Ima try to scream out this post before we go to a, yes, movie and then go home and watch four hours of a show about...movies.
Some of you had wondered what Ned's picks for the Oscars Circle R are, and who cracks herself up every time she writes "Circle R"? The award for most amused by nothing goes to...
So, here was a smart idea. Me deciding YOUR stupid idea to ask Ned to DECIDE something would be fun and brief. "Say, Ned, my readers want to know who you're picking for the Oscars tonight." "Oh, sure, I'll do that. Let's go to my computer room FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE so I can look online and see who's nominated." Two hundred minutes later, I was thinking of being interred in said room, or at least marrying it, so familiar was I with its every nuance. The couch I was sitting on actually proposed to me, since we'd been spending so much time together.
I mean, you guys. HAVE I NOT SEEN THE MAN LOOK AT A MENU? Fast decisions are not Ned's strong suit. You have no idea how rabidly I was hating everyone who came up with this suggestion.
Finally, after cobwebs grew on my skeleton over there, Ned came up with this list:
Best Picture: Lincoln
Actor: Daniel Day Lewis
Actress: Emmanuelle Riva (she was the woman in that sad Amour movie. Good gravy, she deserves the Oscar) (Circle R) (just peed self)
Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin
Supporting Actress: Sally Field (if she talks about how we really like her, Ima go on stage and cock punch her. Stay tuned!)
Director: Steven Spielberg
Cartoon or whatever it' called: Wreck-It Ralph (Cause we enjoyed the SHIT out of Wreck-It Ralph. We did not see any of these. Because we're grownups. And I know very little irritates me, but one of the rare things that does is people who have kids trying to convince me to see kids' movies. "They make it so it's entertaining for adults, too." Yeah. You know what entertains this adult? Adult movies. So to speak.) Cinematography: Anna Karenina
Costume: Les Mis (see above re how we so enjoyed Les Mis)
Documentary: Searching for Sugarman (which is the only one we saw)
Documentary Short: Mondays at Racine
Foreign Language Film: Amour (happy! happy movie)
Makeup: Les Mis
Original Score: Lincoln
Original Song: Les Mis
Production Design: Anna Karenina (can you imagine how long I sat there while Ned compiled this list? I mean, can you? Picture it? I sat down in that room when I was 17. Just got up.)
Animated Short: Adam & Dog (but Paperman might win. We just WANT Adam & Dog to win)
Short film (okay, this is the one where we bet $900,000.) Death of a Shadow (says Ned) Asad (says me)
Sound Editing: Zero Dark Thirty
Sound Mixing: Lincoln (we walked out of there and said, Wow, the SOUND MIXING was INCREDIBLE)
Visual Effects: Life of Pi
Adapted Screenplay: Lincoln
Original Screenplay: Zero Dark Thirty
So there you have it. What if Ned gets them all correct? Maybe he'll win some kind of cash prize or something. And be sure to come back here tonight if you want to say anything snotty about the stars. Or how well I cock punched Sally Field.