So I turned down that job after all.
I was just talking on the phone with my friend Dottie, and I said, "I'd better go. I have to tell everyone on my blog about this and I dread it." Dottie pointed out that I wasn't obligated to tell you all ANYTHING, but I said, "How'm I gonna explain the part where I, you know, don't go to work on Monday?"
Then Dottie started getting a big kick out of herself. "I can't wait to read this. Hey! I have a job! Nope! I don't have a job! Hey, I'm going to Hawaii! Nope! Not going to Hawaii!"
Then after a few minutes, she said, "Oh, I thought of another one! Hey! I'm quitting my blog! Nope! Not quitting my blog!"
Is it wrong to wish swift and punishing dysentery on one of your oldest friends?
Anyway, the thing is, I was not looking forward to working four evenings a week, but I would have done it anyway, but what I can't go into detail about is there is potentially something really good happening for me, workwise, in the next few weeks. It's not a guarantee, which I know! Okay? I KNOW! But I could not be the person who takes a job knowing full well if the other thing pans out Ima stampede to it and quit that job in a heartbeat. That would be just wrong.
So there it is. I am back to no job, but I think it'll all be okay. There's a really good chance it'll be okay.
That's all I can say about that.
In other news, in case you didn't read the comments yesterday, I shoplifted. Why is June so unemployable?
I didn't MEAN to. I got me a box of the root touchup, there, at the grocery store, because nothing but the best for me. But that shit is crazy, dawgs. It really works. And as you know from that pretty photo I put up the other day, my roots were kind of showing.
Pepe LePew sexted.
So I got that, and I got this dishwasher cleaner thing I needed, and also a gray eye pencil, because again, nothing but the best for me, and I went to the self-checkout.
Ping! I tried to scan the dye.
Ping! It still wouldn't show up as having been scanned.
Finally the little woman in the machine said, "Please place the item in the bag."
Okay. So I did. And I figured it got scanned. But I looked at the receipt later and I was only charged for the pencil and dishwasher stuff.
"I just shoplifted from Harris Teeter," I emailed Ned.
"You need someone to come bail you out?" he wondered.
I decided to go home and whip up a Nick Nolte 'do; if they came after me and I got taken downtown, I'd have a good mug shot. I have always thought Nick Nolte's mug shot would be a great Halloween costume.
Next time I go to Harris Teeter, I will fess up and pay that $7.49 or whatever. I'd feel too guilty otherwise, thanks to my good-karma, free-to-be-you-and-me-unless-you-are-a-thief childhood.
In the meantime, I mentioned my thug life in the comments and the never-ludicrous Mrs. Oh created this and put it on Pie on the Face on Facebook.
Oh! And not Mrs. Oh. Just oh! The other pertinent news I wanted to relay to you was that last night I was hanging with Mr. Cooper and also Ned, (what was that show about? I never saw it in my life. Hanging with Mr. Cooper. Was he related to Mr. Hooper from the store on Sesame Street? They should totally make a subdivision and have one of the streets be Sesame Street. It'd be particularly hilarious if you lived there and your name was Burt. Or Susan and Gordon) and I mentioned the phrase "mani/pedi," because I know how to reel a man in and keep him riveted to the conversation.
You know who I have not given eight seconds of thought to until today? Is Susan and Gordon. Didn't they try to fool us with a whole new Gordon somewhere in the third or fouth season? And where the hell did Original Gordon think he was going? Did he think he was headed to fame and fortune outside of Sesame Street? Because guess what, there, OG. We never saw you again.
Gordon should totally be taking career advice from me.
My POINT is that Ned had no idea what "mani/pedi" meant, and I could tell he had no idea but was just carrying on, hoping the meaning would become clear or that I'd shut up, one of the two. Finally, I said, "Do you not know what mani/pedi means?"
"No. I was just gonna go with it and see if I caught on eventually."
Okay, seriously. How manly does he have to go around being? EVERYONE knows what that is, which is what led me to call Hulk, who guess what?
Totally knew what mani/pedi meant.
Then Hulk went on for 80 minutes that I was to tell Ned IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that he was not a homosexual. He just, you know, happened to know what that meant. Is all.
Ned said, "I'd say that, too, if I were Hulk, knowing what mani/pedi meant."
Anyway I have to go. Remind me to tell you about the good article I read about how styles aren't really changing anymore. It's riveting. The dogs are at daycare today (that was a link to doggie webcam) because I forgot we have like 80 free passes and that is because I am a really good dog mom.
June. On the bread line.