Gwynneth Paltrow is such a tool. I KNEW she and that Coldplay guy were gonna break up, because I'd read rumors of her affair, as I stay on top of the news, and once some celebrity couple starts saying "Oh, we're fine. Nothing could be further from the truth" you know they're doomed. So that was bad enough, but then she had to out out a statement ON HER WEBSITE (tool) saying they were going to "consciously uncouple."
Gwynneth Paltrow, THIS is why everyone hates you. You were baffled by it (I read Vanity Fair, honey) and here is why. BECAUSE YOU SAY ASSHOLE THINGS LIKE "CONSCIOUSLY UNCOUPLE." What a nimrod. Like the rest of us just wake up one day and notice our relationship ended, finally.
Last night, Ned and I schlepped over to Winston-Salem, as we are wont to do 97 times a week. We finally saw the Saul Leiter documentary, and it was so worth it to scream home, feed the dogs hysterically, scream into the car and scream 30 miles to a movie.
Oh, Saul Leiter was the bomb. He said in the movie that he may not like the way he looks once he watches the film, because he looked better when he was younger, "But maybe I'm not being fair to the way I look now."
He was curmudgeonly, didn't take himself remotely seriously and had a lovely cat. Here is a picture he took, which you may think I took, because it looks just like my photography. I wish I had a real camera. Yes, I'm blaming my tools.
Saul Leiter lived in the same neighborhood for more than 60 years, and mostly what he did was go out and take photos right out his front door. His apartment looked just like my landlord's, Mr. Kaiser's, who had also lived in his place for 60 years. Crap everywhere and you just wanted to start straightening up. But while Mr. K's apartment was filled with old matchbooks from bathhouses, Saul Leiter's was filled with negatives. FILLED WITH NEGATIVES! Just like my brain.
He died in November, Saul Leiter did, and I cannot imagine going through all those negatives and organizing them. Someone much manlier than I am is doing that right now. And I hope someone is taking care of that cat.
Anyway, after the movie, Ned and I went out to eat in Winston-Salem, and someone was sitting in the window of the restaurant, where I like to sit, so eventually I stabbed them with my steely knife. The good news is they served us anyway and we got sent to the back of the restaurant, where Ned said, "Isn't that LaUral, over there?"
Sure enough, there was LaUral, having dinner with someone, and naturally she came over and climbed on my man.
Did I mention the flash on my camera is broken? I should really haul it into Apple, shouldn't I? Or Google it. I did try to Google it, though, and didn't find anything about how to fix it. The point is, those two better consciously uncouple soon.
I have to go and get ready for work in my jeans. I still haven't taken all the dressy clothes out my closet and replaced then with casual-yet-worky clothes. I hope to consciously uncouple my closet this weekend.
Clearly I will never get over this.