Usually what happens on Sunday is Ned and I go to an early movie, and by "early" I mean at, say, 1:00 or 2:00, because who has the wherewithal to get to a movie before noon? Who ARE you people? Are you, like, Amish moviegoers? "Thou wishest to see Star Wars, Jebediah?"
We discussed which movie to see today, Ned and I did, and I finally said, "You know what? I just want to be at home today." I feel like for the last week or so, I've been gadding about even more than usual, neglecting the 27 pets. So Ned and I are hooking up later because apparently it's 1993, with my fancy "hooking up" phrase, and now I'm home and no one wants to be anywhere near me.
Iris's new thing is, if I'm in the back yard, she goes too, and sits under this tree. Every once in awhile I see her pounce on something, and I REALLY WISH we had some kind of test to see just how blind that phony malingerer is. It's like that episode of Sanford & Son, where Fred gets "amnesia." I am sorry to tell you I just saw that episode, and one person who was not a rocket scientist was Lamont Sanford.
I once dated someone who said "brain scientist" instead of "rocket scientist," and guess who was neither?
So, yeah. I coulda been at a movie, for all anyone cares, around here.
However, I also have big plans to clean the house, even though my Shark broke awhile back, so I can be ignored sanitarily.
In the meantime, yesterday I went with Ned to his nephew's graduation party. Ned's family Facebook-invited us both to said shindig, and I RSVPd yes, and then had this month-long awkwardness waiting for Ned to say yes. Ned could not be more indifferent to Facebook, and I do not understand his kind, and perhaps he's some kind of Amish Facebook person. Ned Yost liketh this!
Ned Yost. Am own cherie amour.
I wondered if maybe Ned WASN'T going to this event, and I'd have to go alone, and would it be weird if I brought a date, and then finally he and I were on his Facebook page together for some reason, and I just clicked on the damn invite and said yes for him. You know what's really attractive to a man? A big battle axe controlling woman. That's what. Men LOVE that. Right after, I asked him what he was thinking. Then I made him guess what was different about me.
My point is, we went to the graduation party yesterday.
The first thing everyone did was direct us to the back yard, where some turtles were gettin' jiggy wid it. You've never seen something less romantic in your life. Plus, Mrs. Turtle or Shelly or whatever her name was was SO NOT FEELING IT. I got the impression it was all about Mr. Wax's moods all the time. Or Sheldon. Whatever his name was.
Mr. Wax. Ned Yost also liketh this! But not as much as June Gardens liketh thouself! "Thou" means "you," doesn't it? Crap. Crapeth.
I spent a great deal of time hanging with Ned's 13-year-old nephew, who seems to be right about where I am on the level of maturity, and let's assume, then, that he is incredibly advanced for his age.
Here he is wearing the medal he got at school for being in some way science-y, and also, why do I not have an "I am the treat" shirt? Because, you know. I am. Do you remember the Oven Fry commercial where that old lady named Toppie Smellie says, "Fried chicken in the oven is a--a treat!"?
Or is that just me? You really don't remember her? "I can describe this chicken in two words: Mmm-mmmm!"
Toppie Smellie is an excellent cat name.
I am off to clean this dwelling, but tomorrow I get to tell you the Very Exciting News, and I have SEEN what VEN is going to be, you know, looking like and it's Very Exciting. Toppie Smellie gives it two Mmmms. Have officially lost mind. So okay, bye.