A few days ago, we ("we." I totally stole the idea from a reader) decided to write in our questions for Dick Whitman's mom. In case you are just tuning in, and really? I've been here almost SIX YEARS. I was just about to get in the car and go home. But in case you just got here, my friend Dick Whitman has the world's coolest mom.

She was married for 927 years to Dick Whitman's dad. There's an article in the Winston-Salem paper about how DW's dad attended DW's mom's I think it was 6th birthday party. It was some birthday party where she was young young young. So they've known each other for awhile. Plus, that Winston-Salem paper, man. There's some investigative journalism.
My point is, she comments here a lot and she is always funny and wise, so we decided to ask her advice and here's what she has to say.
BStar said...
I don't wish to have some advice about a personal issue but I do admire your ability to have such a love of life, be open to new experiences and people, have a witty way of looking at things and just be so emotionally healthy and happy. Where do you think that comes from for you?
Acceptance of myself and those around me.
Helen said...
I want to know if there's EVER a time a woman can give up on dieting to be thinner. Are we ever satisfied or do we just give up? I'm not saying not to eat healthy, I'm specifically talking about dieting which I feel like I've been doing for 18,754 of the 19,119 days I've been alive.
First, stop comparing your body to those of the models and entertainment stars! Second, see your body as beautiful because it is!
Helen continued (geez. Helen.) MY mom says if all the men in the world dropped dead, all the women would stop dieting, eat hot fudge sundaes for dinner and be happy. What say you, DW's mom?
I disagree, the media holds out an impossible body image and tells us that is the ideal and we must buy someones product to attain the unattainable.
June Gardens said, after waiting for Helen to quit droning on...
What I want to know is, how can you stand the same person year after year after year of marriage? I mean, were there ever times you felt like, IMA STICK A STAKE THROUGH HIS HEAD, or were you lucky enough to never feel that way? If you DID ever feel that way how'd you get past that?
I tended more to a 'stake in the heart' kind of revenge. The only way I got past it was when he said or did something that reminded me of why I married him in the first place.
Faith--damn, where are the tissues? said...
I need some advice on a question that is going to make me look ungrateful, selfish, and unfeeling. My grandmother died years ago, and one of my aunts - who has 3 boys - told me at the time that she planned on leaving me some jewelry she inherited from her mother as she didn't have girls to hand it down to (keep it in the family, so to speak). Well, my aunt just passed away last month. So - A) do I even bring this up to my uncle or cousins (who, now, by the way are all married to great ladies)? B) Should I just wait and see what happens? C) Should I put a little bug in my parents' heads about it? D) Should I just forget it and be happy if it happens and accept it if it doesn't? {And the biggest question - how can I stop crying every time I think of her?}
This is just me, but I would choose B. There may come an occasion where 'bringing it up' would be appropriate, then I would choose A. Grieving for a loved one is normal, natural and even necessary--and each of us must do it the way that we need to.
Joan in NV, classing things up since 1960, said...
This is a little like asking the Queen what color her knickers are, but here goes. DW's Mom-- boxers or briefs?
Briefs
(Wait. Did we just ask DW's mom about her delicates?)
eating myself through this emotional roller coaster dancer said...
I'm at "that age" where my hormones are wreaking havoc in my life. I can't afford my bio-identical hormones anymore so I've been thinking about asking my doctor for the shot that shuts your system down for months - or it might be a year. I'm also two years out from the ex leaving and I'm still getting side swiped from the loss of a 25 year marriage. These emotions plus hormones...oy vey. What say you?
Bless you sweet one. The hormone thing should be addressed by your gyn doc. If he/she does not help, find a new doctor!
Tee said...
How old were you when you married Mr. W? How long were you married? What is your secret for a successful marriage, at any age?
We were 18 and were married 59 years. Ahh, secret for marriage success, love, patience, endurance (throw out ALL stakes) and forgiveness. None of those actions/emotions are easy to come by--you just keep on keeping on til you achieve them.
Jeannie said...
I have only been married 32 years today. I have put a stake through his head numerous times and he won't die. Do you think I married a vampire rather than a zombie? Should I put the stake through his heart next time?
Won't help, he still won't die.
Amish Annie/Paul said...
Why do some people get mean and negative when they get old? Are they unhappy? (I'm not talking about folks with dementia or Alzheimer's.) And what are some suggestions to help with conversing and interacting with these folks.
Wow, now that is a question I can't answer. Why do people get mean and negative at ANY AGE? There are as many answers as there are people. As for conversing and interacting with 'them', converse and interact just like you do with people you own age.
I have discovered recently that people all but ignore me when DW or WW take me places in a wheelchair. They don't make eye contact with me, they talk over my head and they talk to my kidlets about me as if I were not there. Being the major bitch that I am, I usually interupt and force them to deal with me.
Texas Kari - this is GREAT! said...
I have a 12 year old daughter, and she's a dreamboat! I'm looking down the road to the teenage years. Most of the issues of parenting a teenager make my heart race. There's a lot of modern advice about these sorts of issues (see: 20 shelves of parenting books at B&N), but I'm more interested in old fashioned good sense. You know, what's tried and true. What kinds of things did you do in your household to keep your kids moving in the right direction?
Cried, screamed, and denied access to cherished activities A LOT! Teen years are a nightmare for all (parents & kids). My only advice is to love them no matter what and use your best instincts.
Dawn in DC LOVES the super feminine look said...
Did you buy the orange polka-dotted shirt for DW? If not, how do you like it on him? Also, too, your evening dress is stunning. What do we gotta do to bring that style back?
No DW is his own stylist and I am not fond of that shirt. As for bringing back that style, just wait; the designers will eventually bring it back.
(I really like DW in that shirt.)
Anita said...
