Last night, when I headed to bed, Lottie was already in there, fast asleep. She looked so cute, and she's been doing so well with not going in the house, that I thought, "Maybe she can sleep in the big-girl bed tonight." Sadly, every night I sleep in that bed it's the big-girl bed. What M&Ms yesterday?
She really was good, though, until SIX FIFTY SEVEN, which is THREE MINUTES before we get up. I heard her get up and I was paralyzed by sleep for a minute. Peed on the new mud rug, pooped in the living room. Goddammit.
Look at that last photo, where she's high-fiving Satan. You can see her real fang trying to come in. Oh, poor Lottice! That must hurt! See. Now she's got my sympathy again. That dog really is all snout. I wonder when she's gonna get a face? I wonder if she'll always have that snout scar?
She's headed to daycare today, Lottie is, because I have an all-day, offsite meeting and won't be able to come here at lunch to let her out. That meeting is costing me $20. But here. Look at Lottie on the webcam. She'll be there about 8:30 till 5:00.
In other news, I think it's over with me and The Younger Man, the one in Rio. I told this to my mother. "The last thing he texted me was Sunday, early, and it read, You're mean," I told her.
"What'd you do?" asked my mother, and then we laughed for 45 minutes. Good mom-ing. Not, "That's preposterous!" Not "How could he SAY such a thing?" No. "What'd you do?"
Which, you know, I know you all just asked the same thing.
Okay, so I called him a dick, but YOU KNOW HOW I AM. If you're too lily-livered to handle me calling you a dick in an I'm-giving-you-shit text, you're too lily-livered to deal with when I'm actually being bitchy. One good thing about Ned was, no matter how bitchy I got, he was always all, "Oh fuck you, June." He was unflapped.
Is unflapped a word?
So, that was that. Darn, that's the end.
I can hear Edsel and Lottie wrestling outside, and I want to go look, but as soon as I do, they always stop and look at me instead, so I just have to listen to them being funny without being witness. Sometimes if I'm out there with them, they'll commence wrestling in front of me, but I can't walk in on it.
I just heard them tear across the deck. They just tore across again. Goddammit. This must have been what it was like to be on The Dating Game. YOU JUST WANNA SEE.
That would really suck, to get the hideous guy on The Dating Game. Did you know Maurice Gibb was on that show? He won. Couldn't you just have some friend in the audience signal to you which bachelor was cutest? Seems like it'd be easy to cheat. But maybe they didn't HAVE a studio audience. I don't know, man. I can't figure it all out right now.
I'd better go get the Lot to daycare and head to my ALL DAY meeting. Maybe while I'm there, I can be mean.