I hope you're holding on to your seats. because my mother got a NEW COMPUTER and I do not have the usual, "The 1812 Overture called. Wants its computer back" joke that I normally have for you when I am here. And for that I am sure you are saddened.
I just totally felt up this computer, so now it's met me and thinks I'm a total perv, to see if there was somewhere one could insert a memory card so I can show you the photos I have taken thus far. I think the one you really need to see is the pickup truck that was in front of us painted camoflauge with deer all over it and "The Hunter" emblazoned across the back. Clearly that guy and I had a ton in common and it's a shame we couldn't meet.
The point is, Ned and I made it here, on that short, not-at-all-trafficky, unridiculous 13-hour trek, and he didn't even bug me, except occasionally he'd whistle if the radio was off, and in my head I'm all, You gonna keep whistling, then? I did not say anything, though. You and I can keep that to ourselves.
Before Ned and I left Greensboro, we had to go to his uncle's house to drop off Ned's key, as Ned's not-at-all-weird cat needed, you know, care and feeding and so on. (I have a person coming to check on Lily and Iris today, so I will circumvent your 800 Qs about that.) Anyway, I got to see Ned's mom, who is always so nice, and his cute aunt who has already gotten out the Christmas decorations and it made me want to cancel everything and schlep up to my attic to start glittering just everything in my house.
We stayed in Parksersburg, WV on Wednesday. Ned and me, not Ned's aunt and me, although that would have made for a much more scandalous post today. JUNE RUNS OFF WITH NED'S AUNT. Story at 11:00.
We stayed at a fancy hotel, which I have been to before but I was completely alone and sat in my room with room service. This time Ned and I checked out the fireplace in the library, and we went to the fancy restaurant, and basically enjoyed the crap out of that nice hotel. And you can have DOGS there! Some woman walked right in with her schnauzer, which is not a euphemism, and also a black pitty-looking dog, and someone else had a yappy shaggy thing, and I said to Ned, "I'm thinking Edsel." We looked all around that fancy lobby, with nice vases and so on, and just thought of Eds tearing about as he does. Hi hi hi hi hi hi. I Edz. hiihihihihihi. Here my taiil. Hi.
So, we got here midafternoon and all Ned had to do was meet my stepsister and her husband and his parents, my mother and stepfather, my Aunt Kathy and Uncle Bill, my Aunt Sue, my Uncle Leo, my friend Gertrude and her daughter Emma. That's all.
"I can't belive you did this to him, making him meet everyone at once," said my Aunt Sue, who in case anyone is worried how she's been since my Uncle Jim died, she looks ABSOLUTELY HOT and is helping at her daughter-in-law's new restaurant and basically sems to be doing as well as possible. "I remember meeting all of you. It was scary."
We are a DELIGHTFUL lot But I do remember poor 19-year-old Aunt Sue, smiling nervously at us while we all talked at the same time. I was, like, eight, and I remember asking her, "Do you ALWAYS smile?"
Guess who was probably the scariest person to meet.
Today I am taking Ned to all the places I lived in this town, then we're going to a museum and THEN he gets to meet Hulk. I know! There is also The World's Largest Most Ridiculous, Chaoticist Christmas store that I have threatened to take Ned to, but sadly for him, there will probably be no time. I am not making that up, by the way. The world's largest Xmas store really is in the next town over. And it is ludicrous. I have always loved it. Does anyone need an ornament? Because perhaps on our way out of town...
I had better go before everyone gets up. Was exhausted and fell asleep at, like, 10:00. so now I am up and eating dressing and mashed potatoes. Which may or may not lead me to the part where I put my jeans on halfway through the evening and minced around here like Tom Jones, so tight and unforgiving were those jeans. It's not unusual to be loved by anyone, you know.
What the fuck does that mean?
I'll try to talk at you before I go tomorrow, but in the meantime, keep sending me your pictures from Thanksgiving. Note to Hulk: Get ready for pet pics!!! You're welcome.