I finally dragged my unwell arse over here to the computer to tell you my every symptom in disgusting detail, and then I got waylaid by a hard-hitting story on the Internet (and by the way. News flash for the hilarious jokesters: "Interwebs." Stop. Just stop.) about how Rob Pattinson was on Jon Stewart last night, his first post-breakup interview--and by the way, GOOD JOB, stupid Kristen Stewart.
So then I watched as much of the interview as the article would show me, and he didn't directly say anything about said breakup, even though Jon Stewart got out two pints of Ben & Jerry's and said, "It's just us girls, talking."
And by the way, why not just kill me now. Because Rob Pattinson and Jon Stewart in the same room. I mean, you make Barry Gibb the camera man and I am set for life.
So after I was done watching that important piece of news--cause what's more important? Oh, Mitt Romney has a running mate? Is it Kristen Stewart? Then I don't care. After all that, I found an article on Jennifer Aniston's engagement to the guy who had premature ejaculation issues on Sex and the City, whatever his name is. I just remember I liked that particular episode of Sex and the City because Rhoda played the ejaculator's mom.
And there goes my new band name. The Ejaculator's Mom.
I think there's something about him that looks mean and hard. But Brad Pitt looked kind and look where that got her. Anyway, THAT hard-hitting article showed us all of Jennifer Aniston's boyfriends through the years, although they left out Adam Duritz and I always thought he was her only interesting choice.
Remember how she and Courtney Cox both dated him? How did they reconcile THAT? "Say, you know that filthy dreadlocked guy you're better than? Now I want him."
How did I get off on this tangent? The POINT is, I woke up in the middle of the night with (a) my heart racing, (2) nausea and (vii) a migraine.
So it's been a fun 10 hours, and let me tell you what. Iris and Lily, perfect nurses. Every time I raced to the bathroom, Iris would come with me and rub on me. Lily just curled up with me whenever I returned. Talu kept her same spot on her pillow and never moved, which was nice because I could return to the bed and spoon her as needed.
And then there was Edsel.
HI! pantpantpantpant. YOU SIK, MOM? YOU SIK? ploop. Edzul drop blue toy on you. ploop. Edzul go get blu toy you drop on ground. ploop. Edzul go get blew toy you throw hard down hall. ploop. Edz--hey! Mom drop bluu way inder bed! Edz cannot get! You no you do that, mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Edz paw you. eeeeeeeeeeeee! eeeeeeeeeeeee! Edz whine at bloo toy! it under bed, mom! mom! mom! mom! mom! MOM! heer my bref on you. heer my bref! pantpantpantpantpan! MOM! Blu toy it under bed mom! Cannot get! mom!
Edsel is at the Guilford County Animal Shelter if anyone wants a dog.
So that is the state of my union. Sort of naus, def headachy. Got a blue toy under the bed.