Last night, right when work was coming to a close, I felt a migraine coming on, and THANKS, HEAD.
(HEAD! MOVE! That's only funny if you enjoyed the movie So I Married An Axe Murderer, as I did. So bad, I did.)
I came home and took one of my migraine pills, and laid gingerly on the couch. And by "gingerly," I mean I splayed out in my long white SS Minnow dress. By about 8 p.m. I was in bed, covered in sweat and completely nauseated, with andirons clanging against my head, and the worst part was, I couldn't fall asleep because I knew Ned was going to call.
On nights I don't see Ned, he always calls. His call can come any time between 7:00 and 9:00, depending on how worky-outy he is, and yes, he works out every night. I know, dudes. Yes, I DO appreciate his worky-outy self and yes, he DOES look really good. And now you have me thinking about Ned and getting all moony, so let's move on.
I have no way to turn the ringer off on my phone, and if I unplugged it I'd also unplug my whole computer, so really I was just a slave to when he called. Because I KNEW, I just KNEW, if I drifted off, that's when the phone would ring.
Eventually, though? I did talk to Ned, and assured him I needed nothing but sleep, which I could now finally get, knowing the phone wasn't gonna ring anymore.
So by 8:30 I was in REM, and that is why I'm
WIDE EFFING AWAKE
So. Hi. How're you? You up? I am.
Barbara, you up?
I'll get the aspirin and Sucrets.
Barbara should've shoved those Sucrets up that guy's nethers.
So, I'm up, it's the dead of night, and I have no Sucrets, and you know what I'm thinking about, for no real reason? Are songs that remind me of old boyfriends. Do you have any of those? Are they stupid songs? Most of mine are stupid. Because they took place in 1982, for one thing. But without any more 'dos, let's look at them.
When I was in ninth grade, my song with my very first boyfriend, Kevin, was Shining Star by The Manhattans, who by the way were super good at lip synching.
I need three of you to come learn all of these moves and stand behind me. All of them. Now. Who's in?
My first true love, Giovanni Leftwich, decided in 10th grade that our song should be Stairway to Heaven, which KILLS ME DEAD. Could we have been more early '80s blue collar stereotypical tight jeans and cans of beer kids? We were practically Jack and Diane. Nevertheless, when I hear this song, we are so making out in a basement at a party. With cans of beer in our hands.
Do you think he picked this song because I have Robert Plant hair?
After that, I had an Official New Wave Boyfriend, who I went out with for years and have completely lost touch with. This Squeeze song makes me think of him putting gel in his pompadour before we went to New Wave night at our college bar. Yes, that whole sentence was terribly sad.
As was the fact that I, too, had kind of a pompadour.
And no, that guy I'm with is NOT Official New Wave Boyfriend. And I actually think I was relatively sober in this picture, but I sure don't look it.
As college wound to a close, I got back together with my high school boyfriend Giovanni Leftwich. It did not go well. It went on FOR YEARS and it did not go well. We'd break up, and that felt just as bad as being together. I finally had to kind of move away in the dark of night to get away from that whole thing, and this song always reminds me of that time.
Ned gets annoyed with U2, because he says a band should only be allowed to have one member who's a single-name person. You can't have a Bono AND a The Edge. Although technically he has a "The" in his name.
Eventually I moved to Seattle, where I moved in with a long-haired artist who loved this song. It always reminds me of him working on one of his frenetic paintings, surrounded by paint tubes, wearing combat boots and singing along.
My last boyfriend before I got married once played this not-safe-for-work song on my answering machine, because my real name is in here, and it's right after the person named "Seattle," too. He was a fun boyfriend. He threatened to canoe by during my on-the-water wedding and scream, "Noooooo!" I was a little disappointed when he didn't.
The song below was my first dance with Marvin at our wedding. It's called Our Love is Here to Stay. (News flash: It wasn't.)
As for Ned, it's hard to know what song reminds you of someone when you're in the throes of the relationship. Right now, EVERY song reminds me of Ned. If I heard Ted NUGENT I'd find a way to think of Ned.
But sometimes we get into the stupidest disagreements possible. We fought about soup once. We fought about a cold once. It seems to be getting better, because we've worked at it, but whenever we'd have a stupid argument, I'd think of this song.
It's the absolute dead of night now, and the birds are going to sing soon, and tomorrow (today) is SHOT, but this was fun. Thanks for traveling down memory lane with me.
What're your songs?