I have 3 boys and they are all moving away from me. My oldest is in Atlanta, my middle one just got a job in CA (that's so far!) and my baby is now off to college. How did you deal with the empty nest thing? Will I have to resort to the stake in the head since it will be just me and my husband now? Will the way he eats soup ever stop bugging me?
Oh dear sweet woman, this transition is HARD! You and the 'stake in the head' guy will develop a whole new relationship and you can make it good or bad, depending on how much you can rediscover those things that made you love him in the first place.
: : Garden Girl : : Maybe this could be a monthly thing....... said...
Everything I have is a little lower than it used to be. Gone South. Gravity is not my friend. Well, you get the picture. How is my female psyche to best deal with this avoiding the mirror/preferring candlelight phase? Spiritually? Gym membership? A special affirming mantra? A hypnotist? I don't know...but I hope you do.
Never look at a younger woman's body or clothes! Keep your eyes and attention on how older women look and dress.
Peter, who thinks DW's mom has her work cut out for her, said...
As for June and Deb, sometimes men refuse to take that big step because, frankly, why should we? Who wants to go into an ice cream shop selling one flavor when you can go into Baskin Robbins? Once you've decided that you can be satisfied eating strawberry ice cream for the rest of your life, then and only then are you ready. And, do you know what? That will be the foundation for a lasting relationship.
My question for DW's mom is this. What can you do to avoid waking up in the morning with a stake through your head?
Decide early on where the strawberry ice cream is and NEVER go back to Baskin Robbins.
(Deb and I were bemoaning the time it takes men to commit.)
Linda in CO of the bruised forehead said...
Does wisdom truly come with age? I'm talking about the part of the serenity prayer where you get the wisdom to know the difference? Am I ever going to quit banging my head against the wall of things I cannot change, or stop being paralyzed by figuring out this is something I CAN change? And is there anything I can do to hurry this wisdom along?
For me the secret to that serenity was FINALLY accepting myself as I am, and killing that self-doubt witch that had lived in my head. Once I was able to do that, I was then able to accept others as they are without trying to 'fix' them.
sara with an (h) said...
I can hardly wait for this day to arrive... perhaps it is because my most beloved grandmother is currently on hospice and more senile by the minute and my heart is breaking? I'm not sure if my falling in love with DW's mother is connected with my Grandma situation at all, but I've fallen in love and hope you honor us all with your wisdom and grace.
Bless you and your grandmother. This is never an easy time in life, but it is a part of life that we all must endure. I suggest you spend as much time as is reasonable with her. She may not know you, or remember things --but your presence may give her some comfort and you will know that you have given her back the love she helped foster in your heart.
LauraL said...
Do you regret more the things you did or the things you didn't do?
I no longer regret. That comes from me finally being able to accept me as I am.
LauraL ALSO said...What is the best thing you did in parenting your children? The worst?
In both instances--loved them no matter what.
LauraL said AGAIN, and GEEZ, Laura...As one ages, does one grow more satisfied with life or more wistful? Why do men act so much like large children?
I have no answer for these.
LauraL! Shaddup already!...What do you do to maintain such good relationships with your children?
Love them no matter what.
LauraL! Stake through your head! God! She also said...I'm sure I'll think of others later, but those immediately came to mind. Those and the how-do-I-avoid-staking-him one.
Endure!
Tarva said...
When a parent or grandparent has everything they could ever want and they tell you not to buy them a present should you buy something anyway? And if yes what in the world do you buy someone who has everything?
This becomes a problem for all concerned. I rarely want something that could be a gift and DW & WW get frustrated with me. DW pleased me greatly at Christmas this year, he went to a high-end grocery store, perused the type of foods he knows I like, and bought a bunch of very expensive food items that I would not buy for myself. Needless to say, I stuffed myself with a variety of specialty cheeses, chocolates, crackers, preserves, etc. WW, not to be outdone, gave me gift certificates for massages.
jo said...
Were people crazy just as crazy before cell phones, texting, email and 20 ways to watch a thousand TV shows?
Short answer NO! I truly believe the Devil invented all the electronic and cell type devices and is undermining civilization.
Another Unruly-Haired Person, now a divorcée said...
I wish you were my mom. Want to adopt me? I'm June's age, if that matters.
Yes!
Another Unruly-Haired Person, now a divorcée also said...Okay, so my question is, Do you think the overall quality of men has gone down, or perhaps that a higher percentage of men these days are of lower quality? By quality in this context, I mean things like making commitments and sticking to them even when life gets rough, or not lying or only trying to get friends "with benefits" rather than be in an actual relationship?
Wow, that is complicated. I won't blame men for the changes, but I will blame the societal expectations and changes.
Okay, Another Unruly went to the LauraL school of Qs, as she also said... Also, did just as many couples used to be as miserable as now, but not get divorced in the same numbers merely because divorce was more frowned upon, or did so many more couples stay together because they were genuinely committed to making their relationships work? i.e., if divorce were as accepted then as now, do you think the divorce rate back then would've also been as high as now?
Yes and yes! Absolutely!
BStar said in reply to Another Unruly-Haired Person, now a divorcée....
What happened to the dads that mowed the lawn and washed the cars every Saturday and then took the cars (Mom's and Dad's) to the "filling station" to get gassed up for the week? Then, they came home and got shaved and showered for whatever Mom planned for the evening - a BBQ or playing cards with the neighbors or taking all us kids to the drive-in. Then, they got up the next morning and got all dressed up and smelling nice and took us all to church. Divorce was not part of this picture in any way.
Sports (24/7) on television! Only 'no account, no good' people got divorces.
(Uh-oh, Hulk.) So there it is! Your answers from DW's mom! Thanks, mom of DW, for playing along. We all heart you and have never once wished to drive a stake through your head.