I'm home for lunch. I didn't blop at you this morning because I was up till freaking one in the morning. A, I wasn't tired and 2, I was doing statistics proofreading. So my point is I didn't bound out of bed this morning like a fireman, as I usually do. Go, mornings!
You want to be me right now. So bad, you do. Let's get to my freelancing and my money sitch in a moment. But first, yesterday was one of the Alex's birthdays. She's 23. We had lunch, as she is finally able to eat solid foods now.
Look at me, frowning at the idea of youth.
Twenty-three. I don't even remember BEING 23. My diary had to be written on cave walls, so it's hard to go back to refresh my memory. I do remember school dances, though.
I gotta start hanging around people my own age. Except that would require me to spend time at the old folks' home. Or be an extra in a Dannon Yogurt commercial. See, that's only funny IF YOU'RE OLD.
Oh! And before we discuss my freelance sitch, one other thing I wanted to mention is just now, when I got home for lunch, I strolled on down to Ava's new house o' Jews and checked on her. The brother in the family answered the door. "Oh, she's great! Come on in!" he said. He walked me to the den, where Ava was sitting on the couch. She'd been watching TV with him, all snuggled on a blanket. She already looks a little bigger. I told her Edsel said snap.
So that's good.
But now let's talk money.
First of all, I have enough. I didn't used to. When Marvin left, and I was laid off, and I had a house payment and had to COBRA my insurance, and so on, oh, things were rough. Bank of Mom.
But I've been working for five years at that job, and have health insurance thank god, and I refinanced my house. Plus, that year abroad really helped me financially. By the end of last year, I was in zero debt other than my house payment.
Then Tallulah got sick, so I'm back in a little bit of debt, hence that I'm fucking killing my own self doing this statistics book right now. That'll pretty much get me back to zero, which, yay!
But, like, how do I do better? My credit rating is good, I have a Four Oh Wonk, my car is paid for and I will once again have no credit card debt. But I want to fix my deck, and get a second bathroom, stuff like that. How the heck do I get cash to do that? I'm sure there are ways I could do better. I can't technically work more. I write for Purple Clover, I do freelance statistics stuff, I freelance for another company in LA that I used to work for, and then there's my pesky regular job. So.
If one person says the words Dave or Ramsey to me, I will Ramsey something right up your Dave. I read his book, got to, "Step One, just go get a thousand dollars," got overwhelmed and never did it. I mean, I must have picked up that book five times and read that and put it back down.
Also, nixing my Botox is not an option. It isn't. It's $275 every four months and IT WORKS.
So other than that, what else can I do to do better with money and save more so I can do the big stuff like sit on a big hard wooden deck?
Oh, speaking of me making everything dirty, at that youth lunch yesterday, we talked about how many people we've kissed. One person had made a list while she was on a 12-hour car ride. So I made a list too, as best I could, and it had things on it like, "Kathy D's boyfriend" and "Guy at that burnout party" and I came up with 53 people.
I have kissed four people with Ned's real name, and four people named John, which is creepy cause my father's name is John. But, I mean, common name, so I needn't Freud all over myself. If my dad's name were Xeralpholopia and I kissed four people named Xeralpholopia, then we'd have an issue to contend with. Mostly that there were people in the world saying, "We should totally name the baby Xeralpholopia."
Also, it was 1984, but I still feel bad about kissing Kathy's boyfriend. She was away at college. She'd been my friend, and there I was, all kissing up on her boyfriend in his car after a football game. I suck. I mean, not literally. I only kissed that guy. What the hell was his name? My name is mud. Because who does that?
I have kissed precisely one person since Ned and I broke up last September, and do you know what I was not ready for? Oh my god. I sat through that whole kiss going, This is weird. This isn't Ned. Here I am, kissing a non-Ned person. I wish this were over because, hey, not Ned. So.
Maybe I could raise money via a kissing booth.
So what are some tips? Some money-saving tips? Because my current deck is sagging. My deck is limp. And my deck isn't big enough. I want to get a bunch of people on my deck. Okay I'll stop.