Obviouslee, Lilee beautiful. Lilee always been beautifull. Cannot help. And mom such good cook. Ebery day she make brown kibul to put in Lilee dish, and it devine. And maybe Lilee get...too fluffee. Sometime Lilee remind self of Elizabeth Taylor. In Liz flufflier yeers.
So Lilee sine up for a, you know, health camp. Where she can chase mices and butterfliees and do catesthenics and so on. And maybe while she at...health camp, she get brest lift. You have six boob you be gone long time too.
And, yes, maybe Lilee forget to leeve note. No reason for mom to get histerical. With those dramatic posters, mom. Gawd. Plus, Lilee look totleee fat in picture you use. Oh, pleese find mom fat feeeline! Mom sad without her Mama Cass cat. Humileeate.
But not anymore. Lilee do yoga and purrlates and mom wonder if anything less funny than a purr pun by a cat. Lilee cut out all glooten and chocolate mouse. Once she thin and lifted and separated, she hed back home. And maybe she get...loss a little. Maybe she make wrong turn. But eventulee she get home.
Lilee wate in bush next to front porch. Mom suppose to be at work 8:30 and mom neber leeve house till 8:30. How mom hold down job Lilee never no. So at 8:30, heer come mom. She got her cawfee and her purse and she get to first step and stop right there.
"Lily?" she ask out lowd, even tho she can't see Lilee. It like she just no Lilee there. Lilee still hide in bush, but mom look down there anyway. But it been long time since Lilee see mom, plus what mom do to hair? So Lilee maybe panik a little and run low thru bush and into driveway. She run low with her skwat Lilee legs.
Mom put down purse and cawfee. Thought nothing could make mom put down cawfee. She sit right in driveway like loonatic. "Lily!" she whisper, like Lily crazy. "Lily, come heer!" Mom look weepy. Gawd. So Lilee come over and mom SWOOP HER UP AND RUN INSIDE LIKE SHE STEELING LILY. Sometime mom a drama KWEEN.
Mom put Lilee right in front of food dish. Just get back from fat--health club, mom. Just reech goal weight. Not--oh, man. crunch crunch crunch crunch...
Lilee going to be tub any second.
Next thing you no, Unkkle Ned be over, looking weepy too. And Edsel stick snowt in Lilee and whine and wag tail and mom notiss that Lilee happy to see Edsel, too. I mean, he my own brother, what she expect? When mom at work, Eds and Lilee watch Lifetime Television for Wimmins, and sometime Eds make meeen peach dackery.
What Lilee want to no is, what up Eyeriss butt? She hiss and she growl and she give Lilee eveil look with her one eye. It like she jellis that Lilee finally skinnyer than her. Eyeriss totall bitch.