I'd like to thank Faithful Reader BStar for reminding me to mention the Billy Jo McAllister song, with which we all became obsessed a few months back. And before I continue, I'd like to ask you, girl, what's happened to your appetite? I've been not remotely cooking all morning and you haven't touched a single bite.
No one ever asks me what's happened to my appetite. Although the other morning Ned got annoyed with me because I offered him the rest of my orange.
"Why don't you want it?"
"June, no one gets full eating part of an orange."
But I really WAS full. Or maybe it's less that I get full and more that I just get bored with eating the same thing for that long. Do you think it's possible I have some sort of attention deficit dis
Anyway, yesterday I went to Zumba. It turns out I LOVE ZUMBA! You know how they have the free workouts in the park. I mean, if you read faithfully you'd know, and why not, bitch? Are you out chopping cotton while your brother is baling hay? Well, anyway, they DO have free workouts here three nights a week, and yesterday at work one of the Alexes asked me if I was going.
"I can't do the workouts on Monday nights. I have my student that I tutor." And possibly some shenanigans planned out at Choctaw Ridge after.
But yesterday while I was at lunch, my student called and canceled. So Zumba it was!
And may I just interrupt to tell you about my lunch? Holy cats. I had had had ("had had had." I just read this. Had had had. Who annoys her own self?) to get gas as soon as lunch started, because I'd been on empty all damn weekend. Ned had done most of the driving, but still. It was like a gassy game of Russian Roulette every time I got behind the wheel. And of course yesterday on the way to work there was no time.
So I went to the gas station near my office, which happens to also be a Dunkin Donuts. Convenient! But after seeing that dreadful Sugar is Bad movie (Ned says we should start our own health-conscious rap group, The Sugar Kills Gang), I did not even WANT a doughnut. But what I DID want was coffee.
There was a woman walking in there who I already hated. She had taken four and a half centuries to turn left INTO the gas station, leaving me dangling dangerously in the street, and then she'd CRAWLED to a parking spot and I expected her to be 807 years old but really she was probably in her 30s. Naturally I was behind her in line, where she spoke loudly into her mobile device. "YES, ALL THE KIDS HAVE BRONCHITIS. JUST GOT BACK FROM THE DOCTOR."
Oh, good. Can we make out, there, Typhoid Ground Zero? Thanks.
When it was her turn, she ordered 50 doughnuts. FIFTY. Then she said, "Your peach tea. Is it artifically sweetened?"
Seriously? First of all, you just ordered FIFTY DOUGHNUTS. Also, do you really think they're back there straining real peaches into the tea all day? Girl, what's happened to your appetite?
Anyway, I have no idea what she finally got, teawise, but I do know after her FIFTY doughnuts were ready, she hovered next to me while I was waiting for a black coffee. That's all I wanted. A black goddamn coffee.
"EXCUSE ME," she said, leaning over me to shout at the cashier and I'm super excited for the bronchitis. "This tea is really bitter without sweetener."
And that's when I shot her.
My point is, after work I got on my leg warmers and headband and headed downtown to Zumba with the Bitchy Resting Face Alexes
There was no meditating yesterday, though. There was ZUUUUUUUMBA! Dudes, there must have been 100 people out there, so it was really hard to see the instructor, who was The World's Most Energetic Man®. Holy cats. He told us he was gonna play 18 songs and that he never stopped. We tried to keep track of what number song we were on but our brains died at one point.
Fortunately, I was next to The World's Most Dramatic Dancer®, this man who was into the Zumba, is what he was. Oh, he'd fling his arm back and kick his leg and pirouette, like he was in a Broadway show. Which he has more than likely been to and enjoyed. A lot.
"I feel like we're backup dancers in a big production," panted an Alex. But oh, it was fun. There was one point where you had to swivel your hips about like you're Beyonce, and Fleeta yelled, "HIT IT, JUNE!" I did. I did hit it.
When I was over, I mentioned I'd never Zumbad before, and Fleeta and the Alexes all said, "Wow! You did really well!" Clearly they do not know the way you do that I am a professional dancer.
My coworkers do not know that I am the many-faceted June.
Anyway, after that I went to the pretentious hippie co-cop and got a spinach salad and broccoli and baked chicken, then spent the rest of the night fantasising about food.
Pass the biscuits, please.