I feel bad, because I was doing something ridiculous in the kitchen* and I heard Edsel whining. There's a rare and unusual event.
I knew he was over by the back door, so I said, "Go on outside. You know how." Both my dogs can open the screen door now, by bashing their heads into it and tearing outside like that yard they're in every day of their lives is suddenly gonna hold the secrets of the universe.
Does the universe have any secrets? If so, why? Is the universe just not that big of a gossip?
Anyway, when I finished doing the ridiculous thing* I finally looked back there and Edsel was OUTSIDE, whining to get back in. So I was all, "Let yourself out, dog!" while he cooked in his own fur back by the door, there.
Actually it's not that hot today. It's sort of overcast, which makes me feel bad for TinaDoris, that she will have an overcast wedding day, but it makes me not feel a bit bad for me, who has be to outdoors for said wedding.
*Are you glad I finally got to the footnote? You know how the only things I make in the kitchen are coffee and haste. So last night I bought decaf and real coffee, because I have to mix my real with decaf because I have a delicate brain. So today I got a large bag and dumped some decaf in there, then some real coffee, then more decaf, and I was near the top of the bag when I got all paranoid. Had I mixed it up enough? What if one day it'd be all-real-all-the-time and the next day I fell asleep at the wheel because I'd had nothin' but decaf?
*, continued. So I got a big bowl and dumped ALL the coffee into the bowl, mixed it with a spoon, then had to STAND there like an idiot while I tried to (a) dump the coffee from the bowl to the bag, spilling it everywhere, (2) pour the coffee through a funnel--and yes I have a funnel, news at 11:00--which caused just as MUCH mess, (c) dump it in spoon by spoon till I aged a year and hey, who's president now? and finally (8) I got a REALLY BIG SPOON and put what WASN'T on my kitchen floor in that way. Then I had to sweep the floor.
In the meantime Edsel cooked in his own fur. Get the seasoned butter!
Anyway, TinaDoris' wedding is today, in case you missed that. I had my hair blown straight the other day when I got my roots done, and I was excited that I'd have straight normal-girl hair. But now it's been two days and my straight blowout is rebelling.
Yes, I DID just get up and I haven't showered yet. Sue me. JUNE GARDENS SUED FOR NOT SHOWERING. More after the break.
Anyway, see how the one side is still all, hey! I'm straight! Yes, I DO play organ for my church and spend a lot of time at the park by myself, but straight? YES! And then the other side is all, Heyyyyy, dude. Relax a little. Show some curl. Let it all curl out.
So I have Richard Carpenter and Bob Marley on either side of my head. Ima have to go at it with the straight iron or just wash it and give up.
When I lived in LA I would run at Griffith Park, because I used to run and be cute and so forth, and for MONTHS I stared at the men sitting in their cars reading the paper and think, God. It must be really loud at their houses and they just need to get to the park for some peace and quiet.
Then one day I saw two of the men go into one of the Port-a-Johns together.
...OHHHHHH! Quick, is what I am.
Only men could find romance in a Port-a-John.
I guess I had better go. I have to wash my floors, because I know how to kick back and have fun, and then it'll be time to get pretty for this wedding bash. ..friend finally said last night, "What does your dress look like, anyway?" ...friend never reads my blog. Anyway, I got all excited to describe it and started with, "Well, it's pink..." and then I was drowned out by his "What a surprise" laughter.
We saw the new Woody Allen movie last night. I kind of liked it but ...friend did not. He is persnickety about movies.
Oh, and some day remind me to tell you about going to the Social Security administration to let THEM know I've changed my name to Violetta Spray. That was about as much fun as it gets. Until? Monday, when I get to do the same thing at the DMV!
I will leave you now and return tomorrow with TinaDoris wedding photos. They've hired me to be their wedding photographer. They are having an impressionist painting theme. They are having a Get Fuzzy theme. They are having a cataracts theme. Okay I'll stop.
Farewell, and hey! Have fun tonight, Atlanta readers who are getting together ostensibly to celebrate my birthday but really for an excuse to get tanked together. No one is allowed to order anything with cilantro in it. There go your big plans for those cilantro martinis.
