Some of you who've been around this stupid blog for some time may remember a feature I had on Fridays called Ask June. You'd, you know, ask me things and I'd answer them. I forget why we stopped doing it; I probably just kind of got over it, much like how the last time I awarded comment of the week was when I chose Alexander Graham Bell for his riveting, "Mr. Watson, come here. I need you."
But we're gonna have a special feature next week, a Very Special Bye Bye Pie, if you will. Dick Whitman's mom has agreed to be asked stuff.
Dick Whitman, featured above (no, no, NO. That's DW's mom. I know, right? You adore her already), is a friend of mine who for the first few months I knew him would talk about his mom all the time. He'd quote her and brag about her and it wasn't too long before I said. "I wanna meet your mom."
Then he kept NOT introducing me to her. "I WANT TO MEET YOUR MOM," I said again, knowing I would adore her. Whitman hawed and he hemmed and he finally got us together last year on Thanksgiving weekend. THANKSgiving, as they pronounce it here.
When I met her, she said, "You know, I hesitated to meet you." So see? It wasn't even Dick Whitman's doing that kept us apart. "I don't like to interfere in my children's lives, so I didn't want to meet any women DW was involved with."
"Oh, but I don't count!" I said, ignoring the two torrid months of hot romance Dick Whitman and I had had that summer. Okay, Dick Whitman and I saw a couple movies and had brunch at a fancy place once. That's about as torrid as it got. Then we broke up and stayed friends. They should make a movie about that. An Affair to Kind of Forget Because We're Much Better as Friends. Would you pay to see that movie?
My point is, I liked how she didn't want to get all up in DW's business. That she left him to his own devices. Then she gave BOTH of us the advice that neither of us should date anyone seriously until we'd been separated for a year. And you know, we both followed that advice. DW met his girlfriend right at about the year mark, and I didn't get exclusive with ...friend until two months ago. Which may or may NOT have been my idea, the not-exclusive-till-May thing. But I can complain about that on a different day.
(Ooooo, it burned me up. How could you NOT want ALL THIS exclusively from date number one? How could you see the WHOLE JUNE PACKAGE and not be worried sick some millioniare would snatch me up while you explored your options or whatever? For the record, ...friend never used that horrid "explore my options" phrase, which is a polite way of saying, "I'm gonna see if someone hotter comes along." Isn't that right, TALL BOY? But I'm not bitter.)
MY POINT IS--and didn't I already say that?--DW's mom was right. I had to go through a whole litany of phases that first year after I was separated. There was the YAY I'M FREE!! euphoria, there was the YAY I LOVE A HORRID PERSON! phase, there was the YAY I MADE A HORRIBLE MISTAKE! phase, there was the EVERYTHING SUCKS phase, there was the OKAY GLAD I AM SINGLE BUT KIND OF HATE IT phase and now there's finally the Oh, okay. And look! Here's a nice person I could like, maybe phase.
I finally got into a lowercase phase.
I never forgot DW's mom's advice, and let's face it. Girlfriend has been around longer than most of us, and was happily married for 495854839393 years, and snagged a hottie.
(Okay, this was the only photo I could find of DW's dad. Dick Whitman has a GREAT veeedeo of his dad on his Facebook page, but I don't know if you can capture a photo from veedeo. Anyway, you're gonna have to trust me. Dick Whitman is cute, right? Genes, man. They aren't just a good idea. This is DW as a toddler. He is waving at me because I'm off to the side with my cell phone, capturing this moment for Bye Bye 1960 Pie.)
Anyway. We who read my comments adore Dick Whitman's mom, and we know she's funny and we know she gots her the wisdom, so if you wanna ask her anything? About life, your hair, drawer liners, what her favorite commercial is, how she feels about horses, does she prefer the Euro or the dollar, anything at all, ask here in the comments and sometime next week she will answer the Qs she feels like answering. She's DW's mom, dudes. She can do what she wants.
So go ahead. Ask Dick Whitman's Mom.