I have the most exciting news possible: I have gaybors! I just met them! And by "them" I mean one of the gaybors and his dog. Which is how I met them. And by "them" I mean--okay, I'll stop.
I was just coming in here to blog, as I'm wont to do every so often, and I saw a black greyhound (which I understand is a contradiction in terms) in the next yard with an elegant collar on. She was in the yard right behind me, and I knew the family who tried to save Roger moved out--remember them? When Roger got hit by a car, the big tough motorcycle-looking guy behind me, not that he looked like a motorcycle, scooped Roger up and rushed him to the emergency vet? Anyway, they moved while I was abroad.
There was a sweet woman of color back there when I moved back, and she had a teenage son who I was kind of counting the days about in a legal Mary Kay Laturno kind of way. Maybe mom sensed it and scooped her teenage boy to safety. Anyway, the house was for sale, and these two gay guys bought it. "Scooped" is a big word with me today.
They always say a neighborhood is up and coming if gay men move in. June's 'hood. The new hotspot of Greensboro, NC. Wooooo! Edgy.
I mean, I traipsed back there with wet hair, no makeup, no shoes on and coffee in my hand, because if I see a new dog it's like I'm hypnotized. I met the dog first. And she was so sweet. She was so wanting to come see me.
"rrrrrrrROWR! ROWR ROWR ROWR ROWR ROWR! Hooo you think you be, bitch! Dis MY mom!" Edsel had charged back there, his hackles showing. Lu came bounding out, too, with her mohawk up, as well.
Jesus. My dogs.
Poor Jackie curled her elegant tail under her, horrified. And that is when gaybor came out. At first I was excited, because ooooo! Cute! But then he uttered one syllable and I was all Oooo! Gay! Even better.
I tried to ask him questions while my dogs snarled and foamed and got wire cutters to break on through to the Jackie side, while Jackie never said one thing. "Is she Jackie, as in Onassis?" I asked Issac, my new neighbor who maybe will serve me drinks on a cruise one day. He confirmed it and probably wishes he'd never moved here.
My dogs were dicks to Jackie. My dogs were Marilyn Monroe.
I had to give them treats to lure them away, and hey, guess who totally deserved treats? Why do other people have good dogs and my dogs are a nightmare? Why don't I have one of those dogs you can take everywhere, who lies obediently at a cafe and lets people pet it? Neither of mine would tolerate any of those shenanigans.
At least Edsel has other gay guys in the neighborhood now.
My gaybors literally have a white house. Maybe one day Jackie will give me a gracious tour.
The other big news is that yesterday I got my new night guard. I KNOW! Will the announcements never end, over here? I'd posed for it a few weeks back, and yesterday the assistant gave me my new guard, a pink holder for it ("I looked at all the colors we had and thought, 'June seems like a pink girl'") and--are you ready?--the molds from when I got the thing. I have my molds!
Do we look alike? You may've overdone your brows today, Cruella.
I gotta go. Is tonight too early to knock on gaybors' door to ask if we can be best best best friends? I gotta get in there before Peg gets her hooks in them.