How are all y'all all? At the Formica table, here, is a pack of new checks (switched to a different account. This was before my ATM-card-stealing incident of this weekend. I'm glad the criminals got a lower monthly fee when they charged stuff on my account). There's also one Pop Tart and the invitation to my friend Marque's wedding in Montana, which I will have to RSVP "no" to, just as my grandmother did to mine.
I realize that paragraph was packed with the info. Re the Pop Tart, my old friend, Sleeping Beauty, has one of those moms who look 20 years younger than she is, and she told us--when we were 25 and it didn't matter WHAT we shoved down out gullets--that just because they put two Pop Tarts in the package doesn't mean you have to eat both.
It's one of those things that hadn't occurred to me till she said it, and I've never forgotten it. I should totally get a "Never Forget" tattoo with two Pop Tarts standing upright.
So I just ate one blueberry Pop Tart and lemme go put away the second one.
...There. Fin. Did you ever know that I'm my hero? I'm everything I would like to be. Really, the more heroic thing would be to not eat effing Pop Tarts in the first place, but that's just the crazy talk.
As for my bank account, do you know what I haven't done? Is go look at it. I know they stole more than I had in there, and I could switch my savings over so I have some money right now, but if I look at that negative account I'll feel upset and anxious, even though they're replacing the money this week. So instead I've just pretended it's not there and very carefully not used my ATM card. Because obviously that would result in anguish and that terrible, "You card has been declined" moment.
So last night I came home and made spaghetti. And watched Real Housewives of Orange County. Have you noticed all the blondes on that show have EXACTLY the same shade of blonde, and all the dark-haired women are the more sensible?
Oh, and I also walked the dogs for 35 minutes, then got the brilliant idea to get in the car and measure how far we really walk, and it came to 1.7 miles, and then I was supposed to be able to do the...
and figure out how many miles per hour that came to, because I've been entering my caloric intake and output into my Lose It! app. I realize Lose It! is an annoying name for an app. Anyway, Ned and my father both told me that's 2.9 MPH and so I am believing them. Yes, I checked with both. Like it's that crucial. Just because they put your father and Ned in the same math-y package doesn't mean you have to check with them both.
Oh! And we priced the flights to Montana to go to Marque's wedding, and it's something like $691 each. So guess who is not going to Montana for a wedding? Sucks. Why must flights be so costly? Then half the time they crash on the runway.
Are you scared to fly? Do you go all, "See??" every time another plane crashes? Because I might.
Really, I hadn't planned to discuss any of this with you. What I was GOING to tell you is Ned and I have a huge month going on, here, with that old movie theater we like. I wrote down all the good movies that they're playing and you can see we will be spending a lot of the summer in a dark movie theater. But it's air conditioned, which is more than we can say for my house, and it's been the rainiest summer in something like four centuries or something. So, tonight? Bull Durham! Hulk is sad.
Tomorrow? Willie Wonka! We didn't go to To Catch a Thief on Monday only because we saw it last summer.
I'm REALLY excited to see Eye Doctor 12:15 on the 20th. I've heard it's great.
Oh, but yes. Have I never told you that my grandmother, THE ONLY ONE I STILL HAD ALIVE, just checked off "No" on the RSVP to my wedding? That was it. That was the only discussion about it. She was an odd bird, my grandmother was, and yes, she's the one I'm turning into.
Okay, I am off to shower. All of my Curly-Girl-approved products have not come yet, even though I spent $2 extra to get them expedited because, crucial! So I cannot report to you the results yet, although I do see that using a t-shirt rather than a towel makes a bit of a difference, frizzwise.
All in all, this was a profound post.
June, deep and out.