Lately my coffee tastes weird. Clearly I have a brain tumor. Alternatively, maybe I'm making it too strong. It seems like the first cup is good, but after that it really isn't. Too bitter or something.
So this morning I decided to actually look on the bag of coffee and, you know, read the directions. It says to add 2 tablespoons (10 g) of coffee for every 6 oz (180 ml).
First of all, go fuck your milliliters. Am I reading this by candlelight in some Eastern European hovel? God. Milliliters. Speak English. Then also, you stupid stupid Starbucks bag writers, WHO KNOWS HOW MANY OUNCES of COFFEE you make?
Six ounces. Oh shut up. There's not one human on the planet whose coffee pot tells you by the ounce. The OUNCE. Oh, I am irritated. So you know what I did? Do you? I got out one of my Mason jars and measured ounces of water. The side of the Mason jar has little numbers, which for all I know are cups and not ounces, anyway.
I hate everything. But my coffee's ready so hang on.
...Blech. Too strong. Bad gram-to-milliliter ratio.
Yesterday, Ned and I went to the movies, for a change. We saw This is the End, with Seth Rogan and that idiot who's in everything. James Franco. That's it. I realize this is not our usual genre of movie, as it lacks pretense or sadness, I mean, other than where the world is ending. But here's what Ned wanted to see yesterday:
And here's what I wanted to see:
Dudes! It's a movie by Judy Blume! JUDY BLUME! This movie was going to be so much better than Ned's "Are you there, God, it's me Pretension," up there.
We totally need to read Forever by Judy Blume for our next book club. What say you?
Anyway. I thought the Seth Rogan movie was kind of funny, but Ned said it was the dumbest thing he'd ever seen. Which leads to the Q, what's the dumbest movie you've ever seen? I said Sex and the City 2. But what do you say?
The first person to say When Harry Met Sally gets punched with my milliliters.