A few years ago, back when I just had Tallulah and she was my first dog ever, I went online and found a dog IQ test. Since I'd never had a dog before, I had no idea if she was smart or dumb, so I tested her. And it turns out I was a tad more invested in her being THE SMARTEST DOG EVER than I had realized.
I was so sweaty and disappointed when she failed one of the tests that I stopped right there. Decided to get my priorities straight. I didn't want her killing herself because she got a B. I didn't want to end up trading her in for a Border collie. She'd passed most of the tests with flying dog colors, so I decided to get over wanting her to be the first dog MD.
When I got Edsel, it was obvious that in comparison to Tallulah, he was no genius. He does do smart-ish things occasionally, like he learned how to open the screen door...then he forgot he knew. He also knows a lot of words and phrases, and then gets incredibly excited by them and starts wiggling around here and snorting like Camilla Parker Bowles when Prince Charles comes at her with a flat handful of carrots. Sometimes I wondered if he was smart but so goofy that you couldn't tell.
The other day it occurred to me to give the old Eds the same IQ test I gave Talu some years back. There are six tests total, and I filmed four of them so as not to bore you half to death. Let's take a gander, shall we?
I know you're compelled now. Below is test numero one. And one thing that certainly proves MY intelligence is how I put my finger over the microphone for half this video. Go, June!
I threw a towel over Edsel, and according to the test, the quicker he gets out of the towel, the smarter he is. If you are at work or something and you could not see the video, let's just say that towel was not elusive. It's not like you said, "What towel? Edsel was under a towel? I barely saw that! Did that really happen?"
Let's move on to test two.
This riveting test of smarts and skills is the one Tallulah may have...not excelled at. You put a treat under a can and see if the dog can get to it. In Talu's case, she was all, "Lu no der treet under can. Lu screw. Der no way to get treet, mom. Treet gone." Edsel, however, solved it after I may or may not have cheated a little. Again, the quicker he figures it out, the smarter he is, and he did it in 15-30 seconds. Which, truthfully? You could have knocked me over with a dog's paw.
I'd again like to point out that this was an intelligence test for Edsel, yet I could not think of the word "cup."
I was supposed to SMILE at the dog, and the dog was supposed to react in some way that let me know he appreciated the smile. I guess he was supposed to waggle and hang his tongue out and invite me for coffee.
I hesitate to point out that in THIS intelligence test, I admit I don't know how far a meter is.
We wrap it up with the refrigerator test.
I was supposed to call Edsel using the same tone I'd use to call his name, only replacing his name with the word "Refrigerator." If he comes to it, he's dumb. He didn't. I, however, cannot manage to hold the camera upright, or else we were filming in Australia all of a sudden or something.
When all was said and done, he ended up testing as average, which, !!.
I encourage you all to let me know how YOUR dogs tested. Here's the link again. Or, try these on your cats. I'll bet that'll go over well.
And how far is a damn meter, anyway?