Would you like to know what I hate about myself? Other than most things? Is that I realized today is my cousin Katie's birthday. Yes, Katie of "Aunt Katie, are you a lesbian?" fame. I knew her birthday was arriving, but I have been managing to live for a week on $3.98 in my checking (I should write a book on how to live on $3.98 a week), so getting her a gift or even a card was out.
(How to live on $3.98 a week. Hint one: Have a wonderful boyfriend who takes you out to eat. Live on leftovers.)
(Hint two: Have a wonderful boyfriend who takes you to the movies. Eat popcorn for dinner three nights a week. Delicious AND nutritious!)
(Actually, Ned and I have been saying we need to live more frugally, and therefore are going to try to cook more. Travesties to come.)
ANYWAY, the point is, I realized it was her birthday, and I have done bupkis, and I thought, "Well, I'll at least WRITE about her today," so when I sat down at the computer to compose a post, I Googled my blog name and Katie's name, and I see I DID THE SAME DAMN THING THREE OR FOUR YEARS AGO.
So, Katie, I am sorry that you have always been the organized one, and you send me gifts days in advance, and they always sit there wrapped all pretty for me to open on my big day, and year after year there's a big blank spot where my gift should be. I know I am the worst cousin possible. For that I am truly sorry.
I had just turned 12 when Katie was born, as you can see from this fine, clear photograph, and now you know where I get my skillz at photography. Right after this photo was taken, I tripped and Katie rolled down the sandy hill, and really why anyone lets me be around anyone younger than 35 is beyond me.
I was excited that I had a girl cousin, as my Aunt Sue had had a BOY a year earlier, and pfft. Boys. Really, there was a period of five years, there, between 1976 and 1981, where either Aunt Kathy or Aunt Sue were constantly pregnant. And they borrowed each other's maternity clothes, so it'd be all, "Oh, good. The brown shirt that reads 'Baby' with an arrow pointing down again. My, it's good to see that again."
So there were many small children running around my grandmother's house for awhile, not to mention many shades of Candies that I wore with nylons, and for some reason Katie and I had a bond. Not Gold Bond Medicated Powder, but better. We felt each other, in that sea of kids.
Wasn't it just yesterday that I said I was in the Fake Smile Girl club? June. Smiling fakely since 1980. At any rate, throughout my teen years and Katie's annoying toddler years ("annoying toddler" is redundant, if you ask me. I'd have been particularly adamant about that when I was 14, as I am in this picture. Because there's NOTHING annoying about a 14-year-old. Nope.), Katie followed me around and thought I was cool, and she was absolutely right. I mean, you know how cool I am now? Was even cooler as a 14-year-old Saginaw gal.
Then one day I looked up, and she was cooler than me. And hotter than me. Oh, dear god in heaven. Please take a gander at the peach-colored seed pearl ornament down low and a little to the left, between K and me. I made that in Girl Scouts when I was 7, and my mother pulls that ludicrous thing out every year. Because what says "Christmas" more than orange velvet and seed pearls? Christmas at the bordello. Also, Katie made me that star for my OWN tree my first Christmas in my first apartment. My mother also kept that. She has her hands on some expensive artwork, mom does, with our talented selves around the place.
Anyway. Cooler than me. She was. She still is! And now Katie is smarter than me, and also more mature, which I know isn't saying a lot because you've met me. The kids on Toddlers and Tiaras are more mature than me. Isn't that the worst show ever made? You just wanna smack the moms.
Why can't I stay on one topic, ever? I'll bet Katie could stay on one topic. Especially if that topic is Pixie Stix (see photo above).
Your favorite cousin, because she's organized and timely,