There is little that annoys me more than that Angie's List commercial where the woman looks so smug and says, "I'm busybusybusybusy." Oh shut up. No, you're not. You're distracting yourself from your inevitable demise, is what you're doing. As we all are. However, YOUR death may be coming sooner than you think if you say "busybusybusybusy" in front of me again.
So, yeah, hi. I've been busy (busybusybusy) and was unable to blog. This might be making me cranky. I thought I might run down for you what I've been up to, since this blog is supposed to be about what I've been up to and all.
Imagine being my friend or loved one trying to navigate the minefield of Things That Annoy June. My loved ones are over there now, writing on their Santa's List: Do not say "busybusybusybusy."
Another one? "No, no, no, no, no. You have to push Save first."
Shut the focaccia up. You've said no. You don't have to say no no no no no. Who are you, Amy Winehouse? How patronizing. no no no no no. Go shit in a hat.
Just last night, poor Ned was telling me a story, and he did the finger/thumb thing to indicate he was on a phone call. "You did not just do the Wilma-Flintstone's-phone pointy-finger thing just now," I said, wondering why Ned isn't stampeding to propose. "Is that another thing you hate?" he asked, adding it to the list of "24/7," "It's all good," "It is what it is" and those stick-figure families on cars.
Yeah. I wouldn't like me, either. But I would like to remind you that no one gives a shit about your stick-figure family. They really don't. They particularly don't care that one of you is a cheerleader.
Oh, speaking of how I am crabby and unlikeable today, I found a chat room sort of thing--and do chat rooms really exist anymore? I don't know. It was some site where people were listing blogs they like, and mine came up, and someone wrote, "Oh, June! Yeah! She's irritating but her blog's funny."
...yeah. Clearly I am now famous-ish, now that I'm getting not quite hated but, you know, annoyed at. When people out and out hate me I'll know I've arrived.
BUT NONE OF THIS IS WHY I GATHERED YOU HERE TODAY. I gathered you to tell you what was new. As you know, Saturday was filled with me running around from appointment to appointment, until finally at around 9:30, Ned and I finally went out to dinner, where we were wedged into a teensy table for two next to a huge table of college students, who we grew to detest more with each minute.
They did the loud laughing, and the loud screaming across the table at each other, and three girls at the table clearly thought they were cooler than the rest of the table, and they spent the whole time talking loudly amongst themselves and looking at a tablet. Ned's the one who had the view of them, I was just .00002 millimeters from them as they bored into my soul. "What're they looking at on the tablet?" asked Ned, ignoring how I'd gotten out an Aleve and was looking at it so I'd have a tablet at dinner, too.
They were looking? At pictures of themselves. The three of them were hunched together at a dinner with 10 other people to look at pictures of themselves.
So I think that started the charming mood I'm in, and then I have had freelance work OUT MY CORN HOLE since the start of April, and in fact have not had one night this month where I didn't take work home.
This did not stop me from going to dinner with my cute friend Wilma on Monday, where we had ourselves a time. Oh, we talked, we got all deep, we went back to shallow, and we got deep again. Wilma is the kind of person you want to be someday if you weren't so irritable and awful. She is Kermit to my Oscar.
Then after working all dang night that night, I got up and went to work Tuesday, only to scream home and let the poor dogs out then scream to the movies with Ned.
Because I'd been in such a rush, I left work without taking my makeup bag. I take my makeup to work in case I need to rebeautify during the day, because when you have All This, you need to make sure it looks its best all day long. It's a lot of pressure, being this lovely.
So when I got home and tried to rebeautify to see Ned, I HAD NO MAKEUP. The photo above is me using all of my secondary 1988 makeup that I had left over on my vanity. I actually had to GO OUT IN PUBLIC with uncurled eyelashes. I KNOW!
I got out the car and told Ned about my disaster, and he said, "You look even lovelier than the last time I saw you." In other news, they've dissected Ned and found he is made from pure 100% horse dung. He is, however, the nicest boy in the whole world, which I guess went without saying, knowing he went to the movies with Uncurled Lashes Girl.
Then today, I got to work and learned that we have A HUGE DEADLINE and all day it's been ohmygod work work work work and if this place were a song it'd be You'd Better Work.
This did not stop me from going to lunch with NotWes and The Poet. I want you to remember that NotWes, who I guess we're renaming The Naughty Professor, right? Didn't you guys like that idea? Whoever he is, dude owes me $2 for lunch and I want you to not forget it. Am going to mention the owing of the $2 until he crumbles like a money-owing house of cards. Which makes no sense but there it is.
Okay, so believe it or not I have to go and get TinaDoris' dog out of daycare for her, and take said dog back to TD's haunted house, where TD will be returning this evening from a vaca, then scream over to see Chris and Lilly and their new baby, and then work late tomorrow and WHO IS AT HER CRABBY BREAKING POINT? WHO IS GOING TO NEED SOME DO-NOTHING TIME SOON? WHO IS GONNA TAKE A NOTHING DAY AND SUDDENLY MAKE IT ALL SEEM WORTHWHILE? Hmmm?
Oy. June. Doing stuff.
P.S. Happy 13th birthday to Ned's kitty, who I assure you is doing nothing as we speak.