Yesterday culminated in many family members coming over for dinner, and my Aunt Sue took photos on her Samsung, which looked perfectly normal on her camera and got blurry once she sent it to mine. I would dearly love to say that the past 7.5 years of blurry photos, then, are due to my iPhone, but iPhones weren't even invented when I started blogging, so.
Before evening dawned, which makes no sense, Ned and I ate the 950,000 things my mother offered us, and then we took the dog and drove to some woods nearby for a walk, where we got lost, and it was 100% like Blair Witch if one of the lost people had been a speckled dog. Also, my mother's speckled dog could not possibly have more frequently demanded we stop so he could pee on poison ivy. They should just rename the woods Gus Woods, at this point, so marked is that territory.
Oh, and we saw a (hang on, Tee) SNAKE! Ned saw it, as he has snakedar. "Do you want to me pick it up?" asked Ned, as it was a yellow stripy garder snake. You can imagine how I encouraged him with that pursuit.
We dropped in on my friend Hometown Horselady, who comments sometimes, and I have no idea why her parents named her that. She and Ned both work for family businesses, so they talked about that, and the thing they WORK on is similar, so they talked about THAT, and man was that boring. Do you know what else you two have in common? Hello. Could we not talk about ME? God.
Then I am happy to tell you Ned and I drove through a flood--A FLOOD--to get to the bar I hung out in in my youth, which was many, many years ago. I hadn't been to that bar since god knows when, possibly my wedding, and it was just the same.
You know, Ned is not a dreadful person, yet he gets that "I'm dreadful" look as soon as the camera comes out. "That's a good picture of me," he said.
Then I took him to the bar where I bartended, which was built in the 1800s and has a fireplace and it was a perfect spot to hang on a rainy-ass afternoon. My cat-sitter sent me a photo of Iris while I was there!
I'd told the particular Alex who is cat-sitting that there was vodka in the freezer (Are you there, Catsitter? It's me, vodka), tequila in the cupboard and absolutely zero food. Help yourself! What she did not know was Iris would be partayyin' with her mom gone.
My mother watched me re-do my rainy makeup when we got back; my wet hair was ruined beyond repair. "Jooon, your eyebrows are too dark," she said. I looked in the mirror. If you ask me, I was a vision. "I'm a VISION," I protested, and asked my stepfather if my eyebrows looked dark. "They look fine," he said, never looking up from whatever the hell he was working on up there.
Ned walked in. "Are my brows too dark?" "You look beautiful , sweetheart," said Ned, who is terrified of me.
So I ingored my mother, and every photo I took with a relative, I look like Groucho Marx and Joan Crawford and a Dark Caterpillar Face Person. You've heard all the stories about the famous Dark Caterpillar Face Person. All that brow action just serves to make Aunt Sue look even hotter in comparison, which annoys.
Today we are headed to Northern Michigan to see my cousin and eat things.