Have you heard that terrible song, Can a [N-word] get a table dance?
Once, the pope was coming to New York, and Howard Stern was talking about the things the pope was gonna do while he was there, and they just played this song in the background. It just about killed me.
Anyway, since I last checked in all giddy about being done with that statistics textbook, I have not been getting any table dances, but I have been partayying. On Saturday night, Ned and I went to dinner at a fancy place in Winston-Salem (I KNOW! We never go there) and then yesterday we saw Anna Karinininininina (the guy she fools around with BURIES Jude Law, which is saying something) and then we had dinner and read the Sunday New York Times at the table, which was polite of us.
Yes, that all counts as partayying for me.
Dudes, I looked it up. I have been working on Polish documents AND statistics AND my regular fake job since October. That means every dang weekend and evening and moment of down time has been spent catching up on work. SINCE OCTOBER. And the best part is I can't even invoice Poland yet. I'm dealing with all these I'm-an-American-don't-tax-me-in-Poland documents. So ironically I'm sort of broke right now. What gives?
Anyway, it's a relief to be done with everything except fake work. Naturally, now that I have time, too much time on my hands, Ned is gone on another em effing business trip all week. This time he gets to fly in a private plane! I seem to be the only one excited about this, and am desperately trying not to think about The Big Bopper, but anyway, Ned. Living the high life on his private plane, over there.
I got Ned one Christmas gift already and kind of love myself for it, and he said he has some ideas for me but wonders if I want anything specific.
Clearly Ned has never seen The List. I have a list of things I ALWAYS want, things you can't go wrong getting me, and apparently I have yet to send that to him. Oh, Ned. I hope you have a lot of printer paper.
For example, good stationery. I always want good stationery. Preferably in white or maybe a pale, pale blue. Also? Anything cashmere. If it's cashmere, I want it. I will quickly ruin it, because I can't have nice things, but still.
Also? Jewelry. Enough said.
I think one of the best things I ever got was a pen with Chanel No. 5-scented ink. Oh, that was the bomb! So you also can't go wrong with that sort of thing. Anything girly and/or writey.
The point is, Ned will not find himself in the dark when it comes to what to get me. I think I am supremely not hard to buy for. Except for the part where you can't buy me anything scented, with my throat-closing-up thing. I guess ink that's scented doesn't bother me.
What do you guys want for Christmas? Not that I'm getting you a damn thing.
Oh! I have an idea! Let's make this the official place to post your good deeds!
So again, if you've not been here in years past, here's what we do. Go out and do a good deed, and report back by December 25. It can be ANYTHING as long as it's good, and it doesn't count as a good deed if all you did was NOT rip someone's head off. You have to be proactive. Or use proactive. Your skin is terrible.
Okay, go forth and do. I will go gather The List for Ned. That will be my good deed to him. Maybe I could just go out and shop and he could pay me back. Romantic!
Gee, I hope he gets me a table dance.