Is it payday? It just occurred to me that maybe it is. That would be a beautiful thing. I think last time I checked I had 72 dollars.
Speaking of which, Friend in Real Life and I Think Faithful Reader Kaye is coming over this weekend to help me make a budget! I know! "You'll have to not buy stuff," she said, and OTHER THAN BOTOX, what do you ever hear me buying? "Oh, I couldn't resist this cute outfit!" Do I ever say that? Do I ever say "outfit"? Other than when I get my "Can I speak to the manager" hair and say, "This is some outfit you've got here." Usually with my hands on my hips.
Which I just kind of did with the vet, but not really. I want to get Edsel in for his shots, which were due April 30 and in case you hadn't noticed, my job is all differented up, which means busy all the time, and also the CATS were SIMILARLY due for THEIR goddamn shots, so I took them in at the end of the month and figured I'd get Edsel in at the next pay period.
Anyway, here's what they said at the vet. The office is closed daily from 12 till 3. NOON TILL THREE. So you can't do a lunchtime appointment. And while they're open till 6, they take their last appointment at 5. Hey, convenience.
They're booked Saturday.
So I can get in next Saturday. "I know you said you like Dr. Clark..." the girl who answered the phone and was probably all Oh dear god, it's June said to me.
"Peters. I said Peters." I do also like Dr. Clark, but at this point I was just irked.
"Oh, well, she's got openings all day."
That's what he said.
"When would you like to come in?"
"How about noon?" I asked, because I love the nightlife, I've got to boogie, and by "boogie" I mean watch season five of Parenthood till 2 a.m.
"We close at noon."
JESUS CHRIST. This is some operation you've got here.
Dear businesses such as the vet: If you're going to charge me almost $500 to euthanize and cremate my dog, who got cancer because of flea meds you sold me and also vaccinations which were all your fault, could you at least HAVE REASONABLE HOURS so I can give you all my cash and you can kill the next pet at my convenience?
Was everyone happier when we just let our kids out the front door to play in the street till dusk and put our puppies in laundry baskets to sleep and they died of old age or of being hit by cars and they didn't GO to the vet, and we never once took either species on playdates?
We're going to look back on this era as the most nervous, controlled, overscheduled era ever. "We're planning your fun now! We have sex penciled in for 10!" I wonder if my vets office closes for three hours because they all stampede home to have sex. Not with each other, although now I'm gettin' a visual. I do love the vets there. I'm sure it's not their faults the hours suck.
I have to go. It's 8 freaking 16 already and I haven't showered. I got my roots done last night so at least I don't have to wash my hair. Iris is in the kitchen with Dinah, coughing up a hairball. Maybe it's the hairball that's named Dinah. Eds and Lily have started their morning Needy minutes. And my triceps kind of hurt, which is exciting because new gym.
Before I go, I have a pressing question. Ned told me once that he saw a, like, parade of old Mustangs, which for him is the best thing he could see in a parade, ever. He was just minding his own business and out of nowhere each year of Mustang was coming down the street in chronological order. I may be making that part up, the chronological order part.
The point is, I started thinking about what my perfect parade would be, and I guess it'd be baby cats of any kind. Like, baby leopards, baby tigers, baby housecats. Oh my god. Best parade possible.