So this has been a sort of harrowing few days. I hate waiting for medical test results. But finally Monday afternnoon my doctor called and said, "June? All your tests were negative." Which is about the best news you can hear. Other than, "June? This is Barry Gibb. Have finally left that wife of 42 years and I am all yours. Also, your go-go dancing skillz are needed at the Whiskey. Stat."
They thought I might have had the cervical cancer, which by the way comes from a very common STD known as HPV. Nearly all cervical cancer stems from that. WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN SO UNFAIR. I was, you know, married and engaged and all up in Marvin exclusively since 1996, and to tell you the truth, there hasn't been that much, you know,
HOOO-HAAAAAA
since I got single again. I am certain you wish to know every detail. And any
HOOO-HAAAAAAA
if there HAS been any, and I'm not saying either way, but if there WERE any, I would hoo-haaa safely. SO I WOULD HAVE BEEN REALLY ANNOYED TO GET CANCER FROM AN STD. Is what I am saying.
Anyway, I now have my PhD in HPV and false postive tests and pap smears and all that, so if you ever run into this issue (and anywhere from 50 to 80% of hoo-haaaing people will get HPV at one point or another, so...) (and you probably won't even know you had it because usually you shed it on your own), ask me anything. I now know.
And you want to know something kind of sad? As soon as I got my results I emailed ...friend, and also Dick Whitman, and Hulk, and some of my chick friends, and my parents.
And it was hours later that I finally thought to email Marvin.
Marvin used to be the first person I told, you know, EVERYTHING, and he was an afterthought. I guess that's natural at this point. But it's weird.
Speaking of Marvin, as you may or may not know, I never knew where he lived once he moved out. I told him not to tell me, because it was easier to pretend he didn't live here. It's like he was in the ether or something. Well, this weekend I got a letter from a bank; I think it's where his car loan is from. Anyway, it said, "We received your change of address form. You have moved from [my address] to [Marvin's address]."
THANKS, BANK. So now the cat's out THAT bag. So I asked Marvin if, since I now know where he hangs, where his crib is, his pad, and so on, if I could come see it. Wouldn't you kind of like to see how Marvin decorated and so forth? He said yes, of course I can come over and also see Henry and Anderson, so look for a Better Homes & Marvin Gardens issue of Bye Bye, Pie soon.
Finally, in summation, to end this post, I came home and danced till I got shin splints tonight,
then I streamed a movie. Have you seen We Bought a Zoo? Because I love me the Cameron Crowe and oh, did I sob at that movie, and that LITTLE GIRL in it! She was so good!
Also, would enjoy owning a zoo. Or even Zoom. Ohhh two one three fourrrr.
Okay, leaving now. BUT NOT LEAVING THE EARTH just yet.
Yay.
