I just tried to pet my silver purse, thinking it was one of the cats. What do you mean, I am not allowed to drive without my glasses? Good gravy. I used to have a black fuzzy cat named Ruby and I was constantly petting my black Uggs in the closet, too. Why do I admit these things to you people?
So, the Academy Awards (will not say Circle R) were on last night. Did you know that? Are you tired today? My theory is they should cancel work for everyone today, and Ned said he always thinks that the day after the Super Bowl. Me too.
I have a friend who said he wouldn't be attracted to his ex-wife even if she were naked, covered in onion rings and wearing a Charlize Theron mask. I always think of that when I see her now. And now, so will you! I thought she looked absolutely stunning. Only someone that lovely could pull off the dyke hair like this. And did you see Halle Berry looking all irked in the audience? She was so irritated that someone looked just as good in the dyke hair as she does.
Is it offensive to say "dyke hair"? Come on. Who're we kidding?
Do you know what I'd make? Is a terrible dyke. I do like lipstick so much that am practically a lipstick lesbian, if lipstick is female.
No, I HAVEN'T slept enough. Why?
Ned abhors Anne Hathaway. I never had a problem with her, till I watched her phony baloney interview on E!--because nothing's more sincere than E!--and she was going on about "being connected to gratitude" and "marrying my soulmate." All of a sudden I went from, "Oh, Anne Hathaway. She's pretty." To "Fuck you, Anne Hathaway." However, I loved this dress and her makeup and the jewelry, and the part where we saw EVERY NUANCE of her girls, up there. Kept thinking of my grandmother when she saw the pictures from JFK Jr,'s wedding. "They have all that money and she couldn't afford a bra?"
I HATE HER SO EFFING MUCH OH MY GOD WANT TO SLAP HER HARD.
Captain's Kirk's interstellar girlfriend called. Wants her uniform back.
Recently, I bought these awful brown paper towels because they're supposed to somehow be better for the environment. They absorb absolutely nothing. They're the worst paper towels in the history of time. They're the slower picker-uppers. Am glad to see Jessica Chastain made use of her brown paper towels and a Bedazzler.
Helena Bonham Carter irritates me not as much as Kristen Stewart, because it's not possible for someone to irk me more than she does, but I promise you she's right up there. STOP BEING SO WEIRD. We get it. You don't want to be all pegged as a Merchant Ivory actress. Okay. Cut it out.
Reese Witherspoon's wearing a graduation gown.
I can't even. I mean, Halle Berry usually stuns all of us with her gowns. This year she looks like Cher's mom.
I can't decide whether I like Nicole Kidman's Klimt dress or not. Doesn't it look like a Klimt?
And finally. I like Jennifer Garner. She seems like a normal person. And I love her dress. I like the bustle. I like the color. And as usual she is pretty as a picture. Not a Klimt, but a normal picture. Am down with her dress.
I guess that's all the--oh! Ned and I went to see Argo just this weekend, and we were glad we did because we liked it more than we thought we would. And then it won best picture and all. He wrote a review of it for Nedflix, and I might as well toss it on here today:
By now everybody is familiar with the story behind Argo, the movie directed by Ben Affleck: American diplomats go into hiding during the Iranian Revolution of 1979 and are freed by an unlikely plot involving Hollywood and Canada. My question coming into this movie was, why would the Iranian students who took over the American embassy be any more sympathetic to movie people than they might be to any other ordinary American who happened to be there at the time? The obvious answer is that they posed as Canadian citizens. The United States, as everybody knows, is The Great Satan. After this little stunt, Canada might have become known as The Little Satan, or Le Petit Satan, depending on, you know, where you might happen to be in Canada.
I enjoyed the grainy 70ish cinematography the movie sometimes featured, I liked the overhead zoom-in effect it occasionally utilized. The soundtrack was fun, and Alan Arkin is hard to beat. And of course the true events it is based on are so compelling. I heard an interview with one of the real-life escapees recently, and he mentioned the low-key acknowledgment they all made to one another once they'd left Iranian airspace, as opposed to the busting out the champagne celebration featured in the film. And I suspect the high-speed chase on the runway as they raced to liftoff was also artistic license. But that's what movies do, and this one was good enough to get away with it.
A fun bit as the credits rolled was the comparison the movie made with its actors and the real-life people they portrayed. The filmmakers obviously went to great length to match their appearances. The exception to this was Affleck, who portrayed Hispanic CIA agent Tony Menedez. One might think the amount of time Affleck spent inside a Hispanic early in his career might have helped him relate to the role, but such an association does not a Hispanic Affleck make.
My Hollywood inside sources tell me that this movie's portrayal of Hollywood coming to the rescue of an America in crisis might help give it a nudge towards Best Picture, so don't be surprised if that happens. And if you don't believe me, you can Argo fuck yourselves.