It's Monday night and I got out of work, went to the eye doctor and picked up my contacts, got some super-extra-healthy Chinese food, did my workout which was probably useless seeing as I ate Lot's Wife in salt with that Chinese food, then proceeded to start my Christmas cards.
First of all, I got these pretty cards last year that are pale blue--which seems to be my new favorite color--that have a glittery snowflake on them. Wait. Lemme take a picture.
Pretty, right? Also, do you have any idea how long that takes me, when I get up and snap a picture? That's 15 minutes I'll never get to spend chasing fireflies or whatever. I have to eject the memory card, put it in the camera, try to get the dang thing to focus. Oh, it's a whole rigamarole. Anyway, can you tell the snowflake is 3D?
Yeah.
Trying WRITING ADDRESSES on an envelope with that 3D snowflake in it. And I know I could address the envelope before shoving it in there. Shut the eff up.
Merry Christmas!
I also took a stretcheldy picture of Talu-deloo while I was up. make lu day, mom. go head.
My point is, after about 20 cards where I had to keep writing, "Merry Christmas! I'm divorced! Please don't send a card to June and Marvin Gardens this year. Yay! Christmas...cheer and stuff!" I got kind of depressed and decided to stop.
That is why I am in here attempting to put up your Thanksgiving photos, as it is the first free night I've had since God wore a onesie, and I PROMISE I will not see someone's picture in these 6 million emails. I did a search for "Thanksgiving" and "picture" in my gmail, so if you did not put that in your photo to me, prepare to send me the frowny emoticon at the end of this post.
Shannon River sent this one from London, where she now lives. London rocks. Also, London is calling. I am hilarious.
Here's Hulk's not-at-all-depressing Thanksgiving photo. He had to work. Note Hulk has a sports thing in his office. Hunh.
By the way, I just remembered this was in my PERSONAL email, and if any of you are my friend in real life and you sent me the Thanksgiving pic in that email and not my blog email, you are SOL. I'm not also searching that goddamn thing beyond looking for this one of Hulk's right now.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Peter said he thought we'd rather look at his doggie than him. Look at the plate of treats! Dying. My dogs would so be eating those and ignoring the crap outa me.
Here's Rennie the Corgie in Illinois. Wasn't this the family who sent me everyone showing their uvula last year? Cause that killed me.
Jenna sent her kid on a swing. In Arkansas.
Meg's dogs were tired after 394949394 lbs of turkey.
Tee's friend's pets were highly insulted about being shut out during dinner.
Deb mushed up some intestines and took them to dinner.
Sandra screamed over to Michaels thinking the world would be there buying everything on sale on Thanksgiving day, and she was, like, the only person for miles. Irksome.
Whitni had to work at the hospital, and made this delish GI cocktail. Please, no matter what is wrong with me, never never make me drink this. Thank you.
Suzanne went for a before-dinner bike ride to try to buy a larger visor.
Pamela Soul Sister took a hike with her husband and son. She leaves a long shadow.
Unruly Haired ate this half pie and her cats were pissed. I didn't know you could buy half a pie.
Mary Lou is in Canada, but she had turkey soup to be sort of American.
Linda ran a 5k right here in Greensboro! So would have stalked her had I been here.
BStar went to the beach. Bitch.
Maybe the "B" in "BStar" stands for bitch. Do you think?
My friend Sleeping Beauty stayed awake to watch her kid sleep. Also, you'd better call Saul.
One of these people is Deb in Denver. We should bet on who.
Danna wants you all to know her man really does love her. He's slaying me with this expression.
Here's Kathy's whole family. Now I'm hungry. Not that I want to eat Kathy's family.
That's my friend in real life, Nadja, and I even know that guy playing bagpipes. I feel like that person in green is this person Nadja and I know, but I also know that person moved away from LA, so I am probably halucinating. I miss Nadja.
Here's Steph's day in Tampa. Please see above re bitch.
Brenda in California says her niece plays a mean game of bingo. Also, how much are you dying over the family resemblance?
Jen in Dallas sent us Leroy and Petunia, who are so over us.
HB sent us a photo of Nelson, who looks pretty tense after all that Thanksgiving action.
Paula H&B said she was "in a MOOD" on Thanksgiving, so she provided this shot of going to the zoo the next day.
I think that is NOT Paula. How do we know for sure, though?
Karen in Virginia Beach's dog bothered her son's nap. That's what dogs are for.
Now I have that annoying Dionne Warwick song in my head.
"Annoying" Dionne Warwick song. That narrows it down.
Mrs. Gumby. Cracking me up since 2012.
Anita in Florida presents a photo of turkeys and her brother-in-law, who clearly finds himself hilarious. He is my people.
Terric gathered these strangers so she wouldn't look pathetic on Thanksgiving. I totally just made that up. She is the one in the red shirt, and she and these strangers are near Atlanta.
The Furry Godmother in Tennessee said this is who she spent Thanksgiving with, and if there were people there she had no idea. See above re my people.
Joann's dogs. In Florida. Had she shown any sort of beachy shot I could have called her a bitch, but she didn't. Darn.
Amish Annie in Iowa and her NEW THANKSGIVING KITTY!!!!!
I want a new Thanksgiving kitty.
What?
Last year, Kari in Texas sent her mother's turkey-shaped butter. Remember? This year it is a heart-healthy casserole. Which I'd like some of, please. Pass the heart-healthy casserole.
Helen forwarded me this cake shot, and I might be actually physically aroused at this point.
Mommy Needs Meds has a child who is clearly cooler than I will ever be.
Amy titled this "Cat with fricking lasers" and then I died. THAT IS KILLING ME. Every time I look at it. Wait. Ima scroll up. OHMYGOD, that is hilarious.
Here's PJ, laughing at one of the comments on my blog. Whatever I wrote totally sucked, so thank God for commentors.
Caron and her niece are in Dayton, Ohio. My gramma TOTALLY HAD that ceramic Christmas tree. Must be a Midwest thing.
Laura in NC is eating fried turkey. See above re heart-healthy. Also, in unrelated news, I wish I had some fried turkey.
Jan, who did not TELL me she's from Illinois but I know it cause she's read me for 70 years, is resting after cooking and cleaning. Jan is not a tree. I believe this is her view from her resting place. Her final resting place. Look, now I've killed Jan. Merry Christmas!
I just remembered my friend Dottie sent a photo of her dog, Tug, on Thanksgiving to my PERSONAL EMAIL and next year there will be NO MORE OF THAT. Also, we WILL ALL BE TITLING OUR PHOTO "Thanksgiving picture." Because guess who is on hour three of this and is cranky??
However, Tug is a muffin.
Amanda and her cute grandma in Michigan.
Issac is also in Michigan, and I feel like he's up to no good. Is what I feel.
Letha in Georgia brought us Parker, the stray she found in the park. He has a home now. I refuse to say "furever home."
Okay. My neck hurts. It's almost midnight. If I missed your photo I AM SORRY, but officially cranky and tired now. Good gravy.
Did I say Merry Christmas yet?
