I totally have sex hair right now.
Hey! How are you? It's a holiday, which means it's not the 16% reading, it's the .016%. But all three of you get to see my dumb hair. Congratulations!
So my plane ticket is purchased (thanks, Bank of Mom) (yes, I AM 46 years old and still needing my mom to buy me last-minutes plane tickets); I leave tomorrow, the funeral is Wednesday, and then I leave Wednesday night. It's kind of a whirlwind funeral tour. For a while there, it looked like ...friend was gonna road trip with me to Saginaw, but he had a work thing. Stupid responsibility. Funyuns still outselling Responsibilityuns.
Also, I had to search for something to wear to this shindig. I really never wear dresses, because I'm such a tomboy. Get me out there climbing trees and catching a ball. That's where I really feel at home.
So my mother (Bank of Mom) sent me a dress not long ago, and it's black (yes, mom, it is. She insisted it's blue but it isn't) and it has stripes, which seems kind of festive for a funeral, but it's all I got. The thing is, it'd be super perfect if I had some Spanx, which, dudes, for YEARS I had some in the back of my drawer, and now that I FINALLY need it, do you think it's there? I'll bet you anything I said, "Oh I never wear this Spank" and tossed it. Is the singular of Spanx "Spank"?
Speaking of quotes,
I'd like to know who said "DO NOT EAT." Who said it? Who are we quoting, here? Or is it sarcastic and we should TOTALLY eat the delicious silica gel? Which is it?
What does desiccant mean? Are they saying something negative about Desi Arnaz? What can't he do? Or ccan't he do?
Do you know what I have? Is too much time on my hands.
You know who doesn't, though? Is Lily. She is a wreck with all her responsibilityuns. I kind of want to read that Vermont Country Store catalog, but I guess right now it's literally a CATalog. That made no sense, really. I mean, as opposed to all that Desi Arnaz stuff I said earlier.
So I will try to blog at you tomorrow and then the next day, but I will be on the road again. Just can't wait to get on the road again. The wife I love is making music with my friends. ...Who said that? One of you said you thought those were the words, and it kills me. My point is, will post when I can.
In the meantime, I am off to buy a Spank, and coincidentally the second Shades of Grey book (I KNOW. But now I can't help myself), and some tanning lotion so if I DO wear that dress I do not look like I got bowling pins up under there.
Y'all enjoy the hell out of your Memorial Day. See? I am doing my part to remember what this day means. I am fighting the Battle of the Bulge, with my Spanx. (June. Completely not hilarious since 5.28.12.)
