Some of you suggested yesterday in the comments that if I start putting videos on here of Ned flossing, you were so gone. Who was wildly tempted to do just that, because she is asshole of the week?
Speaking of asshole of the week, Cancer Victim Edsel P. Underbite hosted a dog play afternoon at his gracious abode yesterday. I put Tumors One and Two behind the baby gate, so that when TinaDoris' dog Penny and oh my god I just realized the other dog is named Cash and we totally had Penny and Cash over and how denominational of us. Anyway, I put them behind the gate so they could freak out accordingly about strange dogs being over before I let them loose, and here you see them being polite and welcoming and not-at-all cacophonying with the barks. Look at Talu all midbark. Kills me. With her puffed-out barky lips.
So TinaDoris brought over Penny, and Cash's Mom, who Ima call Mamma Cash and I love myself, brought over Cash, who is a Goldendoodle. Cash is really cool and can't help it that his breed name is ridiculous. Because let me tell you what. CASH IS SO COOL! Ohmygod. He's only five months old and he's totally calm and dignified and SO CUTE and I will get to Cash in a minute.
Here is a picture of my bathroom, which I cleaned, and I wanted to show it to you in its clean state. Normally that sink and etagere have 39405584930304 pieces of jewelry and cosmetics on them. Because this is such a spacious house. It'd take, you know, maybe 38 seconds to put jewelry or makeup away where I keep them. I'm a very busy executive.
I note I didn't turn the drag queen starfish around, and no one got to appreciate its glittery glory.
Fortunately they showed up a few minutes later, both at the same time, like on a sitcom when someone has a party and everyone barrels through the door together in big clumps.
And let me tell you what. I loved that Cash. LOVED HIM. From the minute he fluffily got out of his car. Oh, he gots big big fluffy feets. And soft fluffy fur. And he's big big big already even though he's still a puppy snickerdoodle.
And he got along just fine with my dogs. Talu raised her hackles and did her scary low growl, but she didn't mean it.
Then poor beleaguered Penny came in, and I'd like to point out she's been here SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE, and also that they play with Penny at dog daycare. Did this matter to Edsel, though, when he ran over and sunk his jaws into her and started snarling?
WHAT A DICK. I realize he's dealing with cancer and all, but does cancer have to make you so dang cranky? They did this whole getting into an angry ball yelling thing and I had to jump in and pull them apart like a bouncer or something. Then I went back to charging everyone at the door.
Above, by the way, is Penny discovering poor Iris, who I'd kind of forgotten about, and who was terrifiedly puffing at the top of her kitty condo. Oh, she did not like Penny, and Penny could not have been more interested in her. And possibly not in a good way. Finally I peeled Iris-now-with-puffs off the condo, and took her in the bedroom, but sadly Penny followed us and was DEEEELIGHTED to discover Lily smartly hiding in there.
So both cats got to meet Penny, is what I'm saying to you. Am certain they're going to engrave another invite for her soon.
Here was Penny pretty much for the rest of the day, trying to hypnotize the door into opening. Just to scare each other, the cats keep saying, "A Penny for your thoughts" to each other now. "Cut out, man. It not funnee."
Did I mention Mamma Cash is as cute a human as one can be? TinaDoris, who as you know from other times is similarly adorable--and I really need uglier women friends for my benefit--did not want her picture taken yesterday because she thought she looked awful. Her awful is, like, my prom night. You know what makes you a good friend? Is when you put your friend's photo on your blog anyway, after they said not to. That makes you the very best kind of friend.
Anyway, we had a good time, and no one got eaten despite several attempts, and I'm just throwing it out there. Since all my pets seem to be falling over dead of cancer, someone could send me a Goldendoodle puppy. Is all I'm saying to you. Is all. Just. Okay.
I will talk at you tomorrow. Ned and I saw that happy movie Arbitrage last night, and Ned said today's movie will make that one look like the feel-good movie of the century, so yay. Later this week we're going to the old theater to see (wait for it) Sophie's Choice. If I make it this week without hurling myself off a bridge, I should get some kind of reward.
Like a Goldendoodle puppy. Or something.