I wish you all were here right now, which might get crowded and I haven't nearly enough dip, but I cannot BEGIN to tell you how idiotic the dogs are being and I wish you could just see it. There is an orange cat positively strolling--strolling! Like she's on the Champs-Elysees, taking her sweet time--across my yard. She hasn't an orange care in the world.
In the meantime, the dogs have leaped out of their bodies. Their skeletons are hovering up angrily near the window. They have each written an op-ed piece for the New York Times. Tallulah's article: Kat in Yurd SUK. Edsel's article: Yaah, it do.
In the meantime, they are mentioning, "WOOF!woofwoofwoofwoofwoof! grrrrrWOOF! we mean it! woooooof!"
I went outside to capture no-concern cat on film, but she wouldn't come near me. Please skrinch your eyes as much as possible. This is like one of those pictures with the dots, where if you stared long enough and ignored your entire family, eventually an image would pop up.
I think I have mentioned before that for me, and image NEVER popped up. Not once. Ever. I think those dot pictures are a scam. "Oh! I see it now!" No you don't. Faker.
Anyway. It's funny, is what it is. The cat seems to know that all that barking will amount to nothing so she will continue to roll in our grass. Edsel has had seven strokes while I've written this.
Speaking of my pets, yesterday was relaxing. Even though I give everyone Frontline each month, which does not mean we sit around watching Chris Hansen a lot. Wait. That's Dateline, not Frontline, isn't it? Whatever. Even though I give them Frontline, which when you own four pets is approximately $36,000 a month, THIS month they are all still itching. A lot. It's disturbing to be trying to sleep with thump thump thump thump thump going on next to you all night. It's like I've gone to bed with windup chattering teeth, which let's face it, sometimes I do.
So I called the beleaguered vet, who was nice enough to call me back and not force me to bring anyone in, because hi, she makes $36,00 a month on my Frontline alone. Anyway, she told me I had to "wash everything that CAN be washed, give each pet a Capstar, vacuum every single surface your animals lie on (read: each inch of my well-appointed home), then go back and revacuum, because the vibration of the vacuum will cause flea eggs to hatch."
Girl, you don't wanna know. Do you have any idea how LONG that took? And how exhausting that was? Am so over these animals. Oh, and a Capstar is this pill they take where all the fleas die immediately. It's kind of exciting. It was like the Civil War over here yesterday, with all the death and destruction. Unfortunately, Melanie went into labor and I had to step over the dying fleas to get Dr. Mead to come help.
See what I did, there? I referenced Gone with the Wind. Surprise!
Oh! And speaking of books, you all (other than that killjoy Mary) thought reading The ridiculous Thorn Birds was an excellent idea. The Thorn Birds. Oh, I crack myself up. I wonder if I can find my romper and Adidas tennis shoes, which is what I was probably wearing LAST time I read The Thorn Birds?
So read it now, or read it at the last minute. We will meet here the Sunday AFTER Labor Day to discuss. Whenever that is. I guess I should look it up.
One last thing before I go stroll the Champs-Elysees. Of all my animals, who do you think was hardest to pill? Who? Who do you think? Was it blind-ass Iris? That teensy innocent kitten? YES! I put the pills in canned food, and the dogs and Lily were all, Ooo! num num num num num. A can! Yes. They literally said, "num num num num num." But Iris? "Oooo! Can fud! And pill! Eyeriss eat can fud. You can haff pill."
THREE TIMES I had to give her glops of food before she ate it. And yes, I know they make pill pockets. I didn't HAVE any. IT WAS KIND OF A BUSY DAY. All right?
Oh! And how annoying am I, because didn't I say I was leaving? There is an article about me in the local paper today and I am WORLD FAMOUS now. June's blog. Home of the world-famous June. Just when I become a household name, I change my name to Dimebag Wasabi.