Every morning, I get up, let the dogs out (who, who, who?), make coffee and feed the pets. No matter how far back in the yard they are, the dogs hear their food hit the bowl. Dogs have good hearing, did you know that? By the time I get to the back door, they're in hysterics, worried that wolves are going to burst in the front door and eat all their kibble first or something.
Anyway today I let in Edsel, and was admiring the sunrise, and I yelled, "Tallulah!" I didn't see her run in, but I'd been distracted and never in her life has she not charged in like a banshee for the best three seconds of her day: breakfast.
I was cleaning the cat litterboxes, and I realize I am practically Fern's father in Charlotte's Web, with my farm duties. The point is, I heard crunching. From Lu's bowl. And I assumed all was right with the world.
But Lu wasn't at her bowl. It was Edsel.
He'd eaten ALL his food, then stampeded over to Lu's bowl and just commenced to munching on that. How he had the nerve, I'll never know. You don't fuck with Tallulah and her food.
"Edsel!" I said, astonished. He flinched a little, the guilt flinch, but kept eating. I had to whip out my terrible voice.
Oh, he backed away. Turned into a letter C the way he does. He hung his head, and wrung his hankie, and generally felt sorry for the whole incident. I went to the back door and there was an irate Tallulah, who'd barked nonce, and I have no idea why she was (a) missing and (2) not barking like a maniac once she caught wind of the travesty that was happening to her personal dish.
It was only half full, so I gave her more food, and Edsel super-sized it today. What a jerk.
See that damn beer bottle? Some yahoo, who Ima go on a limb and say was Bitchy Resting Face Alex, left empty beer bottles with little sad cards all over my house, for me to find. I think this one read My tears could fill this bottle.
BRF Alex met her husband in, like, seventh grade and they've been together ever since. YET SHE MOCKS MY PAIN.
I like how in that photo you can also see the back of Edsel's ridiculous head.
Speaking of the Alexes, one of them had a birthday yesterday, so we all went to lunch to celebrate. She's 23. She celebrated her birthday with a 50-year-old. That would be like me celebrating my next birthday with a 104-year-old. I think. Maths.
Anyway, I got a turkey sandwich with green apple on it, a fact that annoys my coworker Griff to no end. "Ugh, how could you GET that? I can eat turkey and have an apple after, but..."
Also, I received a statistics textbook in the mail, to proofread, and I know you enjoy me when I have one of those looming over me. So far I've gotten the huge box off the porch, moved the huge box to my dining room, touched the box with trepidation yesterday and toyed with opening it, then came in here and bought iTunes all night. So.
June's latest iTunes...
I'm just telling you. Prepare yourself for June's-hysterical-about-her-statistics-textbook posts in about a week. Then I'll cash that check and all will be right with the world. I'll stop off and nibble me a little Tallulah food. I hear her dish is open to just everyone.