalk workers leave for the night - you should lay the star in the pavement with your handprints.... :)

[Kate, who is way more poor than June, maybe I should move in and we can be spinsters together]

Almost impossible to get laid off from a federal government job? HA. Try twice in the last three years.

But the benefits were great, while they lasted.

[Linda in CO]

Why yes, this yahoo would like Marvin to send a picture of Henry. Better yet, a picture of the two gatos cuddled up together.
Yay for more freelance work. It'll make a nice tide-me-over until a new job comes around (or an old one).

[Tee]

That Anderson Cooper is a pretty boy. Speaking of Marvin, we went to a Glenn Miller Orchestra concert Sunday and one of the guys playing sax look so much like Marvin he could have passed as his twin.

If the paint coming off the ceiling has been caused by a leak in the roof that needs to be resolved first, then prime the spot to cover any water marks left by a leak and it's ready to paint. Peter is right, there are a billion shades of white. If you use good paint you will only have to paint one coat. I've learned this the hard way.

I'm glad you have freelance work and definitely auction off the painting. It could bring millions and finding another job would be a moot point.

[Another Unruly-Haired Person. Hating the soon-to-be-ex-husband and never ever wanting to date again.]

I too have lost work thanks to our lovely American recession that won't end. Sorry to hear, June. Glad you have some freelance stuff now.
I like the nickname "Ampersand." But then again, I also like documentaries and plaid flannel shirts. But I do NOT like Marvin's taste in music. Sorry, Plarvin.
What a beautiful cat he grew up to be (Anderson, not Plarvin)!
I suggest a Hello Kitty drawing in the cement, with "June" added as well. They'll never track you down that way.

[June Gardens]

How am I supposed to know if its a leak in the roof??

Sent from my iPhone, because I have scads of money.

[As Clever As It Gets erin]

Of course if you do write June in the wet cement and the cops come a-lookin' for the perp they won't find a June will they, since that is not your real name anyway, right? I say write away. But maybe late at night when there is no moon. You know, just in case.

Good news on the freelancing! I do think that you have to be open to the opportunities. And I am with Mary V on auctioning off the art. I am always looking for new art to put in my studio. You know, to inspire me.

[Tee]

A leak in the roof would cause a brownish/grayish stain on the ceiling. My husband always looked for this when he was inspecting homes.

[Joy]

I vote that you auction off your art to your faithful readers.

[June Gardens]

Yay! No stain. Plus I think the attic is above there, so...

Sent from my iPhone, because I have scads of money.

[Pamela Soul Sister NUMBER TWO "and as always in parting, we wish you love, peace and sooooooouuuuulllll!" RIP Don]

As Don Cornelius used to say, "it's gonna be a stone gas, baby!"

I think that was a good thing!

[June Gardens]

Speaking of gas, how did poor Don do himself in? Id look but am too busy lying down.

Sent from my iPhone, because I have scads of money.

[June Gardens]

I just looked. Gunshot. Men usually do it that way. Poor Don.

Sent from my iPhone, because I have scads of money.

[Anita]

Kate, we too have had to deal with the government crapola. They are not immune.

June, I would check the attic to be sure. See if the insulation is in place and not moist.

[Pamela Soul Sister NUMBER TWO "and as always in parting, we wish you love, peace and sooooooouuuuulllll!" RIP Don]

What a way to go...so violent!

Question? Did white kids watch Soul Train on Saturday mornings? It was destination TV for me...along with Josie & the Pussycats, Scooby Doo, Fat Albert, The Jackson 5, The Osmonds, HR Puffnstuff, Sylvester and Tweety, Bugs Bunny, etc., etc. So many good shows on back then...I never went outside!

[Mrs. Oh]

I get the stone gas too baby - usually after seafood.

[d-lou...not duffy-lou]

Anita did you have to say that word moist? Aargh I can barely type it.

[Bobbi]

Well, June, I have been reading your blog for quite a while and never even noticed the tip jar, much less knew how it worked. Comments from previous post have enlightened me and I headed straight to the tip jar !!
Hoping things turn around right away. Your deserve all good things, Junie......you have a great heart.

[Amish Annie/Paul]

It sounds like Don had some health issues recently.

Pamela SS#2, I watched all those same shows on Saturday morning but I must have watched American Bandstad instead of Soul Train. Was Soul Train on in ALL markets back then because I literally don't ever remember seeing it on any of the whole four whopping tv channels we got when I was young.

[Anita (I should have said damp, check to see if your insulation is DAMP!)]

d-lou, that is funny you said that. I had a hard time typing it myself. It's just so gross sounding. If my hands are dirty my husband will ask me if I need a moist towelette just to annoy me.

[June Gardens]

Soul Sis, this white girl never missed it.

Sent from my iPhone, because I have scads of money.

[sandra, I hope the old workplace can hire you back.]

Really, THAT'S what ampersand means? The "and symbol"? That is a superfancy name for something so simple. I thought it had to do with music or something. Well, learned something new today!

[Pamela Soul Sister NUMBER TWO Happy Black History Month...Black history is everyone's history!]

June's got Soul Train moves!

Amish A/P...the show was local from Chicago (and then LA) but syndicated in about 2 dozen other markets. Probably just the major cities with so-called "urban" markets got it.

It was a really funky show...the longest running, first run show in syndication for a whopping 35 years! Don C. leaves quite a legacy...

ABS was good, too. Dick Clark ruled the non-urban neck of the woods!

[Lisa Pie is just a wannabe.]

Pamela SS#2,

Of course this white girl watched Soul Train every Saturday. Brought to you by Afro Sheen and Ultra Sheen Cosmetics. What I would have given back then to have a real afro.

There is nothing better than 70s soul music. For me, Memphis is all about going to see Al Green. Graceland? Phew, that's an afterthought if there is free time.

[Tee]

You could put all your blog posts and comments in to a book and you could be rich like Pioneer Woman. You are already famous.

[Pamela Soul Sister NUMBER TWO Happy Black History Month...Black history is everyone's history!]

Hah! Lisa Pie! I had an afro in the 70s...and it CAUGHT ON FIRE at a birthday party (I leaned over the cake table...came into contact with some tapered candles...POOF)! The Afro Sheen was necessary but highly flammable!!!

I switched to braids.

[Nithya]

June, your painting's coming along nicely. I'm really wishing you all the best for finding another job. It's so unfair that someone who makes so many people happy has such bad luck.

You should totally write on the pavement. SCREW IT! Millions do it without getting caught, I have faith in your cunning and stealth. (I say to the lady who blogs everything...)

[Mel - Lover of all things snaggletoothed and/or tacky.]

I would buy Edsel if I had the $472409834 bajillion dollars he's worth (one *never* underpays on a dog adoption, ever!) but alas. I guess he'll have to stay with you :-)

Ampersand Cooper sounds like a death metal band. One that I now want to join. Badly.