For some reason, mostly "organized," I have two little squares on my desktop, and hey, computer-savvy. One reads "iPhoto" and one reads "Pictures," which is not at all confusing.
Actually, it usually isn't. I know that if I plug in my phone, new pictures will upload to "Pictures," and I pretty much ignore "iPhotos," and I'm pretty sure at this point you're at the edge of your seat. TELL US MORE JUNE CANNOT GET ENOUGH TITO HAND ME THE POPCORN.
Today due to Topamax, I opened iPhoto and found all sorts of pictures that made me sad.
Examplero Uno. Now that I survived Cinco de Mayo, I speak Spanish. We had a big party at work and my throat still hurts from laughing. We had stupid amounts of fun. Still. Oh my god, I miss that dog. And her houndy smell.
I found a wallet yesterday. I was pulling out of my driveway, and looking down the road toward where my puppy lives, thinking about how odd that whole situation was, and who does that happen to, and I was seriously forming the thought, "It's like I manifest odd situations," when I saw a wallet in my front yard. Seriously.
It was pouring the rain, as my grandmother would have said, but I got out and got that soaking thing. All the money was gone, and it was obvious it'd been pilfered, but the credit cards were still there and now I own a lovely bag.
I saw the address on the woman's license, and she lived not far. She wasn't home, though, so I called the nonemergency police while I drove to work, thinking maybe they'd know how to find her sooner than I could, so she could cancel her stuff in case they, I don't know, wrote down her SS number or something. They said they'd come to my work and get the wallet.
So then, still driving to work, I told my phone to CALL work, and the receptionist answered. She's been working with me for five years. You can imagine.
"Linda? June Gardens. How you doin'? Hey, the police are on their way, and they're looking for me."
Linda is this positively spectacular-looking woman who's probably a decade older than me and 14 sizes smaller. She can dance like nobody's business, too. You should see her at the company Xmas parties. We all want to be Linda. God wants to be Linda. God's up there, like, Yeah, I look good. But do I look LINDA good?
"The police are what, now, honey? Are you getting arrested?"
I kind of feel like if the answer had been yes, no one at work would be that shocked. She stole another puppy. That hair is a crime. That sort of thing.
So I told her the whole wallet tale, like she had nothing else to do.
"You know what I think. I think this is the best excuse for being late anyone's ever come up with," she said. Why is everyone always over me?
The point is--and let's face it, there's never really a point--Greensboro may have a hard-hitting police force, but old Sleuthy June, here, got to work and got on Facebook, looked up the woman's name, found her, friended her and messaged her, all in 15 minutes. We scheduled a time for me to get her wallet back, and the police hadn't even BEEN there yet.
Who were Nancy Drew's friends, again? There was the fatty and the lesbian. Who here signs up to be my lesbian friend? Who's gonna be the fattie? I already called it--Marty gets to be my lezbie friend.
Tonight, I celebrate my love for me, and I need to get over that line. I also have a party to attend, and then another tomorrow, because apparently in May it's everyone's goddamn birthday and what about my needs? You know I'm an intro--okay, i can't even finish that sentence.
I did go to the Mystery Science Theater movie last night and I laughed like a hysterical person from beginning to end. In case you didn't know this, back in the, oh, maybe late '80s on into the '90s, there was this show on maybe Sci Fi? The premise was that this guy was shot into space by his bosses, as you do, and because he was lonely, he made robot friends. His bosses sent him bad movies to punish him, and he and his robots watched them and said fucking hilarious things during said movies.
That's it. That was the whole show. You watched a bad movie, and you listened to a man and two robots make fun of said bad movie.
The theme song included the line: If you're wondering how he eats and breathes and other science facts, just repeat to yourself It's just a show; I should really just relax. That's how I often feel when you guys get caught up in some detail of mine that doesn't matter.
BUT JUNE! YOU NEVER TOLD US IF YOU FOUND YOUR PAPER CLIP! PAPER CLIP JUNE! WHAT ABOUT THE PAPER CLIP!
It's just a show. You should really just relax.