Tallulah is limping and licking her foot, and I DO NOT HAVE TIME for this today. So far I've looked at it and as usual saw nothing and why do I bother, and also I've kissed her head and called her Limpy Limpadoo. So that should pretty much take care of it, don't you think?
She gets a lot of yeast infections in her feet, and I don't even wanna THINK about what she and Edsel do when I'm not here.
The reason I have no time for these shenanigans is because today is Ned's birthday.
As you saw the other day, his presents are wrapped, and thank god I don't have to attempt any pie-making this year. I remember thinking, "How hard could it be?" last year. Yeah. Pfft. But he asked for these margaritas, which I was stupid enough to send him the link to several weeks ago after my pal TinaDoris told me SHE was making them. TinaDoris is like 20 and owns a house and is competent and has a full kitchen and so on. When I was her age, I was practically an amoeba. I was so not a fully formed person yet.
Anyway, Ned wrote back and said, "I want those on my birthday!" and then he quoted Bonnie Raitt:
In my sweet dreams we are
In a bar
And it's my birthday
Drinking salty margaritas with Fernando
So yesterday I went to the liquor store, which I never do, because I'm not that into the liquor. I think the last time I schlepped to the liquor store was when my best friend Pal from MA came here...from MA, smarty, and the second she got off the plane she said, "We have to go to the liquor store." When we got there there were posters with silhouettes of pregnant women on them, with writing in Spanish, so my assumption is they sold some kind of baby drink, possibly tequila-related. I never found the Baby Drinks section.
I've always said they should just call a spade a spade and have a whole Teen Drinks section, with the Slo Gin and the wine coolers. Goldschlager. The stuff no one age 19 and up ever touches. I mean, who are we kidding?
Anyway, I had to buy tequila and something with the word "Coin" in the title, and guess who was overwhelmed by all the liquor there? Also, the kind of tequila Ned said was good? Was FIFTY DOLLARS, and who has that kind of cash just lying around all willy-nilly? Not June Gardens, Mom of Yeast Paws, over here, that's for sure. Although I think pretty soon they're gonna name a wing of the vet's office after me.
The "I spent money and they're naming a wing after me" joke. June's blog. Come for the original humor. Stay for words like "limpadoo."
I found the "Coin" stuff and noticed the SAME tequila in a SMALLER box behind the counter. "Oh, is that this same stuff in a smaller container?" I asked, because I am street.
"Yes, ma'am. You have a fifth, there."
"Oh, good. Can I have the smaller stuff? I was worried. This bottle would last me the rest of my life."
The guy looked at me and pfft'd. I'm not kidding you. He pfft'ded! "That big bottle won't get you through the weekend," he said.
So apparently I'm looking good these days, and not at all soused. Olé.
Okay, am out of here. Have to call the vet, whose number I know by heart, and start the margarita-making procedure now, so I can screw it up 28 times before Ned gets here.
June, drunk and out. Passed out.