Once Ned and I were at a restaurant, and it was the kind of seating where there's the long booth against the wall and then little tables, so you think you're sitting alone but really you're just sharing a long booth with a bunch of horrific strangers. Next to us sat this couple, and the man kept calling his date "M'lady."
Ned and I did the thing where we couldn't look at each other, because we knew we are going to giggle. "M'lady." What a tool.
Last night I talked to Ned on the phone, and asked if I could write "Happy birthday, M'lady" on his Facebook page. He said no. So technically I did not, but what Ned did not say was that the rest of you could not go on his Facebook page and write "Happy birthday, M'lady." That's all I have to say about that.
That was the same night that the waiter, who kind of knows us, asked how long we'd been dating, and I said "two years" and at the very same time, Ned said "a little less than two years." After the waiter left, I asked why he couldn't have just said "two years," because it was really close to two years when the waiter asked us this question. Ned droned on about how he wanted to be accurate, and I said hooo care if the timing was really accurate or not, we were less than two months from our two-year anniversary at that point. We got into one of those stupid fights you get into that mean absolutely nothing. It wasn't really a fight so much as a baker. Still.
A baker. Fucking Siri. Bicker! BICKERRRR! Now I'm bickering with Siri.
At any rate, I'm excited that it's Ned's birthday, even though his gift has not arrived yet and I hate the store who hasn't sent it to me yet. I even paid expedited shipping.
So I guess that's the big news over here today. Last night, I was supposed to go see my friend Charlie, but he just wasn't feeling up to it. So I came home and started to do Tracy Gold workout but then my old friend Renée called and we ended up on the phone for 7 1/2 thousand hours.
I like how Siri has given my friend Renée an accent mark.
You will be proud to hear that after we hung up, I did Tracy Gold anyway. I had to kick all the animals off the yoga mat, where they had fallen asleep after I laid it out and left it there.
Mostly my friend Renée and I and her accent mark talked about sex, because she has met somebody new and you know how that is. Every time you meet somebody new you think, oh my god this is the best sex I've ever had in my life. I think it takes a while to just be normal and then assess whether it's really the best sex of your life a little bit later. But it sounds like she's having some bangin' sex.
On that note, I guess I will get ready for work. After work I have to scream on over to Ned's and celebrate his big day. And as I said, do not go over to Facebook and write "Happy birthday, M'lady" on his page. Nope. No, sir. Don't do that.
Talk at ya, m'ladies.
Sent from my iPhone