I'm having a smoothie. It's migraine-diet approved. It involves frozen strawberries and blueberries, yogurt and milk and flaxseed, plus also special guest star: banana.
This diet is a pain in my ass, because it involves not eating at the salad bar at the grocery store. And by "salad bar" I mean the crab rangoons over in the Asian section of the salad bar.
Yesterday we had a happy hour with my work team, and I abstained from the delicious appetizers offered, and by "abstained" I mean I had five homemade potato chips and I'M SORRY, that was the best I could do. I gave it my all. Anyway, at the end of the happy hour, it was 7:00 and I hadn't eaten. I realize that, say, Angelina Jolie would eat five potato chips and call it a day, but I did not.
I had to go to the grocery store first, because I was out of Steely Dan food and there was no way I was gonna face him empty-handed.
That picture kills me. It's SD and Lily's album cover.
Actually, speaking of SD, last night in the middle of the night he was bugging me. He woke me up a hundred times. Finally, I lifted him off the bed and tossed him out of the bedroom. "You're being too kitten-y, silver man," I said.
And right then I knew. I shoulda named him Silverman. Like he's an old Jewish cat.
Tomorrow is his next checkup at the vet, a trip that involves me stabbing a piece of his poop out the box and bringing it in this little pill bottle they gave me, which I am sincerely looking forward to. "Please do a photo essay on this, June!"
Anyway, when I take him and his steely poop in, I have to tell them that since they insisted he was a man last time, to please change his file from being Hazel to...
and here's where you come in. Which would really make the vet's very crowded. Steely Dan or Silverman? You decide.
So I went to the grocery store last night, got 86 rolls of toilet paper, kitten food, bottles of water because I'm sorry. I tried to use a Britta and I just don't like how the water tastes, and then I never drink water unless I have to, like if I'm taking a pill because Valley of the Junes, or doing Tracy Chapman because Valley of the Lesbian. But if I have those little water bottles, I'm drinking water constantly.
The point is, at this point I was starving and practically Ned, with the middle-of-the-night dinnertime, and what I'd NORMALLY do is crab rangoon, or seeing as it was too late and the "salad bar" was closed, Steak and Shake right across the parking lot from the grocery store.
But nooooo! I can't HAVE Steak and Shake, and what is the point of being alive, really?
Instead, I had to buy brown mustard, and brown sugar, and balsamic vinegar like that's just something people do all the time, and go home and brush that on m'salmon. My headache salmon. I have all this food and I keep offering to share it and everyone says no. "I have really good headache granola they gave me, you want some?" No one ever does.
Then I had to wait TEN MINUTES for it to broil. The salmon, I mean, not my headaches.
Who LIVES like this? It's an abomination.
I gotta go. I'd have written more today, but my photos from my phone won't upload and I kept messing with that all morning. My computer is acting like it's never met my iPhone. Giving it the silent treatment. Does anyone have any idea why? I plugged my phone into the wall last night, so it charged that way rather than here on the computer. Does that have anything to do with it?
P.S. Steely Dan/Silverman is drinking my smoothie. Goddammit. Remember to let me know what I should call him. Alternatively, should I just take him to the pound for The Smoothie Incident?